What do I ask someone who I've met online and wants me to go 4000 miles to meet him?

Question

I'm not stupid and I know it's risky, but it also sounds fun. It's not about him. We're just aquaintances, but he lives and Europe and I wouldn't mind visiting him. However, I don't know him well nor trust him so what do you consider the need to know information in order to smart and wise in making this decision? So far I have address, name, phone number, (obviously to those, lol), perhaps a background check (how do I get that on someone not living in the USA?), and I have pictures of him.

Answer 1

It is very difficult to check on somebody, as privacy is considered very important.

You can do a google search, enter his name and see what come up, if he has rare initials, you can even check on those and the name of his town, but if he is known as criminal I doubt he will write under his own name.

You can try to send a letter to the people next door and ask about him, but I would personally not send you info about my neighbors.

If you want to come on a holiday in Europe, and can afford it, you can make an appointment to meet in a neutral place, like a restaurant, so you can look him over and then decide to make yourself known to him or if he recognizes you, talk with him.

Let not pay him for your travel, as when you decide not to go home with him he might become mad and think it is his right.

It is a little risky, but so is life.

I have done it myself, meeting people in person I only knew from internet, and it can sure be fun.

But if you have a 'romantic' internet relation it is going to be more risky, because of the expectations, I just met friends, knowing that it would not be more than friends.

Answer 2

It is a long way to come just to meet up with someone you don't know (really) and it's good that you are realistic about it :0)

As Willeke said, it's really difficult to get info about someone for sure, short of hiring a private investigator which is expensive (and not as usual in Europe as the US).

If I were you, I would do a bit of homework on the net.  Like Willeke said check his name in Google.  If you put him name in "'s then this will narrow the results down.  Add any other details you know about him to narrow down the search e.g. "Tom Jones" Harrow, London and then see what comes up

Also check all the normal sites which people tend to make profiles on such as facebook, myspace, linkedin etc

Then why not raise a question in the country section on Yahoo about how to look for a person.  Sometimes per country there are local sites which people register on, and getting this and using an online translator can give you a bit more of a chance of success

If he lives with family or friends and you feel comfortable to do it in a cheeky way then ask to talk them.  Also verify some of the info he gives you e.g. what company does he work for.  If it's a big one where it is a bit anonomous you can always call the main reception and ask to speak to him.  If they can connect you then ok (you don't have to speak to him of course) and if they don't have him in the system or have never heard of him then consider it a warning of alarm bells

Ultimately you have to make the decision, and I don't really think that you will get so much info as to be able to make a surefast decision.  

So if you do come to Europe then definately come with a friend or two (or more), both for your safety, and also for fun as well (in case you meet and it doesn't work out).  If he is a good friend then he won't mind a few friends tagging along

Best of luck

EDIT - I just realised that you placed this in the Netherlands section so I assume he lives here in NL?  In which case you can try this page which does the google check for you including all of the local Dutch version sites - just type his first name and surname in http://www.wieowie.nl/

Answer 3

The best advice I can give to you ,is to get to know him,as best as you can,do not rush into going to see him now,get to know him first,I mean more than just the photos,you need to know for yourself,in your gut,in your heart you can truly trust him,and be safe oki, do not let such an amazing trip cloud your judgment.

Honestly? How long have you known him?How long have you been talking? You need to take it to another level,clearly you have ,Yahoo, so use it to your advantage,IM one another,call your pc's,so you can hear your voices,trust me it makes a difference,and then there is the , "CAM" It can be a truly wonderful thing,you could take your cam and show him your home,and he as well for you,that builds a trust between you.That neither has anything to hide that clearly neither resides in a dark gloomy basement.And just talk as if you two were in person.Just take your time,if you wish,have him visit you first.You are in your surroundings,then you can decide if there would be a trip for you out there oki? So have fun,be safe....Trust your inner voice,good luck sweetie.P.S......That is how I met my beautiful husband,he is Europian as well ;)

Answer 4

They don't do background checks in the Netherlands, as that sounded weird to me moving from there to the US. They only do it in unique cases for employment with vulnerable clients, like doctors or child care.

I did fly to the US to meet somebody I met online and see here I am living there now and married. ;0)

Before I made descision I did there were a lot of letters and phone calls. I even talked to his parents over the phone and used a webcam.

It took about 1,5 before I flew out there and informed another American friend I had in a different state, in case it wouldn't work out and I would visit him instead.

Make sure you do feel trust and have a back up plan. Also ask him if he could come and visit you instead.

Depending on how old you are, you might want to bring a friend.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Just ask him politely if you can speak to his siblings for example. If he is indeed dangerous he'll refuse and accuse you of being paranoid. When you're there, don't stay over at his house, get yourself a hotel room and go to public places where he won't be able to molest you or anything.

If you want to check his background you could post his picture somewhere and await the reactions, but it wouldn't be that convenient for him if he'd turn out to be a normal guy with good intentions. Have you seen him through cam?

When did you meet him?