What do I do now, Ugly custody scene in front of my house?

Question

My ex husband came to pick up the kids. he wanted their xbox that i paid for. It's broken but my son went and gave it to him anyway. My husband is a druguser and an alcoholic so I really didn't believe he was going to fix it. I think his intention was to sell it. I asked him not to drive off with it. I would have it fixed next week. He got out of the car and called me a b@@@@ and F U and bla bla bla. All of this in front of the kids and their friends. I walked in the house but the damage was already done. he sped off with the kids and now I don't know what to do. I don't know if he would harm my kids because he's mad at me. Although he is very mean when he is drunk. As far as I can tell he has been sober picking up the kids for the past 3 weekends but Im still scared and really want advice. Should I just calm down and wait for my kids to come home tomorrow or should I go get them and there be another scene?

Answer 1

If you have a lawyer now would be a good time to get him involved.  If your husband is using drugs and drinking, how do you know he isn't doing it all infront of your kids, worse yet driving them around in an impaired condition.  How old are your kids?  It is time to do something, before something happens.  Keep records of intenses like his verbal abuse or threats when they happen....you might be able to have his visits supervised, maybe you can have him drug tested but PLEASE do something for your kids sake if nothing else

Answer 2

s***w all of that mess . Call the police NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Have the police to meet you at his house and go get your kids .

You should have never allowed him to drive off with them !!!! Not in that state .

Just as soon as you get your kids get a restraining order and then take him back to court and have his visitation revoked !!!!   Tell the judge of his drug and alcohol abuse and ask the judge to either order mandatory random drug testing or rehab before he is allowed near your kids again .

Do not go to his house with out the police . This will just add fuel to the fire and could get dangerous .

Call the police now and go get them .

Best of luck .

Answer 3

I've been in this situation before.  You really don't feel that the children are in any immediate danger correct? He does have legal rights to have custody of them as their father, so I would wait until he brings them back. But meanwhile, contact your courts and see about getting his visitation restricted until he completes anger management, drug and alcohol treatment and testing, and parenting classes.  If he really cares about them then he will complete the court required actions to get it right for his children. Also it may be a good idea to meet in a neutral site, a favorite is McDonald's or another public place where not too many issues can take place.

Answer 4

   Take a deep breath.  Now another.  If you are fearful for your hildren, then you can drive by his house, but not repeatedly, or he can file harassment charges.  Does he have a friend you could call and ask him to go check on the children without the friend disclosing why he is there?  What about a relative of his that you have remained on good terms with?  If there's no one, then you will have to tough out the weekend.  For future reference, it would be good to have a talk with the children about what's at Mommy's house stays at Mommy's house and what's at daddy's house stays at daddy's house.   Once you have the children safely back home, you can call your ex and tell him you have decided that the children will not be bringing any more things to his house because of the ugly scene he made today.  Tell him it traumatizes the children.  Do this as soon as the children are returned so that he has time to calm down before he comes back for them.

Answer 5

Contact the authorities if your scared. Let them know the situation and ask them their advice, for now the father is entitled to your kids for the weekend but if their is no law involved still contact the authorities, let them know whats happening and go over and pick up your kids or if they don't want to leave just to check on them.

Best of luck!

I will say a prayer for you!

Answer 6

If it is his weekend with them , there isn't much you can do if he isn't drinking. Are your kids old enough to tell you if he starts drinking around them? if so, ask them. I don't feel he would harm the kids but i do feel he will belittle you in front of them. That has to stop on both your parts and it needs to be put into court orders. Good luck proving it though unless  the kids tell you he did.

Answer 7

Go get them with the cops. Why did you let the kids go with him when he is obviously on something? As primary custodian you have every right to deny visitation when it could harm the children. If he wants to push the issue he can call the cops drunk or high and see if they'll force the issue. I would totally risk arrest for denying a drunk parent visitation while he or she is drunk.

You're contributing to child endangerment otherwise.

Grow a backbone.

Answer 8

As a mother, I can imagine the panic you must be feeling right now. You should call the police. Don't mess around in this kind of situation. Tell them that you fear for your children's safety. They, at the very least, will go to his house and check on your kids for you. They will remove your children if he is any way impaired by drugs or alcohol. Even better, they will file a report so that the incident is documented and you can use it against him in court later if you want to fight for sole custody, which sounds like a pretty good idea to me. It's best to do something about it now.They will also ask your children and their friends to give their accounts of what happened for the report...so when you do take him to court, it's not just your word against his. Good luck, I hope everything works out.

Answer 9

calm down and make yourself a stiff drink!

OR  calm down and then drive by his place to see if they made it there safe.

doesn't he have a phone to call later?

Isn't there something you can do to insure he's sober when he's in a car with your kids?  Why don't you take them and pick them up?

What you need to try and do in situations like the big blow out in front of the kids  is to hold your tongue.  Let him be the screamer.  Don't give him any words back.  Just look at him like he's talking to a wall.  He'll show his true colors in front of the kids.   He was more than likely mad that the XBOX was broke, cause now he doesn't know what to do to keep them entertained.   That's his problem, not yours!!

Answer 10

Arrange to have your children picked up and dropped off at another location, preferably the police station.

Answer 11

do calm down, but talk this over with your lawyer, he has NO reason to act like that over a Game... you need the lawyers advice on how to handle this

Answer 12

Dont go get them. Your best bet is to find a Gaurdian Ad Litum and go to court and try to get sole custody or supervised visitation. A GAL will revwie your childrens situaltion of both sides and advise the court on what is best for the children. This person is only concerned with whats best for your kids. They will take into account your situation as well as their fathers and figure out what might be the best course of action to make sure your children are safe. If you do this though you are also going to be looked at. If things are really bad you can always call child protective serives on him. Again this could open a whole can of worms but it could be whats best for your children. A huge part of a social workers job is just trying to help a family stay together and have the things they need to succeed. If you have nothig to hide there probably isnt anything to worry about because your a responsible parent. No matter what your child safety is whats most important.

Answer 13

go get them. Their safety comes first. Then appeal in court to get full custody!