What do I do with my 6 year old with Separation Anxiety?

Question

She's very strong-willed, sensitive, moody, and always has been. I thought it was my parenting, but my 3 year old is easy going, tough, and stable. Anyway, the oldest's separation anx. started increasing after her 3 yr old sis. was born. It comes and goes in intensity. It's so bad she doesn't even want to stay w/her Dad w/out me. I'm w/her most days, she's had a pretty normal, healthy life. I feel bad for her Dad who she fusses about putting her to bed/reading her story/helping her w/homework, or anything. We have to force her to go anywhere w/him or to a friend's house. She I force her? It's hard on me to always have to do it all - especially because she's a tough cookie anyway, plus it's unfair to my youngest if all my time is w/the oldest.

Answer 1

You need to ask her one on one why she does not want to be alone with daddy.... there is a reason, make sure you find out the correct reason. Listen to what she says and how she says it and not what you want to hear. It gives me concern that she does not want to spend time with him or wishes him to do anything with her.

Answer 2

Do you always talk so much?

Answer 3

Do like an Indian of USA (native American) would do separate from the child but do not let him know that you are nearby and let the child cry it out. Try a closed closet but with a light on.

Answer 4

Maybe Dad needs to make more of an effort to do activities that interest her.  If he is going somewhere that is absolutely irresistable to her, that would do it.  He needs to have regularly scheduled time with her.  Make a big deal out of it and talk about it ahead of time, "Saturday, Daddy's taking you to --- and you're going to have so much fun!"  Don't overdo it, but if it's a regular thing, she will get over her reluctance to stay with him.  Also, you need to have some regular time on your own so she gets used to being away from you.  Even if you just go to your sister's house a few hours one night a week, or to do the groc shopping without the kids underfoot.  The key is to make it a routine.  Kids thrive on routine and that's what they get used to.  She has just gotten used to having you there and she needs to be used to diverse situations.  You can't always be there.

Answer 5

This is probably not the answer but it may help.  My daughter used to have a hard time leaving my side and then I got her a necklace with a locket and I put a picture of the two of us in it.  I told her if I am not there with her, I will always be right inside the locket if she wants to see me.  It has helped us.  

Good Luck!