What do I do with a 5 yr. old terror?

Question

Okay. My boyfriend's five year old is exactly this. A terror. He can not hear no, he is easily frustrated, he throws top of the lung tantrums where we have to put him in his room for time outs, and he can just scream,cry and kick, sometimes repeating the same word over and over again for 20-30 minutes. He whines all the time, taking him out in public is a chore. He will throw himself on the floor in the supermarket and yell at anything. He can be a loving child but it is few and far between.My boyfriend and I try to be on the same page about sugar intake and dicipline,things that may help him in his troubles, but consistancy is key.We cannot change what goes on during the week, daycare, or his outbursts.I am lost.I am at the point I dread him coming because I have no idea what will happen next.I am sorry this is so long, I need help.

Answer 1

My nephew was the same way. Horrible tantrums but he could be a loving child.

His outbursts were violent.

My sister took him to a therapist and he has made huge strides.

He was also tested and it was discovered that he has pediatric bi-polar.

Try talk to his doc about what the causes could be. But still remain consistent about what he eats and the discipline you use. It will take time but hopefully he will get past this.

Answer 2

Has he been evaluted, to see if he has ADHD, or he may be autistic, I know this is hard to hear, but better be safe than sorry.  My daughter was diagnosed with ADD, age 8,  I noticed when she was unable to keep up in classwork, cry to do homework, or even focus on anything.  I have researched on the internet alternative to medication.  For many years we had given her liquid form Vit B complex and it was amazing difference in her behavior. Vitamin B helps stimulate parts of the brain which need stimulation.  Good Luck.  Mom of 3,  15, 10 & 3

Answer 3

ok...first....no sugar. don't give him red or blue dyes in his food. (sounds crazy, but those dyes have been linked to add and hyperactivity) watch his dairy intake.(lactose intolerance in small children can also induce hyperactivity) . ok. now...STAY CALM. i know, it sounds crazy, but it works. if you yell, or scream, or react other than calm, it makes a child act out worse. either because they feel they're getting away with something, or because they're scared because you've lost control. remember, children mimic what they see.



when the boy acts out, remove him from the situation!! if he starts screaming at the table, put him in time out in other room.(i know, when kids are wild, this seems impossible,but keep at it)

if they are ignored, it upsets them. the whole point is to get your immediate attention.take him away from other people and fun and firmly get it through to him he can go back when he's calm. let him scream in his room! every few minutes, firmly tell him...you're missing out, when you calm down, you can come join the fun. i hope this helps........

Answer 4

They have tapes for this how to raise a child, go to the book store and get one.  

Answer 5

well you said it consistency is key!  You need to be consistent with his time outs.  You need to show him that you are in charge and that he can't control the situation.  Be persistent and do not give into him.  He is old enough now where he can understand it when you talk with him.  Explain to him how his behavior is not good and little boys who don't behave get time outs and get restrictions.  Every time my son acts up...even if it is just a little...he goes straight to time out (and don't use his bed room...that is suppose to be a safe and enjoyable place for him...instead use a time out corner or a different room).  Don't be lenient...handle each time with a time out.

Answer 6

This is a possible case of oppositional defiant behavior or a form of autism. Boyfriend needs to discuss this with the boy's mother or seek advice from a pediatrician. This should be addressed now before he starts real school.

I had this problem with my own son before he was diagnosed with ODB, he disrupted activities and was expelled from 2 different day care/nuresry school centers and then in kindergarten when he kicked a teacher and grabbed onto a fence in the school yard and wouldn't let go or go back into class. I had made weekly visits to all these different places because of his behavior. Turns out he was emotionally disturbed not mentally, but the outbursts were alot to handle.

Without medications we were able to treat Nick by a visit with a psychologist weekly and an awesome new school that worked with him in his early school years we were able to overcome this problem. He was not placed in special education classes like the first school wanted, instead, he met daily with a school counselor and then we were able to achieve positive results and placed him in advanced learning classes to keep his attention and mental ability in focus and stimulated.  He was bored and annoyed most of the time before I knew what was wrong (I had seperated and divorced his father when he was very young and he was confused by this even though he had consistent visitation with his father) .  Thank god for modern technology and yes, electronic games. He is now 15 and in advanced/honor classes and studying computer science/engineering and involved in athletic activities and was a jr life guard at a swimming club this summer.

It may be a good idea to seek full custody if his mother is struggling to care for him as well as you 2 are. He is acting up for attention or is missing something and knows no other way to communicate except for unruly behavior.

Answer 7

it sounds like this kid is very frustrated.  this could be caused by a lot of things, but the common ones are family situation (parenting shared between two households), lack of intellectual challenge, and frustration with peers due to poor social skills.

for the first one, make sure that all those who have care of him are working to similar sets of rules.  make sure that you give attention for positive behaviour and just ignore most bad behaviour.  if you give him discipline (e.g. naughty spot, withdrawal of privileges etc), stick to it and be consistent.

the repetition of a single word is a sign that he is short of distractions and perhaps has a developmental issue with language skills.  it could be that he struggles to express himself verbally as he hasn't got the skills to say what he means before he gets frustrated and loses his temper.  you should try getting him interested in books - read to him, and encourage him to make up stories.

behaviour like this is often a sign of a very bright or creative child who is in need of some help to learn to express themselves.  encourage creative play, like performing sketches or plays, and get him to paint or draw pictures to try and show what he means.  the challenge of this might distract him from his frustrations and give him some other outlets for his feelings and ideas.

Answer 8

Whoa!!!

You and boyfriend are in over your heads.

Without more information on his primary home and care and daycare reports, I don't think I can help very much.

There are so many possible factors here:

  What is conveyed to him about father and/or you by primary parent?

   How does he behave at "home"?  At daycare?

   Need more information about the repetition of word(s) when reprimanded.

Is there any way on earth that you and his father and his mother - or just his mother and father can have a conference about this?  Best done in presence of counselor.

Answer 9

Is he with his mother during the week? if so, you need to find out what may be going on there. he is some how letting out his frustrations with you and your boyfriend. His mother has to be on the same page as well. have your boyfriend talk with her to see how he is with her. He is definitely upset about something and doesn't know how to deal with it. I don't think the sugar intake has anything to do with it, its more of an emotional problem. When he is calm, take him for a walk or sit outside on a blanket and color or just read to him and just talk to him about things that are bothering him. Get down to his level and kinda mention about things that has bothered you when you were little, maybe he will open up and talk to you. Be sure to tell him "thank you for listening to me and that it's nice to talk with him" don't grill him too much, just a little at a time. He will then respect you as a trusting person to talk with. Start out as his friend and get very excited when you see him. I do believe he his bothered by something.

Answer 10

I think he has some sort of problem. I think you and your BF should take him to a doctor. He may have some sort of disorder that requires special attention/care. What about the mother? If she is in the picture then you may have a hard time sticking to any dicipline plan.

It kind of sounds to me like a form of bipolar disorder. It may sound crazy but I watched one time on TV about a child who had outbursts one minute and was lovey the next. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  

Answer 11

Have you asked daycare how he is there?  Does he throw fits, how do they handle it, etc.  Does he have time at his moms?  How is his behavior there?  You get the point...

The first thing I'd advise is for you to ask a lot of questions to everyone else and get a gage on his behavior with he isn't with you.

Then you can get a better idea.  If he's this way all of the time then at least you know you aren't alone...and you can start to handle it AND tell the daycare how you'd like it handled while he's in their care (yes, a parent can tell a daycare how to handle the children in their care) so that there's at least consistency between school and your house.

I wouldn't put him in his room all of the time.  First, his room is supposed to be a pleasant place that allows for good rest and pleasant dreams...using it as a source of punishment counteracts that.  Second, you're allowing him to throw a tantrum as long as you don't have to witness it...this does not teach him how to respond appropriately to how he's feeling but it does teach him that as long as you don't have to see it, it's okay.  

Put him on a naughty step or use a small chair or a certain corner that doesn't allow sight of the television or what the family is doing for entertainment and sit him there...if he gets up or throws himself on the floor, pick him up and put him back.  You CAN be more stubborn than he! :)  Tell him why he's going to time out...other than that, don't talk to him during this period other than to say things like, "Stay on time out," when you're returning him to his naughty spot.  

Then after he stays there for 5 minutes (one minute per year of age), walk over, talk to him about why he got put in time out, ask him to say he's sorry for the infraction and when he does (and he can stay in the naughty spot until he does, if he refuses) then give him a hug and tell him you love him.

It will be exhausting.  But it will be worth it.  A week or two of that vs. a life long tantrum throwing brat...you decide, ya know?  He'll get the idea eventually...and the idea is that he won't win so he'll eventually figure out that the easiest way is your way.  Just when you think you can't do this another day, he'll catch on and things will get better soon enough.

Also...with kids that are so naughty, SO much of the focus is on correcting their behavior and the lingering feelings of upset that we have...so it's super important to actually seek out opportunities to get active with one another playing games, making crafts, etc. so that you have laughing, positive time.  That is so good for your relationship and it serves as a frequent reminder TO HIM of how great things can be when he acts like the good little boy he can be which gives him incentive to try to correct his behavior!! :)

Good luck to you!!