What do I do with my 17-yr old stepdaughter who rarely takes a bath?

Question

She showers only about once or 2 times a wk, even in the woman's dirtiest days! I have lived with her for 1 yr, I feel disgusted about this, I have talked to her about basic hygiene including the importance of showering every day, but she is a hater of showers! She was very responsive the few times I talked to her but that's it! Of course she lies that she showers every day. I am just afraid of pushing her further on it (due to limitations of stepmotherhood). She cant even spread her bed and her room is a disgust. Live with it??? I have a heart to help her as much as possible since she does not seem to have got basics from her late mom.

Answer 1

Your step-daughter is figuring life out.  She's nearly out of the house and it sounds like she is experimenting with neatness, or lack of.  While you can tell her to do this and that, I'm sure you recall being 17.  Sometimes doing what mom or dad wants is just not going to happen in a swift manner.

What you could do is this...  think about what you do like about her and what could possibly be good or neutral about this situation.  When you get into that "good feeling" place, have a chat about how often she *likes* to shower.  

In other cultures, women do not shower as often as in the states.  Actually, as one answerer mentioned, some in the states don't shower daily.  

The fact of the matter is this: she probably isn't doing all of this to bother you, she's just finding her own way.  

When you take the time to appreciate her for who she is and chat about what she prefers, you'll have reached a middle ground where she may be open to what you have to say.  It could also be of value for you to share why you believe in the importance of showering more often and cleaning her room from a real woman to woman perspective.  Know though that you can share your views and it is up to her to do what she will with them.

Do what you can to help your step-daughter believe in herself - that is what she really needs.  If she is already doing that then it is likely the problem is more yours than hers and in that case, it's time to start letting go... she'll be out the door soon!

Answer 2

I'm 23 and i don't shower everyday-i have very very dry skin and showering everyday uncomfortable. But i make sure i always have wipes to hand and use deodorant every day.  

Answer 3

I would embarrass her little stinky azz at every turn - that is unacceptable because she is a female, but, maybe you won't have to do anything because, teenagers can be so cruel and you can bet someone is going to pinch her ear on the subject, so if she doesn't pay you any attention it will be taken care of, in due time - watch.   God Bless.

Answer 4

Tell her dad.

Or

She will know when she wants to take a bath when her friends walk away, and guys ignore her.

Why not? Take her for a facial, nail manicure and things like that.

It will prob improve how she thinks about herself. Then she will shower/bath at least once every 2 days.

Good luck!

XxXxX

Answer 5

Tell your wife to take her a bath simple or spray her with lysol

Answer 6

it may sound harsh but you should tell her if she does not shower she is not allowed out of her room for meals etc as it is not fair on the rest of the family to be near her. you could also try getting her gp to talk to her about basic hygiene. good luck!

Answer 7

Maybe you should take her to a spa or something and let her realise how nice it is to be fresh and clean and get her a spa set just to motivate her.

Or you should just be blunt about it and tell her she stinks and that she needs to sort her lifeout. But say it in a nice assertive manner and let care and kindness remain in your voice.Good luck.

Answer 8

If she does not shower, then she must stink!

You make no mention of the father, so where is he in all this?

Is he happy that his daughter stinks?

Is he happy that his daughter's room is a disgusting tip?

How much support do you get from him?

Tell him that you are not prepared to tolerate this situation, and ask him what he's prepared to do to rectify it!

If all else fails go, get out of there!

Answer 9

Leave the room, don't even go in there.

Might shame her when she brings friends home.

Can't her father talk to her?  Sounds a bit un fair on you.

If all else fails tell her she smells!     Does she?  If not, she might be washing more than you think.

Answer 10

She is 17, she is old enough to look after herself, she will change her mind about non washing when her friends no longer want to hang around with her and guys stay well clear.

Answer 11

As soon as she's 18, tell her to move out and learn to look after herself.  

Answer 12

Let her go, she will come around. Do not get on her back over it.

Answer 13

Just leave the girl alone.  This obsession with daily showering is unhealthy, especially if like most women, your job does not involve heavy manual labour (eg in construction or mining)

Take a cat or bird for example, they are always clean, but do they sluice themselves with water and chemical detergents every day!  Of course not.

And having a period is not "dirty".  It is a small discharge of blood, and no more dirty than a cut finger.

.

Answer 14

Hi..

First of all, i have to appreciate u for u'r love and care on your step daughter...

Tell her dad.. abt hher behaviour and ask him to speak to her.. Tak her to your room and show her how neat u maintain your room..

Tel her she can have her breakfast after bath.. And tel her u will tak her out once she cleaned her room.

Get her small gifts and tell her its an advance gift as she is going to arrange her things in its place..

She will not change in a single day..But your constant efforts will definitely change her..

U r a good caring mother and all goodness will happen to u...

Cheers and Goodluck...

Answer 15

Buy her loads of soaps and deodorants and ask her not to make souvenirs out of it. Then give her a guided tour of the bathroom. If she objects then tell her your nose cannot take much more abuse

Failing this leave great big signs out side your house asking "When do you intend to have a bath?" Not forgetting to use her name.