What do I do about this situation?

Question

My b/f has a lot of debt. We live together, and it does cause a strain. his ex wife, who is a L*****n, new girlfriend has come into a lot of money through a inheritance. I find it a bit weird that a virtual stranger would offer u almost 10,000 just cause they your ex wife's new partner. I should mention my b/f & his ex have a child, so there is a certain amount of contact between them, anyway his ex wife asked my b/f if I was to blame for him having no money. I was very annoyed about this, as quite the opposite is true. To defend myself I sent his ex a text explaining this. There was no malice, verbal abuse or anything personal in the text that could have offended anyone, however the new girlfriend of the ex wife came on the phone to my b/f & told him I had sent a nasty text to ex wife, she was inconsolable & she didn't know if her health was up to such a strain. I would like to repeat the text was not offensive, I have shown it to others, with no axe to grind on either side who agree the text was harmless.My boyfriend however has taken his ex wife's side, before he even found out what the text said & has threatened to leave me. I don't understand his reaction, I am lost & very confused & would appreciate others insight. Thank you

Answer 1

Maybe he is after more money from his ex wife and girlfriend.

Answer 2

Sorry to say this but it sounds as if you have a right numptee for a boyfriend. My advice would be to leave him then they will see just how useless he is with money.

Answer 3

I'm no expert on relationship matters and this is a bit messy, but personally speaking it sounds like your b/f is a bit immature.  Using threats to leave you just confirms that he is not very mature.  Without knowing the nuances behind the actual events, practically speaking it may be time to re-evaluate your level of committment to this man, and whether you really see him as your life partner. If not, have a think about moving on because if the ex is still very involved in his life, do your really want to spend years dealing with it?  

Good luck.  

Answer 4

I agree with Goldie, you really should evaluate yourself with him. I dont see why he should take sides even before he saw the txt you sent out. If he is in debt and causing you financial problems, then lady you really should be saying good bye to him. I don't understand why an ex's girlfriend should give you 10000, i really dont! and if you ask me I think there is something dodgy behind it.

Just evaluate the costs and benefits of being with him and what the future holds for you two and make up your mind.

Answer 5

From what you say, it seems you are in deeper into helping your boyfriend with his problems than you should. These debts are his, let him deal with them. You should be careful about taking on any personal responsibility for them.

The point is those who live by debts, aren’t particular about who they sponge off or how. Clearly he doesn’t want you to give out details of the financial sides of your relationship. Possible also that he’s even made up a sob story about you to get some money help from these cash-rich women he’s now siding with. The storm over the minor incident may only be to back you off, keep you confused, lost and under his control.

When money’s his focus, you might instead call his bluff and ask him make good his threat of leaving you. Might actually be better for your financial health if he does.

Answer 6

Hiya

I'm sorry your BF hasn't understood your view and has 'sided' with his ex-wife.

The ex-wife asked your BF the question, so really I think you should have left it up to him to reply. But then I would have been mad too if someone had asked that about me - and I would have wanted to defend myself too.

The problem with txt's is that they can very easily be taken the wrong way from how they were meant.  Txt is NOT a good option for points like that.

Your BF obviously has also misunderstood the txt and is wanting to protect the mother of his child (which I think is quite a nice quality - the protecting, not the misunderstanding).

I think if you talked to your BF and explained you now understand the txt could have been taken the wrong way, and you are sorry because it wasn't meant like that - hopefully he will understand.  You could offer to telephone the ex-wife or her partner to ask them and explain you're sorry they misunderstood the txt and you honestly didn't mean any upset.  Discuss it with your BF before doing that though.

As for giving your BF the money, well I think that's a little strange too.  But his ex-wife's partner obviously loves his ex and their daughter, so its very possible she's just trying to make life easier for them by helping with the money.

I'd be a little weary of accepting the money if it could somehow be used against him if there is a custody battle.

I hope things work out for you.

Answer 7

Obviously she is playing mind games if your bf is a idiot then leave him, theres more to life then living other peoples problems.

Good luck oh and theres nice guys out there.