What do i do with my 15 year old daughter who is going out of control?

Question

What do i do with my 15 year old daughter who is going out of control?

Answer 1

I have the same problem. It's real easy for other people to tell you what to do, but youre the one that has to deal with it. It depends on the kid. I have done everything from grounding and taking her things away to counseling and none of these have worked. I'm not discouraging counselling at all, just telling you my own experience.

While I dont have any suggestions, I do know that A. it dosent matter what you do, the girl will find a way to do it and B. all the things you did to try to raise her right have not backfired on you. Influences have been my daughters problem, its kinda hard to switch schools, isolate her, and take her friends away. It only fuels the fire.

I also know rehab doesnt work on a teenager unless they want help.

Neither does counseling, not in my daughters case anyway.

Hang in there, keep doing what YOU think is right, and HOPE that sooner or later she will come around.

I was a terrible teenager, too, and I know that my parents were helpless to get me to behave, I finally had to figure it out by myself. Once I took on adult responsibilities, I had adult problems and I wasnt too happy with that. By 17 I was much better. I cant say this will happen for my daughter, (or yours) but I try to set good examples and let her deal with her own consequences. No cell phone, no freedom, etc. Its about all you can do until she comes around.

You know, I really like the answer below mine....maybe I will try that, too. Thanks 'Sha'narr'

Answer 2

Well, you're allowing her to go apesh!t, so stop it.

Do whatever it takes. Ground her, take all her c**p away, march her to school while you hold her hand, whatever.

You allowed it to break, you must fix it. She is a little 15 yr old girl, you are a mom, I'm sure you can handle it. She does not rule the roost, you do. She comes and goes by your leave. You make the rules. Grow back those balls and start cracking!

Answer 3

boot camp! =p

Answer 4

get her intrested in somthing

Answer 5

It really depends what kind of out of control. I was once an out of control teen and it took some bad things to happen for me to snap out of it ( which of course you don't want to have to come to)

Is it :

Alcohol

Drugs

Lying/Back chat

Skipping School

Being Sneaky

All of the above?

You might want to see about family counselling. My folks made me see one on my own which just made me even more out of control. Being able to open up better with your daughter might be the key depending on what she's going through and what she's putting you through. Communicate! And not the kind of shouting communication either. Remember, it's a tough time being 15 so patience and perseverance can only get you through.  

Answer 6

Let her do what she wants!!

Answer 7

im 30 when i was 15 i was well off the rails taking drugs getting into trouble etc. it tends to be the crowd that she will be knocking around with. these days its a way of proving yourself but later she will look back and think what a joke she was. be supportive and listen and if she is on thje drug scene help her  but not  by giving her grief or she will rebel. dont keep teling her that shes a waste of space or she will sink. but basically it depends on the situation for me to be able to answer. I left home at 15 im now married and have 3 children and doing ok when i say i was off the rails i mean i was OFF THE RAILS

Answer 8

You have to realize that you are not in control of her, and will never be again.  (I have 3 kids, 22, 17 & 14).  The best you can and should be doing at this stage is to convince her that you want the same thing for her that she wants:  Control over her own life.

Once you get her attention with that, you sit down with her and map out how to gradually give her control over her own life, and the things that will be necessary for her to take control over things that you now control.  Example:  Keeping her grades up will mean that she can have more freedom in after school activities, but only with friends you approve of.  As she earns trust, you must grant more trust.  She will abuse that trust - count on it.  Let her know the consequences - in advance - of doing that.

Explain to her what's necessary to move from where she is to where she wants to be.  It may take a while, but if you continually talk about how you want to work with her on moving toward independence, and follow through with actions, she'll probably come around, and your relationship can be strengthened.

Or, you could just lock her in her room until she's 18.  Your call.

Answer 9

find out what her favourite thing is and take it away. it always worked with me. it depends how off the rails she is but unfortuantely theres not alot u can do. oit will be easier if u take a step back tho. let her make her own mistakes just promise to be there to pick up the pieces.

Answer 10

Mind ya biz

Answer 11

jerry springer!!

Answer 12

Therapist?

Answer 13

Allison, I'm not the parent of a kid out of control, but >I> was a  kid out of control at one point, and it took some serious love and courage of my dad to help me get back in control.  A few sad events happened to me all at once at age 14 (some of  which is in my profile), and I went into a deep depression.  My dad had to do one of te hardest things he has ever done.  Dad took me INside.  Among us who have been there at that particular hospital INside or IN for short meant being in the adolescent unit of a psych hospital.  Anger, extremely dangerous activity, ANYthing that is well over the safety margin of dangerous is a big sign of someone needing to be into the care system.  Don't think that "OMG, what have i done (or not done)?? this is  all my fault" yadda yadda yadda. It is NOT your fault.  Sometimes it's a simple chemical imbalance.  Sometime it's just needing to vent emotional steam before the boiler blows up.  Sometimes it's as simple as being angry over not being able to express what is being felt inside.  You need to do what dad did for me; he took me to an appointment he had set up with a therapist (TP) and a psychiatric doctor (p-doc) at a psych hospital for evaluation.  I was a little angry about it then, but once I was IN, I learned a lot about who and what i am, and why i behaved the way i did.  That was 10 years ago.  Today, I am preparing to go back to college and finish up my studies to get my license to work with 'damaged kids' like i was.  I had to take some time off from my studies, but I have been doing volunteer work in the pediatrics (peds) .  My time there has gained me some college credits, as wel as 'hands-on' training with the children.  It hasn't been a perfect life, but then again, no life is.  I have been privileged to be raised by my dad, who is still my best freind today.  Well, second best since my BF came into my life last January.  Dad raised me by himself, and  it hurt him at first to have to take me IN, but since then he and I have became even closer in heart.  It's goin to hurt, but it's time to take your daughter to an evaluation appointment with a psych team.  It isn't anything that you have done that is Right or Wrong, it simply is a matter of what IS.  And what it is right now it's the courage to help your daughter by having professionals work with her.  You have not failed her; you have done all that anyone can do for her right now.  You haven't had the specialized training in psych to be able to go further   It's time to do the hardest thing you hav ever done, and get her to safety and sanity, and take her IN for an eval, before this gets worse and you lose her forever, mentally, or physically.  I've seen the results of being too late.  I stll hear the screams and I am haunted by the memories of what it looks like for 'too late' ones.  One of them was my bff Mitsko (Mitsuko properly).  She ended her own life in a manner i will not discuss openly here.  Take her IN.  Be courageous like my dad, and do the hardest thing you have ever done.

If you need a little extra courage, feel free to contact me, and i will do what i can to help.

Answer 14

Anti-hormone drug.

Answer 15

Have her f***y sewn up so she dont get pregnant

Answer 16

sit dwn and ask her to talk to u and tell her shes not any trouble and u are here for here and that talking it through with yourself and that u will understand and that u love her no matter what is going on in her life and if u can arrange a day out just u 2!!! so that u can do some bonding time with each other

Answer 17

beat her with a lamp  and it she'll be under control but only once u don't want her scared to death  

Answer 18

Depends on how out of control she is.

If she's into drugs, and alcohol, send her to rehab, or a program that'll get her better.

If she's just rebellious, then start threatening to take things away, and actually do it.

A little more information would be helpful.

Answer 19

Kick her ****

Answer 20

military school

Answer 21

Put her on the Maury Show!!

Answer 22

whup some butt! trust me do it good and hard enough, and the child will turn around. i know trust, trust, trust, me. im 15 but i know about these things

Answer 23

im 14, i hate anyone tellin me what to do

it makes me want to do it more

Answer 24

When I was 15 I was out of control.

My mother tried everything but the more she tried to control me the more I rebelled. Just love her and talk to and treat her like an adult. Give her adult consequences. Grounding her might be ineffective so you may want to change the punishment you are giving her. As out of control as she seems it is most likely just a phase.

I got out of mine at 17 after a knock down drag out fight with my mom. We didn't throw punches but it was close. Ever since that day I have respected my mother beyond anyone else in my life. She is now my best friend.  

Answer 25

tell her how you feel when she does things that make you unhappy. if she is angry, wait for her to cool down before talking to her. dont scream at her because it will make her feel inferior to you and she will want to scream back. let her know who is boss. but dont make her feel like you are better than her because that will make her angry too. the important thing to do is wait for her to calm down, because that will also give you sometime to calm down too, then talk to her calmly explaining why what she did was not ok, ask her to give her thought on why she did what she did. figure out together what her punishment is or explain too her that she should not do it again or consequences will be assigned along with extra chores etc.. good luck =]

Answer 26

telling her what to do id gonna make it worse

treat her like shes an adult

Answer 27

spank her! corporal punishment!