What do I about my teen girl who keeps putting her self at risk with unwise choices?

Question

What do about my teen daughter who let a 19 year guy in her bedroom and they were about to have s*x when her dad walked in to check on her because he heard noises in her room and caught a half naked guy in there. We are disappointed and hurt. We constantly talk to her about this and she just turned 17 years a week ago. We continue finding out lies that she has covered up. We had just found out she was dating a 20 year old a month ago that we made her break up from when she was 16 years old. We are not naive parents and she would like us to think that we were just born yesterday. My husband and I just don't know what to do with her and all the bad choices she is making. All her friends are having s*x and she said some of it was peer pressure and the other was curiosity. I really could use some advice because this is tearing my husband and I up. It was complete disrespect. It seems like any punishment we give does not work and is not effective. I even have her in counseling.

Answer 1

Definitely have a talk with her and let her know about all the risks she is taking. Punishment won't work and neither will forbidding...that will just increase the liklihood of her doing it. I would however, let her know on no uncertain terms that she is not to bring boys into the house, period!

Answer 2

It's pretty normal for a girl that age to lie and to be curious about s*x. YOU need to talk to her. You shouldnt punish her. That is only going to make this worse.  You should talk to her...not a counselor.

Maybe she isn't getting enough attention from you guys and is taking the missing ateention from the first guy that offers it.

She may not even know why. Try spending time with her and talking to her like an adult.

Talk about birth control too while your at it.

Answer 3

Dont tell your daughter that she shouldnt be having any fun at all just let her know it can be fun without having s*x. Explain to her that what she is doing is actually illegal because she is 17, she and her boyfriends can get charged with all sorts of stuff and her boyfriends can be charged with statuatory rape with a minor. Dont scare her off because she will just tell her friends and they will get revenge with you by setting her up with tons of guys that she will just be tempted to have s*x just because its something you dont want her to do. Explain to her what it felt like to first have s*x in your marriage with your husband and how it was special and with one person that you didnt have to feel uncomfortable with and you could be yourself and the wait made the moment more enjoyable. And sleeping around isnt going to satisfy her at all but other girls in her school will just talk about her and call her a s**t. Also use teen pregnancy as an example. Tell her that condoms are only effective 97% of the time and if she gets pregnant you would make her pay for it all. That should be her punishment and once she is pregant her social teen years and growing up are over because she will have someone else to raise. Once again, DONT PUNISH HER OR SHE WILL WANT TO HAVE MORE s*x JUST TO p**s YOU OFF!! Just be parents without having to much strictness.

Hope I helped!

Answer 4

I feel really bad for you. I know this has got to be hard on you guys. Well I think punishing her will not make a difference. Just be very involved in your daughters life. Keep her busy with positive things. Tell her how important it is to wait until your married before having s*x. Ask her if she is ready to be a mother. When she responds no of course not then tell her if your not ready to be a mother then you dont need to be thinking about having s*x.

Answer 5

Honey I don't envy you at all, what a difficult period for you and your husband, also your daughter.

How about you all sit down and talk, give her some condoms, not to promote s*x, but safe s*x.

It is very hard as she is 17, and they do experiment, and unfortunately so do there friends, but try to stay at her level, and communicate.

Why is she in counselling, it is due to the fact of her dad walking in on her, or does she have other issues?

I feel if you do push her, she may turn away and you don't want that but then she can't walk all over you either,

I wish you the best, and I hope things do become easier for you and your husband, as it would be breaking your heart.

Good Luck

Minny :-)

Answer 6

Punishments really won't help. Counselling, maybe. But it sounds like she needs something major to happen to make her realize, wow, what am i doing. Like  someone who can relate to her talk to her about this. Teens lying to their parents is normal these days and bad choices, well those are hers and it seems like shes not going to learn until something major happens and itll make her realize it herself. Nothing else will make her realize the mistakes shes making. The only advice I could tell you is to try to relate to her as much as possible right now with different things. Like a passion maybe you both enjoy, or going shopping. No, she doesn't deserve a reward but maybe it will make her realize that her parents do love her. Try and give her extra attention it might just stop her from seeking it from older males.

Goodluck with your daugher, whether or not my advice works I'm sure this will all pass by.

Answer 7

you need to talk to her and ask her question and talk to her about s*x

Answer 8

Her dad should yell at her and forbid her from guys in the house