What do i need ,how can i do it?

Question

i want to learn how to stand up for myself ,how can i learn that. I was insulted when i was young and my parents didn’t respect me at all

i feel its alright to be insulted or humiliated not that i enjoy it ,i just ask myself who am i to defend myself ,and it hurts me to the bone

Add to this i control my life through my food if i lose control over my food i feel out of control,

i have a good life and money and i don’t look ugly *i just care about my weight and its low *still feel fat but i would never forget how eyes started to respect me when i lost my flesh and i cant stand feeling low because i look like a pig or an animal*as my family used to say* i used to take this with laughter cause if i defended myself my mother would cry and say i dont love her and i don’t accept jokes *why would you be angry who are you ,you are not a princess your father was like that and like that ,your family was low class*

so i shut my mouth and i learned how to accept their anger and jokes and now i m underweight and they started to call me skeleton and you look like a boy and you arent a girl anymore but i dont give a ```` to what they say ,i started to be stronger and rude with them *cause i know deep that they never cared about me *i just want to know what to do with others when they anything about me that i dont like ,how can i be a human that earn respect

Answer 1

Well you are on the right track when you say that you dont care what your family has to say about you if that what makes you feel down, all you need to do is apply that to anyone and everyone you come across. You need to also remember that you need to have self respect before you can gain the respect of others, and what I get from what you wrote is that you have an eating disorder, so that says you dont have much self respect. Seems that the family situation is whats hurting you and could just be dragging you deeper, you need to try to talk to your family and let them know how their actions are taking a negative effect on your life, if they dont seem to care or dont want to listen to that then I myself would cut ties with them, because its the same as not listening to what they have to say if its only going to bring you down, so cutting your ties with them would be a good step if they dont want to help you through this and respect your feelings. You need to treat anyone else the same, if they dont have anything nice to say, you dont to have anything to do with them. Basically, you need to keep yourself seperated from the things that make you feel down and surround yourself with good positive people, that will definitely help you get your own self respect up. Just remember that only YOU can make you happy, and what anyone else thinks doesnt matter. So the next time someone has something bad to say, just ignore them and dont let it phase you or youre just giving in and bringing yourself down. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 2

You need to accept who you are as a person and not care what anyone thinks of you. You are awesome how you are and no body should ever tell you different. I think you need a confidence booster because your parents obviously didn't realize that there "jokes" really got to you and deep down hurt you. That's part of the problem if your always being brought down then how are you suppose to be happy with who you are. People only criticize because that's how they would do this or that's how they would be but DON'T LISTEN to them please you are perfect how you are. And you seem like a smart level headed person so if someone says something just say you value their opinion but your happy as you are and your not gonna change for anyone.

Answer 3

You have a good life and money and you don’t look ugly.  That's a start.  If anyone insults you, laugh and say "you're so funny" and pay no heed to them.  They aren't worth losing any sleep over.

Find something you can be good at and become even better.  Confidence in yourself leads to respect from others.  Be a friend, help out whenever you can, and learn to like yourself.  If you feel you are underweight now, eat healthily and get some exercise so you look your best.  Do it for you, not for anyone else.

Always remember that you are part of the jigsaw of life, and without you the picture is not complete.  You are perfect just as you are.  And if you are a teenager, this period will pass.  You'll come smiling through one day soon !!

p.s.  My understanding of dianetics and Scientology is that they feed on peoples' insecurities rather than help them.  Don't get sucked in.

Answer 4

There is a book called "Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health" that helps you truly know what the source of thoughts and actions that keep you "down" come from... and the solution.

I recently read it and it has given me a whole new understanding and interest in life and living.

If you are interested in realizing your real self and your potentials, have a look!

Cheers,

BB

Answer 5

No, it's not alright to be insulted or humiliated.  If you let people insult or humiliate you they will knock and lower your own self-esteem/self-worth. No-one has the right to treat you like this, and the thing is that people who usually behave in this way tend to have low self-esteem themselves.

I'm not sure I've correctly understood all that your question says, but I think I'm right in saying that your family and in particular your mother has for a long time being subjecting your to mental abuse.  I find it horrifying that your mother called you a pig or an animal, that is so damaging; it's no wonder that you are now underweight and control your life by your food intake.  Your mother may have said it was a joke but I don't for one minute think she was joking, if she was it is a sick joke.

The verbal insults you have endured have been verging on emotional cruely, but what is done is done.

The best way to learn to stand up for yourself is to learn to be Assertive.  MIND run a Confidence & Assertiveness course which is free (well it was when I did it).  I've done lots of courses but this has been the most beneficial and useful course I have ever done.  Local colleges generally run Assertiveness courses too.

A book I would also recommend is 'A Woman In Your Own Right (assertiveness and you) by Anne Dickson.  When I bought it four years ago it was £6.00.  You can probably get it on Ebay or Amazon for less than the RRP.  It's an excellent book which covers the following:-

When & Where to be Assertive

What Is An Assertive Woman

Techniques

Our Rights

Body Language

Saying 'No'

The Compassion Trap

Expressing Your Feelings

The Two Faces of Anger

How to Handle Criticism

Confrontation & Compliments

Your Body - Stranger or Friend

Sexuality & Assertiveness

Assertiveness as a way of life ........................... and more

It is written in an easy to understand and practical way.

When someone criticises you or says something negative about you, by standing up for yourself and responding in an assertive way you are valuing yourself and not letting them damage your self-esteem until you have really low self-esteem.  This in itself means they are much more likely to respect you.

It's great that your have recognised that you can do something to stop people behaving towards you in the way your family have.  People can only belittle, insult and humiliate us IF WE LET THEM.

Answer 6

wow thats some story