What do other mums ( and dads) think about self soothing?

Question

hi, my 3 1/2 month old daughter has always played quite happily in her rocker, or on the floor on her play mat, i usually sing to her or talk to her as i do the dishes, etc. but in the last few weeks every time i put her down she screams, she has this new noise where she isn't crying she just lets out a high pitch screech. i was wondering what other parents thought about leaving her there for 3-5 Min's and let her settle herself? she looks at me with the saddest eyes, ( as they do). i know there's conflicting views about letting your baby know your there whenever they need you, but also that " spoiling" them isn't a good thing. what does everyone elsr think about this.

Answer 1

I don't think you can "spoil" a child of under a year because they are not "acting out"....they are trying to understand the world and gain comfort from that which brings them familiarity (you). But I don't see anything wrong with letting her settle herself, honestly. If she sees that you don't react to the high pitch screeching, she may stop using that methord to grab your attention.

Answer 2

It depends on the baby.

Some babies can settle themselves and some can't.

One of my twins could and the other couldn't.

I think if you have to get something done for 5 minutes then do it but if your baby cries on more or gets more upset then you should go to them.

3.5 months is still pretty young to self-soothe.

Answer 3

I think its ok during bed time as long as you know they are not hungry and they just want attention, so they can learn to be independent, and go to bed when its time. But as for how old she is, they really don't understand yet so i say h**l no, i would never let my daughter cry it out that's just to sad, if they want you then pick them up talk to them play with them. That's what being a parent is all about!!

Answer 4

You can't spoil an infant that young.  Spoiling is giving in to demands for things that are not in your child's best interest because you're tired, haranged, weak-willed, pressured by guilt or other stuff.  Holding a baby isn't spoiling. On the other hand, she's beginning to develop the concept of separation and is voicing her displeasure with it when you put her down.  This is normal and you can help her with this new cognitive leap by continuing to talk to her and check in on her even if you're not actually holding her.  I would put mine on the floor (before they learned to crawl) in the bathroom while I showered and listen to the same kind of protesting shrieks. So I'd peak out every couple of minutes and say hi, talk to them through the curtain, etc.  This is okay.  This helps them learn the reality that you are separate beings and they will have to learn to cope during times when you're not physically together, but that you will come back.  Be patient.  It will take a long time--months--for her to relax when you're apart and be able to take separation for longer periods of time.  And she may relapse, too, occasionally, during new periods of rapid cogitive growth or motor skill development.

Answer 5

I think at around that age my little girl found her hands. I would out her on a blanket on the floor and she would watch me and start to fuss a little and I would wait a few minutes because it's torture for both of you when your both right there, but after a few minutes she started using her hands. She never has quite gotten used to the binki, but has even recently started sucking on her thumb. Which right now I am not too worried about. She is only 4 and a half months. There is nothing wrong with her self soothing a bit. You are right there watching here and she's okay.  

Answer 6

"Attachment studies have spoiled the spoiling theory. Researchers Drs. Bell and Ainsworth at John Hopkins University studied two sets of parents and their children. Group A were attachment-parented babies. These babies were securely attached, the products of responsive parenting. Group B babies were parented n a more restrained way, with a set schedule and given a less intuitive and nurturing response to their cues. All these babies were tracked for at least a year. Which group do you think eventually turned out to be the most independent? Group A, the securely attached babies. Researchers who have studied the affects of parenting styles on children's later outcome have concluded, to put it simply, that the spoiling theory is utter nonsense."

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t10020...

Answer 7

I do not think there is anything wrong with that. I did that with my first daughter, well tried to anyways but I was too weak for her to see or hear her cry! I did try to let her cry it out for bedtime but it didnt allow me to sleep lol.

My girlfriend let her baby cry it out and he is good about it now. He knows how to settle himself before bed. i dont know about letting your child cry it out other than before bedtime. I mean you are awake and she is awake she just wants her mommy.

Like I said the whole cry it out thing didnt work for me so I bought a carrier and had her in there at 3ish month. That way she was happy and I was happy adn had my hands free!

Good luck mommy!

Answer 8

personally i dont believe in the self soothing method. crying usually signifies there is something wrong. check to see she isnt wet, hungry, tired, over stimulated, etc. help to settle her, then try again. if the crying continues, pick her up. she may need a change of scenery.