What do i do now? single perent after 8 years. and petrified!!?

Question

hi there, i would love some advice from anyone. ive not long told my boyfriend and the father of my 3 children i dont love him anymore. it sounds awful but believe me he was a out and out brute. and i use to think ho well he is only like that with me. at least the kids are happy and still have a dad, but i started to notice that when he came home from work thay would go up stairs to get away from him!! anyway he is gone,and im now on my own with no money and 3 kids and no confidence

Answer 1

turn to your family or friends for help

Answer 2

You will survive, You have too...

Congratulations on your 3 kids, after leaving my 7 year relationship around 7 months ago now things are looking better than ever.

I had been with him since I was 18 baby by 20 second bubs by 23..... oh where have the last 8 years gone???

Financially its hard at first but once maintenance kicks in you tend to get a foot hold on bills and then with independence confidence soon follows.

Its obvious your going to need a job? Are you qualified in anything? Check out your local forums for PWOP (parents without partners) Single dads and mums will be able to share personally experiences on how to get by.

Don't be Petrified, this is the beginning to Your NEW life. Your children should be inspiration that gives you the strength and courage to be who you need to be.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Perhaps you should've thought about the high probability of yourself being in this situation BEFORE you made 3 children with a live in boyfriend!  Surely you recognized his behavior patterns long ago.  

You put yourself in a position of total reliance on someone that deep down, you knew had some serious personality defects.  

Sad for the children who have such selfish, thoughtless parents.

The only course you can follow is one of complete and single minded dedication to those kids.  Figure out how you can have them looked after while you work toward building your confidence...study, and career.  It is now a long path on which you'll need lots of help.  Best place to start is your local church, or government agency to help you with expenses, food, etc.        

Answer 4

Assuming that you live in the UK, you may be entitled to benefits. These may include housing benefits, council tax benefits &/or working tax/family tax, job seekers or income support, disability allowance. Go on the internet & google all these & see how each one applies to your situation. Then take your self to your local council as regards to your housing payments & council tax. If you own your home, they will be able to inform you of how this will effect you financially. Don't panic. I am sure, if your ex was as bad as you say, that you have done the right thing & your kids will thank you for your bravery. It's amazing how adaptable to situations kids are & how utterly supportive they can be in bad situations. Also friends & family are always there in times of need, so you are not alone. If it was your ex that broke your arm, I would keep this in mind in times of weakness, when you think that you cant cope alone. Remember, you've made the first step in leaving him, the hardest step. Anything else that follows will be a piece of cake in comparison. Good luck.

Answer 5

first of all well done to get rid of him if he is a brute, that was your first noble step now just keep busy with your kids if they are school age then go to colledge or join a group and make new friends just give it time things will start to feel better and you will know you did the right things goodluck to your new future

Answer 6

There are agencies that can help you financially like food stamps, Medicaide card and other places. Don't let pride get in the way of taking care of your children. Even when a bad parent leaves the home, the children still miss them, so be there for them. You might have to put your life on hold for a time to give them time, but it will work out for the best. Good luck and you are smart to end things before the abuse passes on, and it would. I've been there from a child's view so give yourself a pat on the back.

Answer 7

get a job

Answer 8

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Answer 9

You have to ask yourself what is better for you and your kids. Not only were you unhappy with him-  but the kids were unhappy with him. Sounds like you did the right thing. It's courageous.. and you should be proud of yourself. It iwll be hard-- and take some getting used to.. but you will be fine. Nothing can be worse than what you were already dealing with. You have your self respect, and obviously a great self love.. and love for your kids. Pat yourself on the back. Lots of people couldn't do what YOU did. You're a great MOM!

Answer 10

public assistance along with child support, will be a source of income while you concentrate on your education so that you can become the main support factor in your household for the benefit of you and your children good luk

Answer 11

First of all i must congratulate you on having the courage to make that decision, you would not believe the amount of people who wouldn't do it cause for the fear of being on their own.

I've been there, left with the whole thing to sort out when all I really want to do was to panic and hide, It does get better and a lot easier, I can honestly say, it will take some time but you will get there and your confidence will grow as well.

Dont be afraid to say the word no to anyone and i found that a little time for yourself realy helps you to keep on top of things, the whole me time really works.

Answer 12

Dedicate your life to your kids, nothing else matters.

Answer 13

you've done the right thing, so keep telling yourself that if you ever feel doubtfull.

You are going to need a good support network around you, so talk to your parents and keep in contact with your friends.

Ring the citizens advice beurea to find out what you can claim for, maybe you could get a part time job while the kids are at school.

Good Luck,

Answer 14

You should try looking into getting governmental assistance then !!!... If you hve no other place & or to turn to to try & take atleast some of what will become a burden to you!! alittle easier!! atleast until you can find other,better & legal ways of having some stability in your daily life!?! G/L~!!!!.    r R r  

Answer 15

Been there, done that.  You'll get through it and be just fine.  If you have family to help with child care, etc, that's a bonus.  If not, you'll just have to work on your own support system of friends.

In a year's time, you'll wonder why you waited so long.

Good luck!

Answer 16

You will be OK, the best thing you have done is get rid of that abuser.  Now take a deep breath and do what you have to.  If you don't have a job yet, go down and get food stamps and whatever else you can.  Take another breath and talk to your friends, family etc... I know you feel alone but you are not.  If you feel overwhelmed, make a list for the day of things you need to do or places you need to go.  Remember you WILL be better off in the long run, and hey, less laundry.

I've been a single parent for 11 years now.  It was hard finanically, but everything else was easier as women do all the work anyway.  You will be alright.

Answer 17

I like strawberry milk! :) Weeeeeee

Answer 18

It doesn't make you sound awful you cant choose who you love.

your a single parent, so what there the best parents i think yeah you might struggle for money but you have each other that's all that counts I'm sure you will be a fab mum!

Good luck!  

Answer 19

don't knock yourself! you had enough balls to tell him to get out, then you can do this too. seems like you were taking care of the kids without him anyways. the only thing that might be hard is the financial aspect. but, being happy and having your kids happy is worth the money loss! you'll be fine, one day at a time!

Answer 20

right, first think call the local job centre, get inome support , loan parent and anything else your entitled to, it may be best to post up an ad on here asking what ppl think you qualify for as the js may not be so helpful, if your working and it isnt a high pay job id give it up bcoz now you will need child care and i can almost guarantee you will get a lot more money off the social for 3 kids and yourself than you woiuld working, unless you have a good job.

Then, if you can maybe go to night classes at your local college once a WEEK and get the father tp look after them you shall meet a whole new circle of friends and regain your confidence. ( maybe not tell social about this)

and after this if you are still stuck for money, advertise as a pet sitter, for ppl when they go on holiday, thats what i do as a business. There are always ppl needing there dogs looked after from a few hours up to an entire month. but dont expect huge amounts from that , i charge £12.50 per day for a dog, usually have 4 each daY so it adds up that way, if you have a garden just put them in there and im sure the children would love a dog ( i always did). hope i helped in some way, good luck, this time in a few months once everything has settled and you have a s**y man on your arm youl be laughing at yourself for worrying like this ;-) !!!

Answer 21

why do you need a man? especially if hes a brute and no one likes him? surely nothing is better than something negative, claim money off his *** for your kids.  

Answer 22

i know it may be hard but you can go get assistance from the goverment they offer food stamps and even help you pay bills if you are sure its over put him on child support if he cant pay then the gov. will give you money he will have to pay back they will also give you medicaid ( health insurance ) for you and your children ..  

Answer 23

What you have got is 3 kids who love you and who you love, and some piece of mind with regard to the "brute" being gone.

The money thing needs to be taken calmly by getting advice from someone independant like the Citizens Advice Bureau (thats in england so obviously if youre not english then your countries equivelant).

The confidence thing will come if you stay calm. you know you have done the right thing for you and your children. dont be afraid to talk to your family if you can. you havent failed in this relationship, you have succeeded in saving you and your kids' futures. good luck

Answer 24

Umm..let course take its nature

Answer 25

You are a good parent,

You can do this and god will help you...

Now,

Get a job,

for now go stay with a friend

or mother until you can raise enough money

to buy an apartment.. make sure your boyfriend

is paying for part of the kids. like their food clothes something...

and once your all in place with your job,kids,

and apartment begin your search for a nice man who loves

kids and is good to you!

and while your working on this dont let yourself go .

Because mostwomen dont have time to make themselves look good because

they're so busy trying to fix everything else.

and that my friend is how you lose your confidence :]]

you can do this.... i hope i helped!

may god bless you !

:D