What do adoptive parent think about?

Question

this doctors list done by an adoptive mom?

http://www.nancyverrier.com/misc.php

Answer 1

They think it's dumb that you block every person who has an opinion that you don't agree with.  Don't ask questions you might not want to hear the answer to.  People are entitled to their opinions, and don't need to be blocked from answering future questions simply because you don't agree with what they've said.  Like I said, don't ask questions if you don't want to hear a wide range of viewpoints.

Answer 2

lmao, it's based on facts but those facts are so skewed it's not even funny.-Okay it's funny b.c of how wrong it is!

Answer 3

It was an interesting read, I'm not an adoptive parent but an adopted person. My Mother said I was a happy baby. I've never had abandonment issues or felt rejected. I don't think those are true in all cases, maybe ones where the adoption took place a while after birth? Mine was immediate so maybe I just didn't miss what I didn't have.

My Mother as in adoptive mother.

Answer 4

Are you kidding me?  Of course babies will have separation anxiety...for a minute!  We are programed to survive to adapt and to survive.  

If there were any long term affect on an infant being separated from its birth mother, what affect do you think circumcision has on a male as an adult?

Ultimately, an infant/child needs to be loved, nourished and cared for, educated and socialized to become a productive and caring adult in society, not their birth mother.

Answer 5

I found it extremely informative.  I have bookmarked it.  It does describe many of my daughter's issues.  I would say its pretty accurate.  She has been a challenge at times to parent.  We are under the firm belief that there is never a bad child just bad parenting.  So I went into counseling to help me parent her better and it help so much.  It was the  best thing i ever could have done b/c her anger is directed at me, daddy is the light of her life.

i will use this info to help with our new daughter.  In my "free" time, i'll have to start reading her book. Thanks again.

Answer 6

Thanks for the link.  It validated a lot of behaviors i've been seeing.  Will be reading "Primal Wound", and "Coming Home to Self" (not sure if its a book or not but will be looking for it).

Answer 7

Its interesting reading.  My mum, when asked what I was like as a baby, always said that I seemed like I just wanted to fit in.  I was also plagued by respiratory illness, and still am.  I am a rather quiet introvert, I always have been and Ive never fitted in.  Until I read your link I had never really associated these things with being adopted.

Answer 8

I think it's a great article and I've printed it out to read it over.  thank you for posting it.  Kristy

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Related topic:

When I brought my son home from Guatemala- he starrted a bad/weird rash, and we found out that it was a rare form of excema that can be associated with stress.  My son was almost 8 months old at the time and always seemed happy...  but I had just taken him away from everything he ever knew and I just know my little baby-cakes was worried about what was going to happen next.

Answer 9

I actually agree with most of it.  Adoption is sure to cause loss, and all of the issues and feelings that come with it.  I have always said if a person feels they can parent their child they shoudl parent their child.  I am adopting three children whose parents could not parent their children.

Through all of our adoption classes, this is the stuff they teach us, the children will go through loss, they will have more problems with adoptive mother etc. etc. etc.  It is taught, because in my province adoption is not first choice, but they deal with adoptions on large scales from people who can not parent their children.  Those of us adoptinn in Ontario are most often not adopting babies and are stepping in where parens have failed.  They understand the need to keep family together and will put parents through programming, therapy, parenting classes etc. but sometimes the parents can't follow through with plan and parent's have rights terminated.

With new borns in the states it seems to be a different system.  So to answer, I do think that list is accurate but as adoptive parents, especially of the children we are adopting, we are filling a need.  Will we benefit from our new family?  Yep, but that does nto take away from the fact we did not in any way cause this loss of the children.

Answer 10

Skewed, not for me. I see many of these behaviors/issues with my 2 1/2 year old adoptive daughter. I think it pretty much pegs it.

Answer 11

Wow! That is a really great list, and I had not seen it before, so thanks.

It is wonderful that she is educating doctors about this. I hope it helps some. My sister is a new doctor and I know they are so completely overwhelmed with information that it is hard to know what sticks, but if it gets through to at least a few it will be great.

But really it seems as if the "for doctors" part deserves a much wider audience. Adoptive parents and Pre-adoptive parents for sure, but also school counselors, child therapists, etc. For instance the suggestion to "celebrate birthdays early" wouldn't be something a doctor could act on.

ETA: For passing around to doctors, it would be more effective if she added more references (and complete references). I know she has them, I'm not doubting them. It is just that doctors are super rigorous about wanting scientific proof. They probably mostly won't follow up on the references (though some might), but just having them there would lend a lot more credibility.

Answer 12

I found the article interesting. I am sure that most adoptive parents like me will identify with their "fears" from reading it.  With my daughter, emotionally happy the majority of the time...I often wonder if some of her expressive actions at times are due to her missing her birthmother. Although she was placed in foster care the day after she was born for 3 1/2 weeks as well.  She has a self soothing hum right before going to sleep, and at times, wakes up in the middle of naps and or sleep crying as if something scared her.  

It does worry me, however, it may just be normal, I am not an expert.  Just a mom, trying to do the best for my daughter.  I know I can't play in to all of the negative opinions in this forum, in the press, or by ignorant people. If I did so, that would put me in a very vunerable, negative state.............and, with that said, what kind of positive role model would I be for such a lovely little girl?

Answer 13

I see a lot of "all or nothing" statements in this list, which automatically raises red flags for me.  Not everyone has the same experiences, with adoption or anything else.  So when I read "All adopted children feel this.."  or "All adoptive children feel that."  it just doesn't ring true as a balanced and unbiassed article.  

Every human being is unique and experiences life in a way that is different than every other human being.  SOME adoptive children may experience what is listed in the article, but others may not.  So, "some" does not equal "all".