What do I do about my baby's dad?

Question

I'm having my first baby due Sept. 3rd. I love her dad (my boyf.) so much but I'm wondering what to do in the best interest of my daughter. He works for his dad, they own a business together. I lost my job in Feb. and don't plan on going back to work until the baby is a few months old. But he hasn't been working the past 5 weeks either. I have been living at my parents house basically housesitting as they have been both out of town for an extended time with my dads work so there are no bills for me to pay. I have govt help with healthcare and have money for food. Which I hate b/c I don't like handouts, but I need in this situation. Everytime I try to talk to my boyf. he flips out and says all we need is love and I don't care about him or I would be there for him in his time of need. All I do is cry anymore b/c all I can think of is this baby and here needs and I'm at my breaking point. I don't know what to do but I won't let my child be affected by this. WHat do I do about him?

Answer 1

That sounds very very familiar! i ended up leaving for that, among other things, i'm not telling u to leave if it's not right for u, but it ended up being tha best thing that i could do for my son, and i! We stayed, until he was 3 months old and i could no longer take it. My son's dad didn't want me to stress myself working, but wasn't handling his end too well! So i took matters into my own hands, i was so sad, and depressed by this situation all of tha time, and i wanted better for my child, i wanted him to grow up seeing GOOD examples of living, and being successful, especially since i was 21, at tha time, a young mom, odds are against us. I stayed with a friend for a lil while (vowing that it would be tha last time i needed to, basically, rely on someone else), i made what i could of tha situation. i was lucky to have a free babysitter for a lil while, in my cousin, while i got a part time job, for starters, which i am still at now (it's only been a few months) and i put in a good amount of hours at work, but not so much that i never got to see my lil boy. now, i'm proud to say, that i've been in my apartment for 2 months now, i am working, and we are living very happy, and i am able to give him good examples of responsibilty! As for his dad, we did have other small problems that added up. And as i suspected things would happen, he is now incarcerated, and in no position to be a dad! I met a good man, within a month after i left his dad, and we took it slow, and i don't regret any of it now, because he's a great role model for my son and we live relatively stress- free, with god's help.

Answer 2

Well first of all he sounds pretty selfish by saying that your not there for him in his time of need. The only thing either of you should be thinking about is that baby which it seems like your doing just that. Your boyf has to start thinking about finding another job in the meentime. I know it's probably hard for him being a buisness owner because he probably will not make the money he's used to making. He also should really start supporting you emotionally. The last thing you need right now is stress (very bad for the baby). He's got to start thinking about the baby and what's best for him/her. I can tell you from my point of view. I gave a lot up, I am a single dad. I have a 2 and a half yr. old little girl. It's got to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I work full time get no help from the state, and no child support. I gave up my social life all together and I have not dated in a little over a yr. I don't date because between working and taking care of my daughter there's no time to meet anyone. You need to tell him that you didn't have this child on your own it took two of you. He's got to stop thinking about what he needs and start thinking about what's best for his family. Right now it seem's that a job would be perfect. He also needs to start tending to your needs. If your stressed your baby is stressed and that's not good. Well I wish you two the best because you do love eachother. It would also be nice if the baby had both of his/her parent's in the household. You also need to keep in mind what's best for the baby. If that's getting rid of him then so be it. Maybe all he needs is a wake up call. Because I can tell you that being away from my daughter for any period of time would kill me. She is my life and I would not give her up for anything. If I had to work two jobs to give her what she needs then I would. Also remember the things she needs the most is clean diaper, food, and most of all LOVE. All the other things like toys would be nice but love is what's going to make her feel safe. Remember there's nothing like a parents love if you can't give her anything give her love.

Answer 3

You need to take control of your life and the situation.  Get a full time job and get off public assistance.  Start planning on raising this baby alone.  This way, if your bf wants to help out, fine.  But if not, you are not dependent upon him.  Trust me, it's a necessity to be able to depend on YOURSELF and take care of yourself and the baby.

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and single.  I work full time, keep my own health insurance, pay  my own bills, etc.  If I can do it without help, so can you.

Answer 4

tell him flat out, that he is being unrealistic! you need money to survive and you needs job to make money. he needs to be working to support that baby! tell him that you love him but if he doesnt start making some sacrafices or show some sign of commitment to you and your baby finacially, or you're leaving him.

that simple.

Answer 5

It sounds like you need to be consistant. Tell him that he needs to help take stress off you. The free healthcare won't pay for diapers so he might not have a care right now but you two will hate eachother when the baby is crying no matter how much you are in love now.  Good luck I can tell you will be a fine mom, and remember it's your time to be selfish not his.

Answer 6

you can't do anything about him.  he is clearly indicating that he won't help you with this situation.  you need to get an education and a good job so you can support yourself and your baby.  stop thinking about how to get him to change and realize that you will have to take care of the baby.  he is not ready for the responsibility so forget talking to him and make your own plans for how to survive.  you are too late, your child is already impacted by not having a home with 2 loving parents, not having parents who can support it, having a dad who flips out and a mom who cries all the time.  only you can change the situation.  get busy planning your own life with the baby assuming dad will not help at all.  that is often the case.

Answer 7

Anyone man who says "all we need is love" is a lazy man.  He obviously doesn't see the need to provide (financially) for his family or the seriousness of the situation.  You need to start thinking of a financial plan for you and your baby.  I'm sorry you are having such a tough time.  I really hope it works out for you.