What do I do -- people RSVPed extra guests for my wedding...How can I be nice but still tell them "wtf!"?

Question

For instance, the invitation was sent specifically to JOHN AND MARY SMITH, but on the RSVP card under 'number attending' they wrote in 4 and plan on bringing their kids, etc. I don't want babies crying during the ceremony!!! Besides that, even if I didn't mind the kids, we are already at MAXIMUM OCCUPANCY of the reception hall...I can't have everyone bringing someone extra (or two or three...) If it were just one [rude] guest to do that, I would try to make extra room. But so far 2 outta 3 on average have replied this way! I can't believe no one remembers good ol' fashioned etiquette (i.e., only those invited show up!)

:(((

Answer 1

This is a dilemma. I'm at a loss on how to handle this so I would defer to talking about this with your team, the people helping you plan this affair. I think you need to come up with a game plan and it's better if you have multiple people (3 or 4) contributing to it. It's touchy for sure. You don't want to upset your guests but you do need to keep the number down. It's your wedding after all. Is it possible to change venues?  If not then that kind of narrows down your options.  

Answer 2

I just asked a question about people doing it yesterday, luckily for my brother its just guests either rsvp-ing with "jane smith and guest", despite the invite clearly being just for them only, or people ringing up asking to bring a date. So many people are doing this and I think its so rude! They should just be grateful to recieve an invite! I was a bit shocked that a lot of the answers I recieved were along the lines of "of course they should have a date".

My bro can't afford to have all our singleton relatives bringing a guest to his wedding so hes just having to say no. I'm at a loss to explain how people don't know how invites work but I think the only thing you can do is fimly and politely say no and offer your appologies.

As much as you may want to shout NO YOU BLOODY CAN'T BRING 3 OTHER PEOPLE!!!! its better to just phone them and say "Oh hi Mary, thanks your rsvp for you and John. I noticed you put 4 as attending, I'm sorry if it wasn't clear but the invite was just meant for you and John. Can we still count on you and John being there? The venue won't allow for the extra guests I'm afraid"

I'm sure a lot of people will be annoyed (despite it being their fault) and not come but hopefully most people will understand and appologise.

Answer 3

I went through this SAME issue with my first wedding!

OK, here's what you do, politely call them and say "Thank you so much for saying yes you'll be coming to my wedding. I greatly appreciate it. However, I noticed that when I just invited(enter the names)you put you'd be bringing more. Even though I love your family, without extra guests, we're already at the maximum occupancy. Your children are wonderful, but we really don't have room. I'm sorry, but please only bring yourself and your(wife/husband/who ever else you invited."

I'm in shock that people do that too. I'm terribly sorry!

Good luck and congrats!

Answer 4

Haha...I know that this is NOT funny...but it will be.  I had it happen to myself MULTIPLE times!  They were all on the groom's side, so I had my future MIL and FIL handle it (because of a situation relating to my bridal shower...long story).

If I was to handle it myself, which I almost did...I would have called them and said:

I am sorry, but we are keeping our celebration small.  Unfortunately, the invitation was only for ____ &____ .  Are we still able to mark you down as attending?

Good luck!   It will be funny in a few months!  :)

Answer 5

You shouldn't have to worry about being rude because they are the ones who are out of line here. As long as you don't call them all stupid when you call, you'll be fine.

Simply explain that those addressed on the envelope are the only parties invited to both the ceremony and reception. State that there is limited seating in the hall, and that you're at maximum occupancy. Say you appreciate their excitement, but you hope they understand.

I would also have your parents help you out with this, especially if some of the guests are their friends, more so than yours.

Definitely don't make extra room, and don't budge on the "no kids" rule. We're not allowing kids at our wedding, either, and some people's feelings were hurt, but we're actually really happy we're sticking to our guns with that one.

I would be livid if I were you. Stuff like that irritates me so much. But just be as friendly as you can be on the phone, and if someone gets upset, just say, "I truly apologize, but we're doing our best to accommodate our closest friends and family with our limited seating situation and we appreciate your graciousness regarding this situation." You don't have to be so formal all the time, but something along those lines should shield against any hurt feelings.

Autumn Dreamwalker: Actually, if children are invited, the envelope would have been addressed to "and family" at the end. It's rude to assume children are invited when only the parent's names are on the invite. If you're ever unsure, the proper way to go about it is to call and ask first before just adding them yourself to the RSVP. You have no idea how much this is a hassle to brides planning seating charts and such, especially when the asker has done everything properly.

Answer 6

Oh my this happen to me his second cousin rsvp with her 4 kids too. I was not happy but thankfully most of all my hubby was not happy either! We actually had his mom call and explain due to the time and where we were having the wedding children were not invited. So she said ok and understood.  (Hahaha)

She still showed up with her kids in tow. I wasn't happy at all, she even had a fit her kids didn't have place cards. My coordinator actually had gave their two choices (one to be quite & stay or he call the police to escort her off the property.

I personally I think Some people are rude and think they can get away with and that is why she brought the kids. I should of had her removed before the ceremony began, how ever my better judgment got to me and let them stay. The best way to deal with "rude" people is to talk to them slowly and firmly. I should of called her, not my mother in law (she to nice of a person) try not to be mean but just firm.

Just a fair warning though if there rudeenought to rsvp with extras they will show up and wear tacky clothing too (the girls were in short low cut dresses (ages 11 &13 &14 ), and the little boy was in a black and green flame shirt with skulls (age 9.)  

Answer 7

The best bet would be to have your relative or someone closer to them explain the situation.

Let them know its not cause you dont want them, just let them know its due to capacity... they can't be mad at you for that.

I know, my wedding is in 3 weeks and  so far the RSVP thing is the thing bothering me the most!!!!!

Answer 8

Just call them and say "we are sorry for the misunderstanding, however we are only able to invite a certain number of people to the wedding due to seating capacity at the hall so we only be able to accommodate the people that we listed on the invitation.  We hope you understand."  Hopefully, they will and they won't give you a hard time.  If they do, you may have to decide if it's better to let them bring the extras or for them not to come at all.

Answer 9

How about calling them and telling them, first, that you're really hoping that the two (2) of them will be coming to your big day but you've already reached the maximum (implying, of course, that this number was determined by the fire department and/or the insurance company--some higher power) and you just can't include the kids.  

Or you could say that your favorite uncle is coming and he's a child molester......

Answer 10

Direct is best in this respect. "I am so glad you'll be able to attend my wedding. Though I'd love to be able to have your whole family there, we don't have any room for extra guests. I hope you understand."

I know it's tedious to have to call everyone back, but it's really the only way to handle it. Some people may drop out entirely - but that's their own fault.

Edit: Believe me, it's not just at weddings that people behave inappropriately. I work at a theater and people bring their babies to shows. When I tell them they have to pay for the baby due to fire code rules, they lose their minds! Hey, looks like it would have been cheaper to get a babysitter!

Answer 11

You call them, and be honest.

“I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but unfortunately we don’t have room to accommodate extra guests. We’d love you see you John and Mary. Will the two of you be able to make it?”

Obviously you don’t want to say you’re excluding kids, just keep to the “no room” story.

You can rope in your mother (if they’re your relatives) or his mother (if they’re his) to help with this if you get lots.  

Answer 12

I would try to make someone else the bad guy.  If possible get your mom or someone else to reply stating that you have already fixed the number of seats with the caterer and reception and that you cannot accommodate anyone else.  Make your proxy the bad guy.  And just ensure if you had the space you would love to accommodate their whole party.

Answer 13

When I planned my wedding I assumed that people with children would be bringing them why wouldn't they?  Writing "No Children Please" on the invitation would have been a nice hint so that they wouldn't have done this. Honestly if your venue can't hold that many people you are going to need to make some phone calls to your guests.  I've never seen anyone address an invitation with 5 people in the family listed on the envelope.  You usually just send them to the head of the household.

Edit: Because I'm not a ***** and I love my family and friends I would want their children to be there.

Answer 14

You call the presumptuous people and say to them, ''As much as I would love to accomodate the extra people/children you wish to bring, there 's a reason why the invite was addressed just to you and your (fill in the blank). Our venue is currently at maxium capacity and there just isn't any room to accomodate your (fill in the blank). if I have any cancellations thus freeing up extra places I'll be sure to call you, but as it stands now, I can only invite you two."

Answer 15

You can have some one from your family (if they are family) mention it to them or if its a friend or coworker you can have another friend or coworker mention it too. Did you specify on your invite that it was an adults only reception? Also, to avoid this problem, you could have written in the number of invites your self. hope this helps.  

Answer 16

YOu said it.  No one remembers good old fashion etiquette.

knowing this, accept the situation.  If you cannot have the extra guests, there is nothing wrong with contacting your crazy guests to let them know how "You regret the fact that you have already maxed your invites out".

I know I would understand.