What do I do to stop my 4 yr old from breaking toys?

Question

My son is 4 yrs old. He is constantly getting in trouble for breaking toys on purpose. Most commenly taking wheels and doors off of vehicles, smashing them together until they break...and usually within the first few hours of receiving this new toy. We have tried making him throw them away. My husband has tried the method of him paying daddy a few dollars of allowance money to fix them. Taking away privilages. But nothing seems to work. We also have a 2 yr old son that I DONT want him to pick up this habit.

Also when he has any kind of paper (gum rappers, sales adds, hamburger wrappers, etc.) he tears it up into small peices.

All this might be normal for some boys, but i have observed his friends and cousins....not a one is like this with their toys.

Any suggestions?

Answer 1

spank him>

Answer 2

The idea, when dealing with behavior you do not approve of, is observing why he is doing it.  It does not sound like he's doing it for the sake of being destructive and malicious.  He's doing it because he is fascinated with taking things apart.  Then we should allow him to do it, but figure out a way to do it constructively.  

Since he is so fascinated by taking things apart, get more toys that he CAN take apart, such as:

--Legos

--Puzzles  (Even puzzle maps)

--Magnetic Building toys

You can also include toys that pretty much are NOT going to break.  The Fisher Price "Little People" are simply not easy to pull apart.  I'm sure Toys-R-Us can help you find other toys that are the same.

With the paper thing, turn it into something constructive.  Print up and cut out small strips of paper that have lines on it.  Give him scissors and it turns into an excercise where he is learning to cut on the lines.  He can do that and clean it up really easily as he goes.  Make it harder later by having curvy lines.  Show him how to do it without explaining too much.  He'll learn, over time, that he has to turn the paper.  Keep reminding him how to hold the scissors.  This is a great fine motor skill activity he can do if he's interested...and it seems like he will be.

Also, why not give him paper and a trash bin?  Let him sit at his desk and tear up paper.  Whether we know the reason why he feels the need to do it or whether we don't know the reason, he's displaying to us that there is a reason behind it.  So give him the opportunity to do it.  Once he learns whatever he needs to know from it, the behavior will stop.

The next step would be to not fix the toys when they're broken any more.  If he wants another one, he will have to save up his allowance money to buy it.  He'll still have some toys (the legos, magnetix, etc.) but if he wants the toy he broke, he will have to wait until he saved up AND until you have time to take him to the store.  (Don't go to the store without him to get it.  He should be the one paying for it at the cash register with his money.)

If the toy can be fixed, I wouldn't get rid of it totally.  I would put it somewhere else.  You never know when he'll grow out of this or whether your 2 year old will want the toy when he's 4.  If it cannot be fixed, it has to be thrown away.  No if, ands, or buts about it.  Realize he won't throw them away, so you will have to do it.  (Don't convince him to throw them away).

Or, just as productive, teach him how to fix them himself.  Most children that are fascinated with how things come apart are equally fascinated with how they go back together.  That may solve your whole problem and he may be taking apart and fixing his toys until the cows come home.

The poster that said (s)he would spank him disturbs me.  Why would you hit a child for doing something that feels like a natural thing for the child to do?  We should be creating a safe environment where children should feel free to explore and learn - not one where they should be discouraged from it.  Your child sounds like the type that might be VERY interested in how things are put together and is investigating that in every way possible.  Don't discourage him from becoming a future engineer for NASA.  (Not guaranteeing anything).  Instead, give him a constructive way to investigate these things.

By doing these things, he'll eventually learn that there are things he CAN take apart and things he cannot.  

Matt

Answer 3

Time out is ok.

Maybe next time you can buy toys that he can manipulate - break apart, put together, build - just to satisfy his curiosity.

Do you know that at school, we give tearing paper exercises to prepare those little fingers for writing skills?

Answer 4

Is it just cars he does this with and what does he do with the paper when he has ripped it up. Does it excite him when he behaves like this? Has your sons speech and language developed at the same rate as his peers? More information about your son would be helpful.

Answer 5

When he starts doing those things, breaking things, ripping up papers, destructive behavior...Use time-out, pick a corner and a chair, get a timer.

When he does those things, tell him "We don't do that(whatever it was)" then sit him in his time-out chair and tell him why he's there and how long he has to stay. If he moves, put him back...until the time is up.

He's not to young for time out, you just have to be consistent and insistent.

You could start out the time as half his age in minutes...He's four, so two-minutes.

My little cousins knew that if they didn't stay there for the whole time, it would start over again! So, it became a big deterrant for bad behavior.

Edit:

I like what your second and third posters have said, it would make sense that he's just exploring his environment so getting and giving him things to do that are appropriate would help in his development. Just make sure that he's not destroying your house to learn more about the world around him.

Answer 6

What i'd do it spank the daylight out of a older boy, but we're not allowed to do that. hmmm. tell your son firmly and if he doesn't stop, he'll grow out of it. trust me.

Answer 7

you have to call super nanny so she can help you or you can take all his toys and not buy him other toys until he calms down..