What do I do about my girlfriend's Asian roomate and my shoes?

Question

My girlfriend shares her place with a couple of roommates, one of whom is an Asian woman.

I know Asians like people to take their shoes off before going inside their houses. I'm not going to debate the merits of that here. The bottom line is that I refuse to do that. If you want me in your house, you had better let me enter your house fully clothed. If you want me to start taking my clothes off, you'd better be about to blow me.

When asked to take my shoes off, I politely refuse. Her roommate gets taken aback by this- no one has ever refused to take their shoes off before. She never gets overtly angry at me but she does passive-aggressive things to let me know she doesn't approve of me an my white guy ways.

And while I don't live there, I have a right to be there as my girlfriend's guest. And my girlfriend thinks this is funny.

I guess my question is what do I do about this to stop her roomate from being annoying? I wipe my feet before going in and I've never tracked dirt inside. Actually, this is all kind of funny to me.

Answer 1

Frankly, you're being really rude.  You're a guest in THEIR home, not king of every castle you enter.  It's good manners on your part to respect the rules of the home you visit, just as you respect the social customs and local laws when you visit another country.  

If you don't like the rules, then don't visit that house.  If they don't like your rules, then they don't have to visit your house.

Your girlfriend may think it's funny now, or may *tell* you she does, but eventually the strife between you and the roommate will make her home life less enjoyable.  And she'll probably start to think you're a bit of an arrogant jerk for not going along with a simple request just so you can prove a point.

C'mon, dude, is it really that big of a sacrifice?  Do you really feel that uncomfortable in your socks?  Do you really have that little concern for the feelings of others?

Answer 2

If you are her guest, then you should do what she asks you to do. Not to do so, is disrespectful and rude. Your girlfriend should and her roommate should discuss this and if they come to a decision that everyone should take off their shoes when they go inside, then you should be no acceptation.

Of course she doesn't approve of you and your ways since you are disrespecting her and her ways in her own home. How would you feel if someone continued to come to your home and did something time and time again that you didn't want them to do but yet you could stop them from entering your house?

You ARE tracking all kinds of germs, pesticides and anything else that you might walk on outside into the house. Just because you don't see the dirt, doesn't mean it isn't there.

Why do you have such a problem taking your shoes off? Why do you have to be so stubborn?  

Answer 3

If the Asian girl was the only one who lived there then she COULD expect you to take your shoes off or not come inside. However, since there are other roommates who also live there and don't have the same shoe requirement (and taking your shoes off before entering a household is not a common custom in this country) she can ask, but you can refuse as long as the other roomies back you up.  

Answer 4

I am indian, and that's our custom too. It's not about smelly feet. Asians consider their home abode of god...and in asian cultures, wearing shoes where god dwells is considered disrespectful. Why aren't you just open minded...if it hurts her feelings suck it up! Maybe you'll learn something new...we respect your culture, why can't you respect ours?  

Answer 5

What happens if you step onto something like dog p**p?  Do you just hose it off and walk around your house and lay on your bed with your shoes on?  It's like spreading dog p**p and everything else you stepped on outside into your home.

Answer 6

"If you want me in your house, you had better let me enter your house fully clothed." - You're confused, I doubt anyone actually WANTS your disrespectful presence in their house.

"When asked to take my shoes off, I politely refuse." - Oh you were polite I guess you can come in after all, what was I thinking? I would have politely told you that you can't come in. It doesn't hurt me if you leave.

"while I don't live there, I have a right to be there" - No you don't. Unless you pay the bills.

"this is America..." - That means that people may create rules for their property.

"Asking us to take off our shoes is like asking us to unzip our flys" - False analogy. How is it the same? You have a p***s on your foot?

One of these days, I'm not sure but maybe, just maybe, you will grow up, own your own place, clean and maintain your place, and create rules for visitors. Good luck with life.

Answer 7

Okay, i understand that you are not being rude. It is more like disrespectful of other people's traditions. For example, when you are doing  reading and i am a very noisy person, but i would be quiet when you dont want to be disturbed. Because it is a sort of respect to you. I think your girlfriend's roommate would appreciate that too. I dont mean anything wrong here.  

Answer 8

Dude i know it seems petty and pointless... but some people would rather smell your stinky feet then have shoes on their floor!

It's very disrespectful of you to not follow throught the request of someone who lives there!

if you were to do this at my house ( if i even had such a stupid rule like take shoes off) oh wait i do in the winter!  i don't want my hardwood floors to get jacked up... you would stay at the door way or leave!

if you can not respect everyone who lives in the house your b- slapping EVERYONE who lives there including your girl!

more over when you are able to take your shoes off!

we all hate it!  but if your going to visit someone and they have a room mate ALL RULES ARE STILL to be applied!  

and being asian doesn't mean anything so why did you through that up too???  what if she was white!

dude you need to get a taste of the real world and WAKE  UP!

Answer 9

If it's so funny then why don't you cooperate?

Answer 10

Tie up her feet she'll be used to it....I'm sorry that's not ok but I had to say it. China really does have some bad civil rights abuses but they are getting better

Answer 11

I'm from California and never used to take off my shoes, because nobody ever did it here. Then I met my husband and went to visit his relatives in Tennessee and New York, where they all take off their shoes! They thought I was weird because I didn't. So I started taking off my shoes, no big deal, and now we do it at our house! The point I'm trying to make is that it is not just an Asian thing. Also my relatives in Oklahoma do it! (we're all white Americans)  

Answer 12

Wow...you have issues.  And I'm not talking about the shoes.  Your poor GF.  When entering somebody's home you should respect their home.  They may have rules that they ask you to follow.  By disregarding the rules you disrespect the person.  Shame on you!  You have no right to dictate the rules in somebody's home.  Do it in your own.  

The comment "India/China/Wherever you crazy minorities are from" has no place in today's society.  Just an FYI, there are many people I know who are not minorities who ask people to take their shoes off before entering their homes.  In fact, I know more white people who do that than minorities.  Stop being so closed minded.

Answer 13

I think that you should respect her culture and take your shoes off.

That your girlfriend appears like the situation is funny is probably since if she can't take anyone's part. She doesn't want to upset you or her room mate.

It's the Asian-girl's home too, and that means that you are her guest as well. They easiest and only way is to take your shoes off.

You know, you can always put them back on before going outside ;)