What do I do in this senario?

Question

My 13 year old (14 september) for the last 3 weeks had me convinced I should let her go into our local town centre (2 miles away) so with her best friend I let her go and find her feet a little.... over the last 2 weeks I noticed some bits and pieces apearing a new ring sparkly diamond ring you know the type about a fiver from claires acssesories things that we can't afford and she didnt have money for.. when I asked her where there from they were always her mates and as I thought went back to her friend the next day... over the last 4 days she has been begging me to get her some shoes I havent been able to afford them so asked her to wait...

them shoes appeared today and I was told her best friends sister bought them but didnt like them after all so gave them to my daughter... I didnt believe a word of it so went on her msn to her friend and asked her where the shoes come from she told me one shop I asked her if she had seen the reciept she said yes. the shoes come from a completly diffrent shop!! so I confronted my daughter and asked her to get me everything she had stolen I asked her to be honest with me

next thing im being given a bag full of stuff necklaces, rings earings tights fake nails make up it all comes too £167 quid.

now what do I do.. do I take her to the police station.. back to the shops? I dont know what to do can anyone who has been in a similar situation help me out with some advice?

I want to go to the police but am scared she will get a criminal record advice would be gratefully recieved

thanks.

Answer 1

I think you should punish your daughter on your own. At 14 she dosent need and record and a fine that you would need to pay. So just punish her severly and then tell her if she ever does it again you WILL take her to the cops.

Answer 2

Wow, time for some tough love. Glad you are willing to deal with this head-on - what a brat!

That's a lot of stuff stolen - worth a fair bit of money! You go with her, with the items, to the store or stores. She must ask for and talk to the owner or manager, explain honestly and exactly what happened, and apologize. Leave it to the store to decide if they will press charges or not. Don't worry about her having a record, she's a juvenile - but don't dismiss this - it's not just taking something little for a lark, this is being a thief and stealing.

In addition to whatever the stores want to do with her -- and I hope they DO something even if they don't charge her (have her work off the amount of the stuff in the store, etc.) - you need to deal with her at home.

What we would do -- her life is now YOURS. No cellphone, no friends, no going out, no computer (except for schoolwork, and that you supervise) - absolutely nothing extra, no frills, no fun. Her life is now so boring you won't be able to stand her. I would do that for two weeks to start, and if she has a stinky attitude, I would add another week every time she complains.

It wouldn't hurt to take her down to the police station anyway and have an officer explain to her how bad it is to be a shoplifter, and how dangerous this can be.

You must also talk to the parents of the other friend involved - I'd actually do that before all of the rest of this stuff. They were probably in cahoots.

Sorry, mom... she got sidetracked and it's your job to get her back on...

Wish you luck!

Answer 3

if it was me i would take her back down to the shop and the police station that will scare her and were i live once you turn 18 your record is cleared she needs to know what she sis was wrong and she will be punished when she breaks the law good luck  

Answer 4

I hate to say it, but she should be reported to the police. She needs to realize that stealing is never okay. She'll probably be ticketed or something and made to do community service. They will make her return the stuff she stole.

Best of luck!

:)

Answer 5

doesn't it just break your heart when your kids do stuff like this? As a mum you are worried sick about her and what she has done. You are also very angry at her for not thinking about her actions. There must be consequences from this. If you don't act on this she will continue to steal and lie to you. You must be strong and stand up to her. So far you have done the right thing and she has been honest enough with you to give you all the stolen goods. You do need to return all the stolen goods with your daughter in tow. She needs to face up to the consequences of what she has done. It is likely that the shop owners will call the police and this is a risk you have to take. She will probably be banned from those stores and will go on record as an at risk youth with the police. But if you do this now you are more than likely stopping anything further from happening. And stealing is just the beginning of worse things to come. Drinking and drugs, stealing bigger things could be next on her list if she isn't stopped now. Be the bad guy for now but at the same time show her support and she will come right if you are consistent with your discipline. Good luck.

Answer 6

Go to the shop and hope they will not press charges. Beg if you need to, convince the manager of the fact that you've got it and will handle the situation.

Then, without her knowing, go to the police station, ask the people there to put her away for one night, just one. The lonelyness and lack of attention will give her the biggest shock ever. Really. One of my friends once did something similar. They put her in jail for I believe 2 nights and she straightened up just like that.

Might sound a little harsh, but crime has to be punished. I mean, get... real. Right?

Good luck!

Answer 7

I'm not sure the police would do much unless the store pressed charges. If I were you, I'd take her back to all the stores and make her apologise, then save up all her money to pay the stores back (unless she can return the stuff, I don't know). Then ground her I guess.

But I also know it can be pretty difficult not having a lot of money when your friends do, not saying that makes it OK to steal, or that you've done anything wrong, just that maybe she has self confidence issues and feels she has to steal stuff to be "cool", or maybe she's just trying to get your attention. It's worth trying to find out the reasons behind her stealing as well as punishing her. Good luck, I really mean it...