What do i do about my mum?!?

Question

my mum is really annoying - she's very nosy and prying in every aspect of my life. she's not affectionate towards me at all in any way - she is towards my 3 brothers though. she's so horrible. she's always slagging me off to my face and to other people. she'll always big up other people's kids, but never acknowledges anything i do for her or around the house or anything ive achieved in my life. she treats me like a w***e too - because I'm big in the chest area..she's always like..why do u walk around with ur chest sticking out - like i'm doing it on purpose! she's so annoying.... and she says these kind of things in front of guests and stuff too...there's sooo many things that she says and does but i'll be here forever if i even attempt to tell u all about it...i don't know what to do...i want to move out or something but i can't afford it...please help...how do i tolerate this?

Answer 1

i dont know ur age but i went through the same thing when i was young now im 26 with my own family my mom use to do the same thing but i just let it go in one ear and out the other dont worry if ur 18 or older i would move out i was 17 when i got married and i had my first child but like i said dont worry about it time will fly by TRUST ME this is the only advice i can give u and ur not a w***e just bc ur big up top

Answer 2

there is a really destructive energy going on in the relationship right now and it is not good for you.   Sometimes there are issues of resentment and envy coming from mothers toward their daughters.  I don't think you can change her and I personally doubt that trying to talk it out with her will help.  She knows already she is being verbally and psychologically abusive to you.

Till you can get out and away,  don't take anything she says seriously. It means nothing.  Let it go in one ear and out the other.  Don't let it provoke or bother you.

Have healthy supportive friends.  Do your school work or tasks as best you can and work toward a more independent future.  Find an adult somewhere you can talk with in a reasonable way and let that be a model for your thinking and behavior.

Sorry things aren't better, but you know your situation is not so unusual-- it happens a lot.  good luck

Answer 3

I feel really sorry for you! It must be awful to have a mom like that. I can understand how she must make you feel. my parents are irritating as well and sometimes get so angry and frustrated in arguments that I have to go upstairs and lock my self in the bathroom and just cry to get over my rage. I don't know how you can cope, your mom sounds horrible.

I think the only way is to just stay out of her sight around the house and hardly ever speak to her. Or maybe you could talk to your Dad about her. You should also try and stand up to her whenever she criticizes you and tell her how she makes you feel and what you think of her.

Answer 4

not knowing your age I will restrict myself to telling you that you should stand strait and be proud of yourself.

Do your school work and the things around the house that she ask you to do as soon you will be able to go your own way.

BTW you can't be considered a w***e  because you are good looking only if you are selling s*x

Answer 5

It is your personal development that is at issue here -- not your mum's behaviour, although both are connected.  You sound like the oldest who mom expects to help with the household and show independence and maturity. Or work and bring in some money!  I know that that sucks but it's the price of growing up and you will really get to love it --- as I did.  Any kind of contribution you make  to ease her pressure would be good for you too,  and the family; and get her off your back.. If a job is not possible try spending time away, with a relative. Sort yourself out. Believe me, you both will start missing each other.

Answer 6

Well, the fact that you started this with "she's very nosy and prying" shows that she does at least care about you. If you think about it, if she didn't care about you, she would just ignore you completely. That's not saying that she is going about it the right way, but at least its a start. The way I see it you have two choices:

1) Continue this way, until you have enough money to move out, and live the rest of your life with a rocky relationship with your mother.

2) Try to create a stronger relationship with your mother.

If you choose #2 then I advise you talk to your mother. Find a time when it is just the two of you and ask to sit down and talk with her.

What is very important is that you don't start of with something like "You don't care about me as much as my brothers" or "You always nag me" If you start out talking negatively about her, it will put her on the defense and she will be less likely to openly talk to you.

Instead start with "I feel ____ (lonely, sad, frustrated, etc.) There is no way that anyone can fault you for the way that you feel. Explain that you feel your relationship with her isn't as close as you would like.

But remember not to lay all the blame on her. Take some responsibility and be willing to put extra energy into getting closer. For example, say "I would like to help you make dinner some nights, so we can talk and do things together" or go to the mall together or swimming or the spa.

If all else fails and you still feel like your mother does not care about you, talk to a guidance counselor or someone else close to you that you trust.

Answer 7

Well I'm not sure how old you are and honestly your age has a lot to do with the apropriate answer to this question.

If you are over eighteen, I'd say get a job and start saving, make a plan, research what it would take to get an apt of your own or a room with someone else, go out find a job and saveup for the mov-in cost and  three months rent, electric and assorted bills. More than that when you get the job deposit the money to a savings  account just like you're paying a bill if you can't pay all your monthly estimated costs out of one months salary that will let you know where you stand. If you've never lived away from home you'll quickly discover that it can be a big rush and a big drag all at the same time. Getting mail means getting bills, getting calls means getting calls to come to work on your day off and cover for some lazy slacker who called in. On the other hand, when you are paying your own bills the only one responsible for you is you and it can be a wonderful feeling. If home is truly an unpleasant place for you I'd really advise you to get out. You may find that not living with your mother allows you to have a better relationship with her. I know that was true for me and my dad. If you've got a plan and something to work toward you may find that your mother's issues bother you a lot less.

If you're under 18 though, I'd tell you a few things....

starting with the fact that it's never too early to get a part time job and start saving. When you get out into the world there are so many unexpected expenses and so many temptations to ruin your credit. Too many people have lost their job recently and they were only living paycheck to paycheck. At the end of ninety days when the landlord is done with the eviction process they will be homeless because they didn't have a four month emergency fund stored up.

Second it seems like you feel that talking to your mom is not going to help... I'll tell you it may not help but it probabbly won't hurt... find a time when you can be alone and try to express the way she makes you feel without being judgemental... if you don't think you can do it face to face you can always put it down in a letter.

I will also tell you that parents are annoying and that is pretty much their job. And her being annoying probably has a lot to do with her own hangups and  a little to do with the fact that dynamics of your relationship with her are changing. You are nearly an adult (you won't be an adult till you've saved that money up like a responsible person and gotten out of the house) and life is rough at this age but it is going to be harder before it get's any easier. It's cliche but there are so many things that your mother is doing now that annoy you because you don't fully understand them, but I promise some of those things you may begin to understand better as you get a bit older and have a chance to reflect on the fact that she is not just your mother she's a fallible human being who may not always deal with things the right way, but she does deal with things her way. You won't change her way, only she can do that. But if you have other things to focus on, other things that you're trying to do for yourself, her way will not matter as much.

Also, when it comes to parents, even if you don't get anything out of it per se it's never the worst thing in the world to take the small steps, if there's something small you can do like unload the dishwasher, do the grocery shopping, take out the trash, clear the table before dinner, something, if you see it take the time to do it, not because it helps her( so don't even look for a thank you) so much as making the time to do it will make you feel better about the fact that you know you're contributing... plus like I said you get out in the world you get that first apartment and you discover real quick there are no magical gnomes to clean up that glass you left in the sink last week, taking the time to do basic household stuff for her gets you used to realities of doing it for yourself later...