What do I do with this teenager?

Question

Have a 16 year old son. He is defiant - rarely does what I ask without argument. Curses at parents and teachers. Have given him every consequence known to man. He lies, says he can have s*x if he wants, won't do homework. If he gets in trouble at school I am at the point of just having him get his GED. Been doing this for so many years. He has been on meds, has not been on meds, counseling with I don't know how many counselors and doctors. I am wore out and really just don't know if I can handle anymore. He is immature, thinks he is better than anyone else and has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. I am over it but live overseas so don't have the options like in the states.

This child is very smart and scores above average on tests (that's how he passes his classes). Scored in the 90's on standardized tests. Love sports, but it doesn't keep him from the attitude problem. He thinks he is a star player and they need him. The teachers and principals are fed up with him as well.

Any advice besides me running away? Thanks

Answer 1

You have reeled off a list of negatives, so I suggest you look at your own attitude and change it around. You can't change a situation, but you can change the way you look at it. This is a time when you have the opportunity to begin looking at yourself and focus on how you can stay in the moment and be the best parent possible. Then perhaps he will be right, and with support, nonjudgemenatal positive feedback he will no longer feel the need to be defensive and arrogant. That is due to feeling the opposite way, he needs to compensate for all the negativity.

Stay and become the parent he needs.

Answer 2

Tell him if he doesn't start changing now he is going to fail in life. Anyway by the time hes 20 he should be normal, if he isn't it's just the way he is, you can't change it.

Answer 3

Hello there.

NOTE: This is my personal opinion, and use my advice at  your own discretion.

This seems like a horrible cycle, and I am sorry to say that this is not an easy problem to fix. Honestly. But trust me, he will probably grow out of it.

Right now, he probably wants to test his boundaries. To challenge the "authorities" (i.e. you, teachers, principals, etc.). He probably wants to see how much he can get away with. He will do this by talking back, breaking the rules, etc.

Well, trust me. It think it's totally normal, but stressful for the parent. I bet you almost every parent in the world deals with a rebellious teenager. It's just life. Just stay on your toes. Make sure that he does not hang out with the wrong crowd. I cannot stress this enough: If a teen has bad friends, he (nomatter how good of a person he is at heart) probably WILL be influenced by his friends.

He will grow out of it. Just you watch. He will mature. One day, he will realize what a great mother you are to him, and he will thank you for not kicking him out of the house. BUT, you have to keep a close eye on him. You have to let him know the boundaries. You have to be INVOLVED with his life. Do small things, like attend his sports games. Tell him he did a fantastic job with the goal/assist/etc. Compliment him. Talk to him about this.

Oh, and remember, he probably only WANTS your reaction. He wants to see you mad and upset. He wants to know how far he can take it. So just remain calm but ASSERTIVE. That's important, in my opinion. Make him feel guilty. Just keep a close watch on him.

Try those tips, and keep seeing a therapist/doctor. It is a good idea. Ask adivice from them. Stick to it. Don't give up on your son. Sending him to boarding school...I know this might seem like a good idea, but he might get the idea that you don't care about him, I think. (You may or may not intend that, but he might think this). And that is what he needs most: Your love and support.

Remember that YOU are the mother, and you know your son best. You do not have to follow my advice, and what I wrote are just some suggestions. I do not know your son, but that was a GUESS at what is PROBABLY going on and what I THINK you should do. I know that you will make the right choices for your son.

I hope this helps! Good luck.  

Answer 4

Try to retain some sanity until you can legally toss the little demon out on his rear end.  

Answer 5

He's had to learn his attitude from somewhere and the dirty mouth and attitude toward s*x, but he needs to be out of the home. Have you heard about Boys Town of all the places I think this might be a good and wholesome place for your son. Contact them and get their information, things can turn around and he will be greatful for all this.  Be sure to tell him that you love him no matter what he does, don't have to like it a bit, but love him without demands. God does.

Answer 6

Look into boarding schools or something similar.  Get them to send a package of information pertaining to tuition, school curriculum etc. .  don't tell him about it.  When you get it in the mail, open it and place it in a very obvious place that you know he will see.  Still don't say anything.  If he doesn't bring it up, move it to another obvious place but this time make hand written notes on it like. . . offers classes to help with disobedience etc.  . school has scholarship programs to help pay tuition; student only allowed to visit family once a year.....etc. .....

This should get his attention and make him think about a few things.  He might even confront you about it.  When he does, this will be your opportunity to tell him (without emotion) everything that is bothering you about his actions or inactions.  

Answer 7

You ever ask him what he wants?

Maybe he doesn't feel like he is being challenged enough? Especially if he is as smart as you say he is, he might find school boring and tedious and overall a waste of time, if he feels he can easily accomplish things. See if he goes and wants to do challenging things, i.e. rock climbing or something like that.

Also, depending on your relationship as I stated try sitting him down, explaining things to him, and asking him truthfully what he wants..... He might actually talk back to you.

Answer 8

Sounds to me like a kid that needs a trip to boot camp. Phone up Maury or one of those TV guys to beat some sense into him or be prepared to visit him in jail.