What do I tell my children (3 yrs old) that their father is not in the picture and will never be?

Question

I am a single mother of twins since before their births. They are getting to the age where they are starting to question who daddy is and I am unsure of how to handle. If anyone has any advice for me, I would greatly appreciate it. (Any negative comments will not be tolerated!) Thank you!

Answer 1

I would try to be as honest as possible, but without putting their father down.  Try and remain neutral and just let thme know that there are many children out there who only have mommies or only have daddies.  That sometimes the other partner "isn't ready" "isn't capable" "isn't there",  just whaterver you think is appropriate.

Be sure and make them feel like it is not abnormal that they don't have a father around and remind them of the other family they have - each other, uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents.

Answer 2

They are way too young to be told anything other than "some kids don't have Daddies.  But that's ok, because there are some kids who don't have Mommies."

Answer 3

What the first answerer explained is just about right. What you need to explain is that it's YOU who made the mistake about choosing their dad, not them. That's really important that there is no hint to them that it's their fault - because children will so easily put parents' problems upon themselves.

Good luck to you!

Answer 4

My husband is in the picture in my house, but my sister in law had to deal with this. When they asked about their daddy, she said that Mommy and Daddy both really love them, but Daddy wasn't ready to take care of us yet. He really loves you and always know that. That was about 12 years ago. Her kids are 16 and 14 now. She has remarried and they have been adopted by her new husband. Good Luck with telling your kids about this. I hope I helped.  

Answer 5

My advice, since I am worried about having to deal with this situation very soon, is just to never talk negatively about their father to them, and make sure they know it wasn't their fault that he is not around, and that you love them very much.  

Answer 6

never talk negative about thier father. he might show up years from know. he will have toanswer to them. just tell them that thier father left but you are looking for a daddy to them and they will get him when you find him... remember that any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy

Answer 7

We need more details but I would suggest getting the father in the picture.  They need to have a relationship with their dad and they could use the child support for future education or just a savings.

Answer 8

I too, am a single mother, and my daughter is almost two.  Right now, she asks, "Where'd daddy go??"  and for now, I'm able to say "Daddy's at work" or "Daddy's away but he loves you" and that suffices.  I think in the future when she's really able to understand, I'm going to sit her down and explain that some people aren't ready to be parents, and some people are.  I will tell her that her Daddy loves her, but is missing the Daddy gene that makes him be able to be in her life on a regular basis.  I will emphasize emphatically that is is all about his own issues and has nothing to do with her, and that me and the rest of her family are so blessed she's in our lives.  

It's a really tough situation, but I believe as long as I don't bad mouth her father, gently explain things, and give her love, she'll be ok.

Good luck to you!

Answer 9

At this age, make it as simple as possible, and always sound like it's no big deal.  If they ask why they don't have a daddy, I'd just say "all families are different.  Some have two parents, some have just one.  Some have two daddies, two mommies - and it's all normal."  As they get older and their questions get more specific, I'd again give them bare minimum - obviously we don't know your history, but if it was a bad relationship, I wouldn't ever mention that.  And I wouldn't ever say that their daddy doesn't love them or anything along those lines - even if it's true, a child doesn't ever need to hear that.