What do I do about my parents, my older brother, & my depression ?

Question

Well, here's the thing, & sorry if gets kinda long, but I need advice &

I also need to seriously vent. I'm currently 25 years old & physically challenged (in a wheelchair). Ok, sometimes with my parents & my older brother, it seems like all 3 of them think that I'm not capable of at least trying to find myself a good guy (for a boyfriend & such).

Every time I want to have a serious conversation with them about how I feel, they wanna totally blow me off, as if my feelings, thoughts, & aspirations for an at least decent future are never good enough.

They have the nerve to treat me as if I'm just supposed to work & study my butt off, because those are the only things that I'll be good for. Like if I don't have the right to love someone & them loving me back (as well as treating me with respect) because, they (my family) never think that it's ever good enough for me to even feel this way.

Like if I'm supposed to not have any type of loving feelings & other emotions like that. I mean, I don't know what to do anymore.

Also, to make things worse, they've even had the gall to tell me that

I belong in a nuthouse, or at least in a psychiatrist's office.

Yeah, like that's gonna help matters with them still talking that way

when I get home. I'm saying this 'cause I've tried that approach already.

Guess what ? It failed miserably !!! ... & that was just with my parents talking !!!

They make me feel like if I do get (or have) a boyfriend, that it will

be like a competition. Them vs. him, with me in the middle of the whole thing, still taking the brunt of everything, mainly their disdain.

It's like if I get a guy, I won't be their daughter or sister anymore.

That it'll get so bad (which it is already, by the way) that they'll end up not loving me anymore, just because they think that I'm against them if I do this.

To them, I've tried to be nice, I've tried to be firm, nothing works.

Please, somebody, help. What should I do ? What should I say ?

I don't want them to hate me. It feels soooo bad !!!

I feel like they already do hate me. I try to be productive, help around the apartment, even helping my parents, going out to run errands whenever they can't, just try & show that I can be a good daughter & a good sister to them. They're never satisfied anymore. I hate this.

Sometimes, it just makes me feel so bad that I wish that I wasn't around anymore, that way they wouldn't complain so much about me.

Again ... help !!! :-(

Answer 1

There is something wrong with your parents.

I can't diagnose it, but being part of their drama isn't ever going to help you have a full romantic or sexual life.

Somewhere, in your city or online, there is a group for people just to discuss this sort of thing - where you can discuss it with those who have more and less experience.   You need to find those people.

You can't make your parents love you by doing chores. They love you or they don't.  And if they are threatening that they WILL NOT love you if you get married, well, that is just to mean and tacky for words.

Make your decisions, meet new people, don't discuss it any more.

Answer 2

Ok first of all.. I am so sorry. Everyone goes there with their parents. Maybe they are all trying to protect you from getting hurt and don't realize by doingg that they are really hurting you in the long run. I mean they can't protect you forever. Your already 25 years old . And even though you are handicap, if you don't mind,  you should have every right to love some one and for them to love you other then your family.

And you need to try to be a little more firm and let them know you are old enough to date and they can not stop you. You are already an adult. You have to do what makes your happy. And sooner or later you will see that your parents will love you no matter what as long as you honor them and respect them. And you cannot put off your happiness for theirs you need to be happy your self.

Please don't feel like hurting yourself or that you shouldn't be around. And you need to let them know you can take care of your self and the things you cant do you will let them know. And tell them thank you for trying yo protect you and explain to them , if you already haven't that they are hurting you even more.

I hope this helps. I am sorry if its not good enough.. Good luck!  

Answer 3

This is one of the saddest stories I have read.  It's like your own family treats you different because of your handicap.  Everybody needs their own love life including you, then I had this idea.  Why not start your own dating site for the handicapped?  This would keep you busy, make you money, and you might even meet Mr. Right.  Just a thought, just for you, do with it what you will.  A friend of mine knows a handicapped couple (both in wheelchairs) that calls him to do all their handyman work.  If they can manage then so can you.  Another thought (look out, i don't usually think this much) maybe your family are this way because you spend too much time at home.  If I had a sister like you, I would expect to have to do things for her (I don't have a sister, wish I did) as they would be awkward for her.  I can see your family treating you the same way because they will never realize your capabilities.  My advice...go out more often, so when you return you can tell them about your outing and maybe open their eyes a little.  Please do not even contemplate suicide.  I had a friend (a girl) that did that, and I will never recover from it.  It may seem the easy way out for you, but your friends and family would suffer forever.

Answer 4

Look, youre 25 years old.  Stop trying to be a good daughter and just be a good adult.  Thats all.

Study and work until you have enough money to get your own apartment where you can make decisions for yourself and date whomever you wish.

Answer 5

Iam sorry to hear about what you are going through, no one has the right to talk about another in that way,you just need to focus on you. not caring or worrying about what they are others say about you. talk to god about this, he knows what is best for you. you sound like you are the mature one in this family. there is someone out there for you. you will find the right one when it comes alone, and i just know that the love that you give out will be given back to you in return, so stay focus on you, be the best you can be. and good luck and may god bless you.just trust him and you will see the difference in your life. so don't give up. you still have your whole life ahead of you. that  is full of good hings and full of promises. god bless you.