What do my fiance and I do when his mother and father aren't going to make it to our wedding in the Caribbean?

Question

My fiance's mother (hypochondriac) and has many diseases plus is an anorexic, has just informed us she is too ill to make it to our wedding in the Caribbean. (Anguilla). She has told us it could be fatal if she got Hep A,B. She has made a trip to the UK and eats out at restaurants all the time? Now his father has told us he would love to come, but that he just wouldn't feel right going without her. So now neither one of them is going to make it to their 'only son's' wedding day! My parents are going to be there. So he will have nobody there for him. Personally I could care less if they're there but it makes me sad for him and he is really upset about it all and their childish behavior. I have said I would comp. and have it in Mexico, but she won't go there either. Hawaii is not an option. I don't want to have it there. I also don't want to feel resentful for the rest of my life knowing that she will control where we say our vows! She is such a weak, pathetic woman. We are total opposites! Help!!! Any suggestions? My fiance will do it wherever, but he too would like to do it in Anguilla.

Answer 1

Maybe when you get back you could have a reception, and all the friends and family who weren't able to attend the actual wedding could come.  I know it's not the same as having the parents there (for your soon to be husband) but it will give his mom something to help plan(maybe) and look forward to.

Answer 2

Eh, I don't know that she's all that weak.  Pathetic, sure.  But weak?  She's got you twisted up in knots about where you're going to have the wedding (and never mind the details...she'll get to those later!)

She's trying to be manipulative.  Don't fall for it.  If you cave now, where is it going to lead?  

And if the idiot is that concerned about hep A & B, TELL HER TO GET VACCINATED!  There's a reason why they have vaccinations!  That's a c**p excuse.  

Just go.  Do your thing.  You want Anguilla.  Your fiance wants Anguilla.  Your parents will go to Anguilla.

Majority rules!  Leave the b! tch at home!  My bet is that she'll snap out of it at the last moment and come to Anguilla anyway.

That way, everybody wins (though I also bet she'll gripe the whole time.)

Answer 3

His mother suffers from a very serious disorder that is not easy to control - so try not to just dismiss her as a weak, pathetic woman.

You both knew that she was ill so this shouldn't really come as a surprise to either one of you.

Obviously having his parents there is important to him - why can't you just compromise? Why can't you have the wedding where you live and then go on your honeymoon in the Caribbean? I think that it is important to have both of your parents there and in the long run your fiance is going to have some resentment if they cannot go.

You can always say your own private vows while on your honeymoon - but for the sake of your fiance and his parents try to have the ceremony locally.

Answer 4

You can have the wedding wherever you and your fiance choose, but if they're really not going to come certain places, then you have to either decide that it's okay that they're not there, or that you want them there and you will move the location to accommodate them.

Answer 5

you'd be great for that show!!! erm what was it again ... jerry springer aah yeah that is it lol

Answer 6

Sorry, when you have a destination wedding you must accept the fact that there are people who will not go for various reasons....if having his parents there was so important to him he would have insisted on a wedding closer to home.....destination weddings for a first time marriage is selfish IMO........weddings are not only about the couple, they are also about family...and you make conpromises if family is that important, which it obviously isn't. And to all the thumbs downers...tough, the truth hurts.....good luck.

Answer 7

I'm not sure how she can be a hypochondriac and have several diseases. It's sad that they can't come to the Caribbean for your wedding. Are many of your other friends and family able to come there? I understand how you feel about wanting to have it there, but I think you need to compromise and have it somewhere closer to home. Can you have it somewhere state side that would be fun and pretty? I know you don't want to feel resentful but you don't want him to regret that his parents aren't there either? I think a compromise on another fun place that is closer to home might work better. Good luck.  

Answer 8

Heard the term, marry the man, marry the family..You will have a lifetime of grief.Enough said.

Answer 9

It is your day and she should walk across fire to go to her only sons wedding I know I would. Dont change things for her..Remember all you have is eachother so dont care what anyone else does. If she cares for her son she will be there,,If not tough **** for her. Have a wonderful wedding and a future together.

Answer 10

I know its YOUR day! I know it must be very frustrating but if the tables were turned, you would probably do anything to make sure your mum and dad don't miss the special event. Maybe they simply can't afford the trip. They might be using her illness as an excuse rather than say..."we don't have the money.''  If your heart is set on Anguilla, you may have to offer to pay for them...without embarrassing them. If it really is her illness that is stopping them from being there then maybe you will have to something else. Its an important day. What if you were able to marry at the registry office where ever his parents live and then have another big ceremony with everyone else there in Anguilla? There as to be a way around this but I know I wouldn't want to be the 'bad guy'  who wouldn't compromise. I've been a bridezilla lately too but you just have to take a deep breath and look at things from a different perspective.

Answer 11

Does your venue offer webcasting? Or could you find a way for it be broadcast over the web. A lot of destination wedding sites now offer webcasting for a fee and they can be seen at the same time you actually have your wedding or viewed for up to 30 days after the wedding. That way everyone, including his parents, that can't make it can still be involved.

Answer 12

this is one of the reasons why I'm not crazy about destination weddings.  You want family there, but then don't like it when they don't come for some reason (and it can be some dumb reasons).

Here are your options, as I see them:

~ get married by a JOP locally with his and your own parents then honeymoon in Anguilla and have a beautiful vow renewal.  If your parents are there also, thats great, but maybe it will be a relief for their wallet to get out of your dream-wedding trip.

~ get married in Anguilla, your husband will be bothered that his parents weren't there, and hopefully he will get over any hurt feelings.  And you'll give your nutty MIL plenty of ammo to bombard you with for all eternity.