What do I do about a neighbor who came to my home and started yelling at my 8 year od son?

Question

I have a neighbor who has a reputation for berating other adults in our social circle when she is in disagreement with them. These incidents happen about once every 6-8 months, are out of the blue, and leave the recipient of her tirade shocked and totally taken by suprise. When confronted, she can't understand why her actions and words are so upsetting and inappropriate. Most of the time, she is a very pleasant person to talk to, and our children have grown up playing together. The other day, she came to my home out of the clear blue, and started yelling at my 8 year old son in front of me and my dinner guests, accusing my son of hitting her son. My guests and I were shocked at her level of inappropriateness, but she says she can't understand why I am so upset with her, and sees nothing wrong with the way she chose to handle this situation. It seems unrealistic to forbid our children to play together because they live across the street, but I'm afraid of what she might do next.

Answer 1

That was your house...

Put your foot down and let her know next time she comes rushing into your home your calling the cops.

If she needs to confront your son, COME to you. Not him

Sure he may know right from wrong, but that is still no reason for a grown adult to take discipline on a child that is not theirs.

Answer 2

Sounds like she may be mentally ill, perhaps bipolar??? She may have been having an " off " day.. I would have taken her aside and told her that the both of you needed to have a serious chat later on, but meanwhile she needed to exit your property. I would get to the bottom of her inappropriate behaviour, maybe it`s just a case of her forgetting her medication.....bipolar moms can be suspicious, and we can sometimes act inappropriate, it`s isolating for us, we loose many friends over certain situations. A lot of folks lack understanding and shun us and our kids.I hope you understand...Thanks for reading

Answer 3

speak to her and let her know that the proper way to deal with a problem with your child is to speak respectively to you about it not your 8 year old child

Answer 4

Ignore them, mother and son it will only lead to more problems as they get older.

Answer 5

First I would have said "Excuse me but lets step outside for a moment." Then I would tell her that she is to NEVER talk to your child like that AGAIN, if she has a problem then she needs to speak to you in private as an adult.  Also I would tell her to that when she is ready to act like an adult and calmly discuss the situation she can return to your home, until then she needs to leave your property immediately. Then if she continues her tirade, turn around and walk into your home and lock the door.  If she bangs on the door or continues her behaviour, you will have to contact the police. I wouldn't normally suggest that with a neighbor but this woman needs help and needs someone to standup to her.

I would also from this point on allow her children at your home ONLY and not allow your children over there until she gets help.

Answer 6

id cut her lose i dont need to know people like that

Answer 7

she has no right to barge on your property and yell at your son! That's just not right!

Answer 8

She sounds mentally unstable. I would tell my children not to play with hers. You need to keep your children safe & you don't know what berating she does at home.

Answer 9

I guess you could still let the kids play together, but just keep an eye on her. Next time, don't let her in the door. You can crack it open a little and tell her it's not a good time as you have guests right now. Ask her to call you later, and that you will speak to her then. Maybe by that time she will have cooled down and become more rational.

Answer 10

i used to have a boss like that

he could be very nice and kind to everyone - he was like your very best friend for a while

then he would find a minor point (usually) or no reason at all and yell and shout and scream with no holds barred (i never knew him get physical tho)

then afterwards he would be all jovial and just expecting people to behave like it hadnt happened and be good friends again (not a chance) and not understand (or want to understand) that peoples felines were HURT by what he said during his outburst and that he and he alone had damaged those relationships with his angry critical comments.

having been at the wrong end of a tirade like that (and he really didnt care who was present when he did it) - his face was totally different than normal - i do wonder if he had a problem with his brain where he was not aware of what he was doing as such times?

for me i left his employ when that happened - he rang me a week later moaning that 'you didnt pitch up' (not a WORD of apology!) but i had few regrets - and gained some self respect in realising that i would never be putting up with abuse from anyone again - ever

i would allow the kids to play together (not her kids fault what she is like) but dont have your kids go inside her house in case she blows up again.  in any case she wont blow again for another 6 months surely?  best avoid her around christmas time then!

Answer 11

i would slap her smack across her face

she needs to learn that

talking in a nice civil manner will solve the situation [[if there is one]]more better than screaming and embarrassing you.

heck

she has no need to become a barbarian beacuse [[maybe]] your son hit her son its not the end of the world

my lord.

Answer 12

The rule needs to be that they can only play at your house, and that your son is not allowed to be alone with her child, ever.

You also need to contact the police about her assault on your son.  It is totally inappropriate for an adult to treat another person's child that way.  If she EVER attacks you or your child again, verbally or physically, you need to contact the police, and press charges.  Your neighbors should do the same.

Answer 13

You said it yourself several times. She is inappropriate and obviously very immature.  Any time an adult chooses to yell at a child (no matter how close you are to that person) you have to take some action to protect your child above all else.  While I wouldn't forbid the kids to play together, you would be wise to make sure you are around when they do. IMO, if this woman is capable of those kinds of tirades, I would be very leery of what she does to her own kids behind closed doors.   In this situation I would definitely weigh the pros vs cons of actually having any contact with her.   Good luck!

Answer 14

Well, there is a bit too much intimacy going on.  Not the dirty kind, but rather the kind where it is OK for her to step into your role as parent and confront your son.  She should have handled it by talking to you, and while coming over and yelling at you in front of your guests would still not be a great thing, at least she would have been within her rights and obligations as a parent.

You need to tell her in no uncertain terms that you are your son's parent, and that if she has a problem with him, that she should contact you.... not him.

If she cannot see why, tell her flat out, that she is not to parent your son.

If this brings an end to the friendship so be it.  

If this lady has this kind of reputation by the way, your son will have shrugged the whole thing off as the "crazy mom blows a fuse.... again".