What do I do, 9 year old. I don't want to invade in my daughter's privacy?

Question

I just got a Barbie Girls account. Now she can chat, make and design a room. Invite friends in her barbie room. Something like this http://youtube.com/watch?v=hJ2EWBfmx2Q . I noticed this morning in her barbie email with the site, she's been getting messages like:

- I heart you

- Are you by (bi sexual) or a lezbn (L*****n)

-Some calling her a Bit * *

-Stupid

-Demanding things

All I saw was messages sent to her.

I'm very sad to see this.

She has a computer in her room.

I really don't want it to seem like I'm invading on her privacy, but I didn't like what I saw. How do I handle this without invading her privacy? She might not trust me anymore?

Answer 1

Doesn't matter...she's 9, you're the parent...it's your job to protect her no matter what!!!

Answer 2

U shouldnt put a pc in her room. U should put the pc in the family room or something like that

Answer 3

When are children were younger, they were not aloud to have a computer in their room.  You need to realize that at 9 years old, it may not be a safe environment on the computer. You would think a Barbie site would be, wouldn't you. You need to move that computer to a public area until she gets to be older, much older.

Answer 4

She shouldn't have privacy, not at 9 years old. If that Barbie account allows email, I imagine there are so many online predators on that site. I would delete that right away. Why not get her webkinz and make her a webkinz account? I would put parental controls on the computer as well. You have to protect her. Just remember you are her parent, not her friend. If she gets mad at you, oh well, she will get over it.

Answer 5

She's nine years old. You are not invading her privacy, you are keeping her safe. If an adult who you did not know but she appeared to know came up to her in the street, would you back away so she could have a private chat or would you stay right there? This is exactly the same.

I would delete the account right now, remove the computer from her room, and set it up in a public place. She's obviously not ready for unsupervised internet access - the way this happens is that she's invited random strangers to be her "friends". This is exactly why small children (and yes, at nine she is still a small child) should not have unsupervised internet access in the first place.

Answer 6

I'm not a psychologist, but my job is coaching girl's gymnastics so I meet a wide variety of girls who are guided with different disciplinary styles.  It sounds as though you want to keep an open relationship with your daughter and this is a point at which you don't want her to feel threatened or judged by you.  It also seems that many parents today (which may apply to you?) want to be friends with their children or need to be liked by them.  Your daughter has many friends and only one mother so relish that honor!

Explain to your daughter that you noticed these things on her computer.  She will likely feel embarrassed, not angry.  Explain why it concerns you and that you want to be able to trust her but that those things are not okay.  She needs to learn right now at this vulnerable age that TRUST IS EARNED, not given.  Discuss with your spouse/partner an appropriate consequence if this continues and stick to it.

Answer 7

you shouldnt matter about invading her privacy.

her self esteen could be in jeopardy.

ask her.

answer mine? please

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 8

She's 9 years old. Privacy comes when she's a teen. Your the mum, you're in charge. Interviene now before it gets out of hand, she's just a kid.

Answer 9

At this age it doesn't matter.Better Intervene.

Answer 10

She's only 9 years old. You should talk to her about it. Not like she's a teenager, she's just a kid.

Answer 11

close that account.....

Answer 12

First of all...who is the parent in this?  YOU ARE!

Cancel the account, move the computer out of her room and into a room where you can monitor what she does on it.  

You should be invading her privacy for goodness sake..she is only 9

Answer 13

Do you know what I would do? Write straight away toi the BArbie head office and complain heavily....threaten them with legal action...they are not moderating the site properly...close your daughters account now....it takes proper intervention on the part of parents to stop this awful kind of thing.

Answer 14

shes 9!!! shes needs privacy when her friends are over your house...she can shut the door and talk to her friends about whatever...she DOES NOT need internet privacy....there are too many people on the internet that drive teens and p*****n to sucicide....take her computer out of her room...you dont have to sit over her everytime she logs on the computer but she is less likely to be doing something bad if she knows you can turn the corner and watch her at any min

Answer 15

A nine year old shouldn't have a TV or a computer in their own room.  I would be watching my nine year  old a lot closer than you are.  Privacy is something that children earn when they're little by showing that they can be trusted.  For young children privacy is a byproduct of being trustworthy, in my opinion.  Until someone is 18 years old you have every right to examine every aspect of their life, legally speaking.  Of course morally you wouldn't want to abuse this, after all if you never trust your child they will resent you.  You specifically have evidence that your nine year old is in over her head.  It's time to intervene.

Answer 16

Oh, wow. That doesn't seem like a very safe game.

You might recommend she play Club Penguin.  It's a safe and enjoyable game created for children her age. There's even a chat filter, so innappropriate language cannot be entered.

I used to be an avid player of the game when I was younger.  Feel free to e-mail me with any questions.

Also, check the game out by following the links below!

Answer 17

Theres nothing wrong with having a computer in her room at this age, i did and still do. You should probably talk to her and tell her that you saw these things, you are not invading her privacy, but protecting her and making sure shes safe. You should also say about how there are nasty people out there and that she should ignore them and go to you if it continues. Check on this barbie account to see if theres anyway to block or report the other accounts that are saying these things to your daughter, if there isn't a way of doing this incourage her not to go on the site again. She will probably be disapointed, but there are thousands of other sites and games that she can go on that may be safer.

Answer 18

well you do have to go in her room for laundry and stuff. All mom's go in their kids rooms. Was it up on the screen? Or did you go looking for it.

I am very careful with my almost 9 year old and the computer. She is allowed on sites with my permission... but there is a standing rule that I get all her passwords and can check it all at any time. She asks me before she uses it at any time. She asks me before she goes to any site if she is allowed to go on that site. That is a whole world out there  and you don't know who is on it. There are some great people... and some really sicko's. I would not let my daughter have one in her room either... that is just very unsupervised and the internet is all sorts of people. People in jail, molesters....look at Y!A and all the peopel with anger issues and that say awful, mean things and verbally abuse.

I would watch a documentary with her on the dangers of the internet and kids. It should not be hard to find one. Oprah does shows on that I think. Than tell her that you are uncomfortable with her level of freedom, and whether or not she gets upset.... the computer needs more rules.

If she wants an hour on the computer, she can earn it with 15 minutes of chores. You get all the passwords and up front... no sneaking, it is an understanding that you can and will check any emails and such.

I would be very upset if I saw that on my daughter's too! But than I regulate all her chats. I think that for 9, she has too much freedom. My opinion. I would change the computer rules to fix this problem.

Answer 19

She's 9!!! She doesn't need privacy. Why in the world would you put a computer in her room? Please move it to a family space where you can monitor it. This isn't a privacy issue. She can have privacy when she grows up, gets a job, completes her education, and isn't living off you anymore. Currently, your house, your computer, your internet access, your rules!

Answer 20

She's 9....she shouldn't have a computer in her room and shouldn't be chatting either. You should explain to her that she needs to use her barbie space in an area you can see it too. And if she doesn't like that then delete it.