What do Adoptees think of this please?

Question

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30100-1300308,00.html?&lid=NEWS_TAB_SEPARATED_TWINS_MARRY_EACH_OTHER&lpos=TAB_CONTENT

Answer 1

I know a few adopted people.  That would be crazy to find out if they were in love with their brother/sister.  Gross!.

Answer 2

Very unfortunate  but as I said in another thread I’m sure something like this happening is very very very unlikely. Frankly I'm sort of confused about this story there was nothing said that this couples parents opt to use donor material in an IVF.  Even if they did the mothers or a surrogate would have carried them. Yet it says they were twins so they were carried in the same womb. I really wouldnt get why a someone would go for IVF only to place

I do agree people should be honest when it comes to getting genetic material donated.

They could have decided to move to a country where they could have remained together.

Answer 3

Frankly, because of the secrecy surrounding adoption, this is something I was worried about for much of my life.  If I had a lot in common with someone, I would wonder if we were related.  I spent much of my life looking at strangers ("people watching") wondering if any of them were my mother or my father, or my sibling, etc.  I would even ask girlfriends if their mothers had put children up for adoption.  Just to be sure.  

I know that will strike some as odd.  But I didn't know how else to avoid this sort of thing from happening.

Answer 4

Hi there. I thaught it was a really strange storey when I first herd about it. Unfortunatly its not unherd of though.

Adoptive parents should always be open about adoption with the adoptees and I cant stress how important it is.

When I first found my birth father, my social worker had to talk to me about the issues of incest with me, not that there was anything like that going on, Just to point our that it is quite common among siblings and parent/child too.

I guess if you dont know who your siblings are, then you never know who your kissing! I dont meant that to sound sick, but its true. Its like people used to say to me before I met my birth mother, you would never know if you walked past her in the street! and its true.

I dont find the storey sick, i just feel that there was lack of info given.

More reason for america to let adoptees have there files!!!

Honesty about adoption and being open is the best thing.

Answer 5

i don't agree with telling child who there ivf parents are , i just think twins should never be separated

Answer 6

Genetic sexual attraction is a lot more prevalent than anyone wants to admit.  This is a big part of why we all need to know where we came from.

Answer 7

Hi Duirmuid,

That's quite a disturbing story of a tragedy brought upon two, unsuspecting people.  They have experienced tremendous amounts of grief and loss on many levels.  The saddest part is it didn't have to happen.

It highlights how when ethics are abused it can effect other people's lives.  First, adopted people clearly need to know the fact that they are adopted, who their natural families are, and as many details surrounding their history as possible.  Secondly, siblings should have been kept together, especially twins!  Because somebody put their own needs in front of the children's needs, incest ended up happening and it could have had very serious effects on their children if they had had any.  There will no doubt be psychological issues for both of them to deal with now in attempts to sort out the issues that this situation has left them with.  It has ruined the paths to happiness they thought their marriage would bring.  No matter how you look at this story, there are no positive outcomes for anybody.  It will probably have permanent impacts upon their lives.

You also asked about IVF and effects.  That is clearly an area that needs to be regulated because what is possible legally & physically these days, has not caught up to what is ethically right.  If IVF is used to conceive a child and it contains the egg & sperm of the parents listed on the birth certificate and the people that the child will later to come to know as mom & dad, then there is no ethical concern there.  However, when IVF is accomplished using donated genetic material, there is now an ETHICAL OBLIGATION to inform the future owner of that DNA!  

Donating genetic material is different from donating a kidney or liver in that that not 2, but 3 people are affected.  The donor & the recipient, plus a 3rd person, a new life created who did not have knowledge nor give consent.  That is different from parents who create a biological child because donor children are led to believe that people listed on their birth certificates are their genetic parents and that all their medical, ethnic, etc. histories are something that they are not.  Not only is that extremely dishonest and unfair to the created human, it puts them at the same risk of not knowing who their siblings are or who to have relationships with in the future.  It robs them of the opportunities to have connections with their natural families.  

The most serious offence though, is the selfish act on the parent's part to put their own needs of needing to feel like a biological parent in front of the child's needs and RIGHTS to know who he/she really is and where he/she really came from.  Legally it is a mess too because it is possible to conceive children in this manner without having to legally indicate on the birth certificate that it was in a fact, a donor conceived birth.  Without a paper trail, the child who results from this will be at an even worse advantage than an adoptee if his/her parents intend to deceive him/her.  They are human beings just like the rest of us.  They are entitled to the same rights and dignity that the rest of us are.

I predict we will increasingly be hearing more stories relating to these issues as more & more people opt to create children in this manner.  I also predict that as those children grow up, they will speak out, and they will not have happy thoughts on IVF & the way society allowed it to go on unregulated.  Thanks for asking our opinions on it.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 8

Very disturbing and something adoptees have to think about - the very real possibility of incest

There should be NO secrecy in adoption, egg or sperm donation, that can never be in the best interests of the child

Answer 9

I know you asked for the opinion of Adoptees, but as an Adoptive Mom - I, too, find this quite disturbing.  These people have been through enough loss and now to find this out is a tragedy.

You asked about IVF.  Julie J is correct.  If a couple is going through IVF together, I don't see it being an issue if they are using their own egg & sperm.  However, as soon as you start using donor eggs, donor sperm or donor embryos - YES!  This becomes a HUGE issue.  It is also one of the reasons we chose to stop treatments once we could not conceive with our own embryos.

Answer 10

I think many readers are incorrectly assuming that the separated/married twins were a result of IVF.  As I read the article, IVF is raised only as an example of how someone could possibly have up to as many as 10 twins....thus the need for reforms.  

No doubt about it, this a tragedy for everyone, especially if they had children!  But I need more details...how/when did they find out that they were twins?  How did that information suddenly come to light after they were happily married?  I worried about possibly marrying and having children with a close relative all of my life.  Thus I was always attracted to people who were very different from me and knew a lot about their ancestry.  

I definitely believe that twins would be drawn to eachother.  I don't know what information is provided on a British birth certificate, but the thing that stands out about this story to me is that red flags did not go off in these peoples' minds when they, both adopted, discovered that they were born on the same day, more or less the same time, in the same city, in the same hospital, and the same doctor signed both birth certificates.  Don't you think you would realize something was up??  At least ask some questions?  

I would LOVE for this story to bring about awareness of adoption issues and adoption reform!  Sadly though, I suspect that we are going to hear about a multi-million pound suit brought against whoever arranged the adoptions.  (I really hope I am wrong!)

Answer 11

if you were born by IVF you probably wouldn't be adopted, because thats alot for a parent to invest just to surrender you to adoption.

This story is really scarey, it can happen to any of us, and almost happened to me. I met my cousin before I knew he was my cousin and he hit on me, we didn't know we were related, luckily I was in a relationship and not attracted to him. But what if I had been? what if our friendship crossed the line. I was in his house, looking at pictures of my father, pictures of my brothers and sister, and didn't know they were my family for over a year before I found them.

This is why records need to be opened.

And i think if the adoptees don't achieve that the donor conceived people will because due to the technology of donor conceived children there could be 10 or more siblings born from the same clinic, which would be in the same area. The UK is dealing with a bill right now that would enforce a stamp on the birth certificate of all donor conceived people since they only have one birth certificate that doesn't list their biological parents, there is no way for them to know other than relying on the honesty of the parents, that they were conceived by donor sperm and / or egg.

We have a right to our identities, its only a matter of time until that right is acknowledged and enforced.