What do I do when my girlfriend wants to have s*x only when she wants to?

Question

I love my girlfriend to death, and things weren't like this before. Ever since we started having s*x, early in our relationship, we both always had the drive to do it whenever, wherever. Now, almost two years later, it seems like I'm the only one who has retained the same s*x drive.

A couple of nights ago, she wanted to have s*x, after over two weeks of not ever doing it. I was ecstatic and excited, like a little kid, that she surprised me. We had a very hot night and we both enjoyed it, but three days after, she expects to just forget about that spectacular night. I'm a guy, so naturally s*x is naturally overpowering at times. I'm a Scorpio, too, and that's supposed to make me EXTRA horny, which I am a lot of times, but I've had to suppress myself greatly the past several months. Just today, I asked her if we could have s*x tomorrow, and she reacted the same as always - sour faced - and said that she didn't like me asking for it. So I told her, "So what, we only do it when you want it?" And she became silent afterwards.

I don't know if we are going to do it tomorrow, but that's really the least of my concern right now. I hope she got what I meant by that. That in a relationship, it's not going to always be about what she wants, nor what I want. It's supposed to be something mutual, and I've complied in many different aspect of my life in our relationship for her. This is one aspect of relationship, I fear, is something she's never going to understand. I'm worried though, what if she continues to act like this in the future, especially when we're married; worse, when we have kids!? What should I do? Do you think she'll ever have the same s*x drive as she did a year ago, or something close to it? What, as a good, loving, and caring boyfriend, should I do? The last I would want her to think is that I'm only here for the s*x and pleasure, because I'm not.

Answer 1

I think your approach was wrong. I'm no expert on this, but when you wanted to discuss the sexual side of your relationship, you were a bit crass. Sometimes, a woman's s*x drive is hormonal, based on when she is in her 28- to 32-day menstrual cycle. I know in reading a very frank blog by a dancer/choreographer now living in Vegas and very sexually active, she said she's most horny when she's about to ovulate and has a secondary peak when she's menstruating. Of course, that's one woman's perspective.

Instead of blurting out, "We only do it when you want it?" maybe cool down and discuss what both of you now want out of the relationship, and what importance s*x is. It'll be a test for both of you, but how you get through it will either strengthen or end your relationship.

The first mistake you made is the use and stress of the word "you." That's confrontational. Instead, say something like, "I feel that something might be missing between us," or something else that starts with "I," not "you." It sounds a bit more civil than demanding.

Answer 2

Hi Dear,

  Are you trying to please her while having s*x? This is very important.

Try having foreplay before having intercourse,this will get both of you ready to have intercourse and your s*x drive should be high after foreplay My Friend.Don't be in a hurry take your time to please her and you may be surprised..

Your Friend,

poppy1

Answer 3

Dump her, she's selfish!

Answer 4

First of all, I can tell you're unintelligent because you actually believe that your horoscope sign makes you "extra horny"

Grow up and respect her wishes. Women like it just as much as we do. It's obviously something your doing, or NOT doing for that matter.. i'm thinking you may just be bad in the sack mate.

Answer 5

Skip asking and go for it. Maybe she will respond better to physical forwardness than to requests.

Answer 6

if you ask s*x from her, she will think you just want to release your desire, she will think what the h**l, what you think of me, a tools for s*x, but if you just let it happen at the right time right place NATURALLY, maybe things will change better.

maybe you just have a conversation with her, why she being cool lately, is there anything bother her, is she tire or stress, show more concern to her then asking for s*x.

Answer 7

hmm. try not to be overbearing. she probably wants s*x to happen naturally and feels a little pressure. think more and say less.

Answer 8

A good s*x life is important.  Consider this part of your relationship as any important part.  If she isnt fulfilling your needs then you need to move on...sadly, but this happens to people.  I would check some books out in the library about it cuz they know more than me but...hey, if she isnt sexually attracted to you, then, you dont want it to feel forced.  this is trciky.  my boyfriends a scorpio too, but its hard to keep up with sometimes so....find a leo.  hahaha, no sorry, good luck man and do some research on pleasing her and getting her s*x drvie back up!

Answer 9

First of all, MAN up!...for REAL, HEAR me. You do NOT ask for what is rightfully yours. If you've done all that you've said you've done in this relationship and willing to extend yourself without limits, let that same motivation and passion guide you into the untamed place in the bedroom. Be careful, if it is not satisfying your expectations then DO NOT expect anything more once you are married.

Answer 10

You fell into her trap. Now you will realize that just because you have a girlfriend you will not always have s*x all he time. She will start phase two of her plan. She will use s*x to get what she wants, a ring & marriage, then a house, then a SUV, to be like all her friends and so on.

Tell her you want to break up and be ready to leave. Show her! and let her know she cannot treat you like this. But, something tells me you want. You are whipped! You value having a steady ( semi-steady ) v****a, more than your own self respect.

Answer 11

Maybe you should try to change it up a bit and do it somewhere exciting, or in a different way (google that one).

I do think she needs to know of your concerns though, and make sure that she understands it's not all about the s*x, but about the mutual give and take of a relationship. :)

Good luck!

Answer 12

thats what it seems like. stopasking for it. then shell want it. because asking for it makes it seem like thats all you want. its disrespectful to her to ask.

if you want just talk to her about it.

but a relationship isnt just based on s*x.  

Answer 13

Most relationships are that way. You're all over each other in the beginning because everything is new and fresh. After awhile, things start to die down. It always happens. What you need to do is do something special for her. Take her out to a nice dinner, get a hotel room for the night and decorate it with candles and rose petals. Girls go crazy for that kind of stuff. You'd def. be getting s*x that night! lol, but just so you know, girls don't see s*x as much an important part of a relationship as guys do. And when you do something so often, it doesn't become special anymore. It just becomes routine, and, well....kinda boring. Thats probably why she doesn't wanna do it that often. I go through the same thing with my boyfriend.

Answer 14

i think if s*x is such aq big deal talk to her because basically she wont know if you dont ley her...im a scorpio too and just thinking about my bf's p***s makes me crave s*x but i have it like once every two weeks because hes dumb and works all the time... but seriously tell her you would like to make love a lot more because you love being close to her and your so beautiful yada yada yada  

Answer 15

Well she might just be stressed out at her job and doesn't have enough energy to have s*x all the time. But I suggest you talk to her. If you are thinking about getting married and having kids with this woman then I'm pretty sure you can share your feelings with her. She needs to know that it shouldn't be a 'chore' to have s*x with you, it should be something you both enjoy doing.

Answer 16

You don't ask you just do it. Its like you start making out and stuff then one thing leads to another and before you know you are having s*x. You don't schedule it.