What do I do, his parents refuse to come to our wedding

Question

We have been engaged and planning the wedding for a year. Out of the blue his father refuses to come to the wedding. He told my fiance that because I can't have children he shouldn't marry me. I'm 44 and he is 36, he does not want children and never has. Do we cancel the wedding and lose all our deposits? Do we do what makes us happy and get married?

Answer 1

Have Your Wedding. If He Doesn't Want To Come It's His Loss.

Lots Of Women Can't Have Kids, But That Doesn't Stop Them From Getting Married. It's A Personal Choice If You Don't Want Them As Well.

Do What Makes You Happy... Marry Your Man.

=)

Good Luck

Answer 2

I am going through the same thing with my own mother.  She didn't get her way with something and now is refusing to come.   I feel it's her loss.  If your fiancee makes you truly happy, go along with the wedding.  Maybe his idiotic father will come to his senses and if not HIS loss!

Answer 3

Do what makes both of you happy and have the wedding anyway.

You and your fiance are both old enough to know what you want.  It's too bad the father can't accept that.

Answer 4

Well it would seem, that in a situation like this, the parents arent going to change their minds, unfortunately!! :( I would just say, have a word with them - get your FH to tell them that you are going ahead with the wedding and you would both love them to be there. However, if they are not there, then you all know where you stand and you wont be contacting them again because you are so upset by it! Good luck with it, I understand how horrible a situation it is

Answer 5

Go on with the wedding girl. Don't miss this chance to be happy. You are not going to live with his father... I understand your husband dont want children too and you can't have children. Its only his father who wants children.. right? let her father had children for himself. LOL.. kidding aside.... Do not cancle your wedding because of that. You both are matured enough to know what you want and how you want it.

Best wishes!!!!

Answer 6

Forget everyone else.  The only thing that matters is what you both want.  

Tell the parents, "Hey that's your lose.  If you want to be so selfish as to miss the wedding, then that's your perogative.  You'll miss one heck of a party and regret it for the rest of your life.  Your choice."

Answer 7

Are you marrying his father???? No You are marrying him. that's what matters.  If his father chooses to miss his sons wedding, then let HIM live with that for the rest of his life.  How can you even think of canceling your wedding.  His father should want to see his son happy. You have your wedding, and have the best time of your life girl!!!!!!!

Answer 8

The son needs to step up to the plate and tell Dad he does not want children. Stupid of the father to take it out on you, and not very brave of the groom to keep silent. So the dad wants granchildren, does he? Well, have him go get one, lots of kids out there that would kill to get grandparents.

I would not stress out over the parents attitudes. It is a shame you can't be welcomed into the family, have a second set of parents. But I would have the wedding as planned, don't lose money or sleep over it.

It might be that the dad is making a last ditch grandstand play to stop the wedding. Talk to your groom, make sure he is not going to give in, and go have a wedding.

Answer 9

i wouldn't cancel the wedding.  if his dad doesn't wanna come, than that is his problem, not yours.  even if your fiance changes his mind later, there is always adoption.  if that is the only reason that his dad doesn't want to come (and it sounds like he might dislike you for other reasons too, and that is just his excuse) than he is being selfish and childish.  he is the one that will have to live with the guilt of that decision.  i wouldn't make a scene, confront him (it isn't your place after all), or anything.  i definately would not cancel anything.  it's your day and don't let anybody ruin it.  have a great time and kill your father in law with kindness.  he will be the one that looks like the jerk here, now you guys.

Answer 10

are you serious?

your FH doesnt want children, what bit of that does his father not understand, its HIS choice

you carry on and get married, with or without his father

his father must have known these things for a while and decides to announce out of the blue? like a child having a tantrum, he was expecting everyone to bow to his wishes, forget it

get married and have a wonderful life

Answer 11

Yes, you should go ahead and do what you want to do and get married. Your finacee loves you and he doesn't care about you not having children, only his father does. If you change your mind, you can always adopt anyway so no worries. You deserve happiness and he wil probably change him mind and come to the wedding anyway, if not, well, it's his loss, not yours. Don't let this bitter man ruin your life. Get married and enjoy your day, you already did the planning and spent the money, have a blast.  

Answer 12

get married, this is your life and your responsible for your own happyness, side that the parents dont need to know everything, if your that age the parents likely older people, who may be old fasioned

they had their chanse at their life, this is your chanse at your own life, they cant demand grandkids, its not about what they want but what the two of you want

get married, be happy and forget about it, they got any sence then they will come around, if not then their loss

frankly i think our parents will be trilled if they but get to go to a wedding, both me and my bf have families who had tendancy of eloping, and only telling their parents after or hours before weddings. So i dont think they really expect much other then a phonecall saying "hey guess what we got married yesterday". More and more people today dont want the stress of a big wedding, and choose to be selfish and do what they themself want, so you both should just tell the parents flat out, you can be happy we bother throwing a resception for you to get invited to. That sertainly should shut them up and make them think about where they stand.

This is not their choise at all, its your, your day, and your allowed to be selfish and tell anyone in danger of blowing it to butt out and leave you to make your own choises.

Answer 13

Don't let them stop you.  The people who are supportive and want to see you get married will be there, and that's what matters..  Go enjoy the wedding with them.

Answer 14

No dad of a 35 year old needs to be this controlling. If he chooses to stay away, that's horribly sad, but it will be him that suffers more than anyone. The son is marrying the love of his life. Yes, it will be a bit sad because his parents aren't there, but they will look like fools. Trust me.

However, I'd leave this up to my fiance. It's his family and he needs to deal with it. You follow his lead and he'll be eternally grateful. And please don't give into temptation and critize them to him. Just be supportive and you'll never regret it.  

Answer 15

Make yourselves happy. Build your life together for the two of you. If dad refuses to come, HIS LOSS, not yours. Marriage is for the two of you to bulid a life around. It doesn't HAVE to mean you become a baby factory. If dad can't see that, Oh well.....  Sorry for your fiancee, but you're his future.

Answer 16

If you and your fiance have already discussed kids and are both okay with not having, children then it's none of his flippin' father's business whether you have kids or not. It sounds to me like your future father in law is trying to manipulate his son into doing what he thinks is best for his son.

If your finace was in his early 20s I could see where his dad might have an arguement (though that still doesn't excuse the manipulation factor). A lot of younger guys think they don't want kids but change their mind as they mature. But you're fiance is in his mid 30s, the age at which most people STOP having kids, not start. My brother was 36 when he got married and 37 when he had his first child. I thought he was smart to wait, and that he would have more patience than a younger dad, but I couldn't have been more wrong. He has NO patience and he now has 3 very active, rambuctious boys, ages 8-13. My sister in law is 5 years younger than my brother and SHE has no patience either.

Whether this is important enough to cancel the wedding is up to your fiance. Personally I wouldn't let my parents manipulate me into cancelling my wedding unless they had a much better argument than that (he's abusive, he's a cheater, he has no job). You and your finiance have made a choice that you are both comfortable with. If you allow his father to interfere with your lives over this, he will know he can influence you by using these tactics your entire life.