What do i do about my husband? ?

Question

my husband is so emotionally unavailable to me..whenever i try to work out our problems, (such as his infidelity a few years ago), he doesnt want to talk about it..he literally leaves the house, or locks himself in the room, or drives off in his car.. he says i need to drop it, and stop bringing it up..he even said i just want people to feel sorry for me and thats why i bring it up.. when i threaten divorce, he doesnt budge..he wont talk to me.. i even left the house for a few days to stay at my families house, and he didnt even call me or show any concern..should i just go ahead and get divorced? i have an appointment with an attorney already but im scared to be alone and am unsure what to do

Answer 1

you are already alone

the only difference is you have a negative person living in the house with you

what is worse, the pain of being ignored, belittled and disrespected or being on your own and trying to find your own happiness without co-dependency  

Answer 2

You should never say the D word unless you mean it.  If he is not what you want emotionally then leave, you cant make him fight with you.

Answer 3

You need time to clear your head and figure out what you want from life. Go talk to the attorney and maybe a counselor. Both may help you develop an even keel.

If your husband won't address the problems then it's very unlikely things will ever improve. He's acting immature and you don't deserve this.

Answer 4

It sounds like he terribly needs to grow up.  I would move on.  You've had enough of being treated like dirt and swept under the rug.   He is truly showing you his true colors.  Get out of that situation before you truly become a victim of infidelity again or something else that can hurt you just the same.You sincerely deserve better. Respect yourself, because he is not.  get out.  good luck!

Answer 5

u r doing allllllllllllllll this because u feel he doesnt care...

why dont u try to be nice to him and see if he changes...

Answer 6

move  on.

Answer 7

Look if you found out of his infidelity you had the option of leaving him them, you didn't. Now you must deal with the fact he was a cheater. Although painful, you must move forward and forget the situation ever occurred. Again you made the choice to stay, and if he wants to talk he will but till then you have to keep dealing with the fact. My opinion, you should've left the bum! You decided to stay and that speaks volumes to him or should. In a relationship, he must be willing to except the fact that it's a two-way street having said that, he must be willing to talk about what happened. He should be the one kissing your a$$! Don't go over-board, I have a buddy who did the very same thing your man did. He's been paying for his mistake for 10 years now, and that's just wrong. If she continues to throw up what may boil down to a huge mistake every time they have an argument, the relationship is doomed.  

Answer 8

Infidelity a few years ago and you till bring this up to him?  Are you trying to push him away?  Apparently you must have told him you forgave him and promised to work this out - yet you keep bringing this up.  Actually, if he ever had strong feelings for her, you keep stirring up these feelings for her (be careful).  Maybe seek counseling so you can get over the affair & end the pity party - he's over it.  Now after all this time you are considering divorce? Not sure what you really want from him, but it appears as if you are pushing him away.  Hopefully, it's not into the arms of another woman.  Please, try to find a way to let this go or let him go.  If you chose to let him go - learn to love yourself first, and you will not have any fears of being alone.  If you want your marriage to work (which I think you do) - address your insecurities and stop bringing up the past (affair).  Good luck!

Answer 9

I believe at this point in your relationship it is either time to let that infidelity go that happened a few years ago or divorce him.  The problem being is that you forgave him when it happened and now years later you are throwing it in his face.  You can't do that and expect answers now,  its been too long.  Being alone should not be the only reason to stay with your husband; if there are more reasons than that, then stay and try and move on,  if that is the only reason you are staying then it is time to pack it up and leave.

Answer 10

seriously, there is something about his ability to connect with you that needs to be addressed-if he won't go to counseling-please seek it for yourself-start preparing yourself by seeking counseling just for yourself if he won't go and even if he does go-couples counseling and individual counseling-for coping with this porblem and healing from it-

start making a plan and stick to it-get your friends to support you-not get into your business; but support you.  log onto newlife.com or listen on the web to their radion programs- they talk so much about these issues

God bless-

Answer 11

Better alone than in a marriage that makes you unhappy. I'm kinda in the same situation, only its my boyfriend. He's a nice guy and I love him, but we can't talk and share so I'm calling it off. There's no point, you're just wasting your time and ruining your chances of meeting other guys.

Im sure you'll find someone else, don't worry. You deserve better.

Answer 12

Divorce him and find a man who respects you.

One who treats every woman like he'd like his mother,sister,or daughter to be treated. Settle for no less.  

Answer 13

He probably doesn't see a reason to discuss.  For him, "to work out our problems," is probably going to mean compromise on his part.  You've mentioned divorce and you've left the house for a few days.  He needs a more drastic jolt.  I think you need to see that attorney and hand him some paperwork with a separation agreement or something like that in it.  He'll know you are serious.  If he wants you he'll realize that he needs to open up or it is over. He'll have to make a decision.

Don't be scared.  Tune up your connections with your girlfriends and family.  You'll make it!

Answer 14

First of all, infidelity is not the problem it is the symptom to the problem.

He obviously has issues and they probably are issues long before you ever came into his life.  Generally, it starts with his upbringing (parents).  Pay attention to how his parents fight/communicate.  He is after all a product of them.  They were his example in life.  He sounds confused and possibly frightened.  As far as divorcing, you do not say how long you are married, but you need to try for the sake the marriage vows you both took to get to the root of the problem before you give up.  You both need to enter counseling, find the best you can afford (some health insurances will cover the expense or some charitable organizations can assist you for a minimal fee).  You might have to drag him kicking and screaming, but be persistent.  He needs to grow up and get a grip on relationship building.  

Some books for you to read first before approaching him:

Men Are From Mars, Women  Are From Venus

by John Gray

or ANY book written by Dr. James C. Dobson

These will give you better insight and education on how to handle your marital problems.

Good luck, I can tell this is an emotional upheaval for you.

Answer 15

think and think it over the pros and cons of divorcing him before your final decision comes up as you might regret later. better to get a counselor first and tell your problem to your lawyer also, ask advice from your own parents before doing a divorce suit.

Answer 16

i think that the best decision u can do is ge a divorce see if that will get him to thikn a little more , since he doesnt show any concern for u  

Answer 17

A marriage will only work if both parties want it too. From the sound of it, he doesn't want to work on anything. Being alone might be the best thing for you. It is scary, but if you are not happy and he is not trying to make you happy, you need to get away from him. No one should go through life letting someone else make them miserable. You deserve better than that.

Answer 18

Yes because that's the only way for him to learn a lesson, that is if he even cares to learn.  He doesn't sound very sympathetic towards you, and he should be able to talk to you without putting you down.  File for a divorce, if he changes, consider it, but don't allow him to fall back into this old pattern.

Answer 19

Get rid of him..It sounds to me that he doesn't care about you or your concerns.  He is cruel enough to cheat on you then treat you this way.  Don't worry about be alone.  You have family and friends to talk to.  You will probably feel better with all that stress gone anyway!

Answer 20

If you decide to keep a mate that cheated on you, i think that you should be able to drop it and if not, you shouldn't keep them.  You can not have it both ways and the fact that your afraid to be alone means your an easy target to continue to be disrespected.  I would rather be alone than ignored and disrespected.  Get a grip!  The man is showing you that he doesn't want to hear it and he doesn't care how you deal with it...so DEAL with it and either smarten up and get the divorce or continue to be a victim of your own madness.  

Answer 21

Yes, you should divorce him.

Why are you afraid to be alone?  You already are alone!

Answer 22

As easy as it is for me to say "leave his ***",  I know that its not that easy.  

If you have done all you can to resolve the problems the two of you have had, are having and he is unwilling to help and contribute there is not much to be done.  

Did the two of you seek counseling after his infidelity?  If not I  recommend that you do so now.  

You should also seek a counselor so you can talk to them about the affair and your issues with it still.  After a year I don't think mentioning it to him or bringing it up in an argument is fair.   Its almost as if your using it as a weapon.  

This could be the main reason he shuts you out.  But he also needs to understand that evan if you forgive him...that doesn't mean you will forget.    

Hopefully you can work things out, but if he not willing to try; why bother anymore.  

Answer 23

hey how are ya.....if you chose to forgive his infidelity then you cannot keep bringing that up to him....you have opted to stay with him and make it work .....you may not be able to forget what he did but you have to move on if you want to stay with him.....no one wants to be reminded of mistakes that they make....thats what you are doing when you bring it up.....if you simply cannot get over it ...get divorced

Answer 24

This man is not worth it. How childish of him to run away from his problems... A real man wouldn't do that.

Divorce him.. and move on!

Answer 25

Not surprised he is pissed off if you are still going on about an affair from a few yrs ago. you took him back so you should stop going on and on.

Answer 26

arent you already alone?  dont you realize that?

better to be alone, than lonely and with someone.  thats my live and die motto.

Answer 27

divorce