What do parents of 20-somethings do when their child can't afford to live on her own?

Question

My daughter is about to turn 24 and she lives with me. Her dad and I are divorced. She had a job which was very low paying but in her field of graphic design which she has a BA for. It was a 1099 job which had 0 benefits and lo pay.

She got fired for looking for a job while at work.

She has bills to pay. I can't afford to pay them. Her dad won't help out even tho he can afford it. She can't get unemployment because she was a 1099 employee. Soon her COBRA health ins. will run out. I feel the need for some tough love. Shouldn't she take any job, even sweeping the floors at a fast food restaurant?

Answer 1

Wow, this sounds familiar. My son is 24 just got a BFA and is looking for a job. It is so tough for these kids, the economy is so bad, no one is hiring. These kids worked hard to get their degree, so we know they aren't lazy. Just let her live at home until she gets another job. I would try to help her pay for the bills (if at all possible) until she gets another job. I would!

Answer 2

Tell her she needs to find whatever job she can take for now. She needs to pay her own bills, she's a grown woman! If she has to work at McDonalds for the time being so be it. She can, from there, search for a better job while she's working the part-time one or whatever.

Answer 3

I moved home a few times during my 20's, and my Mom had one standing rule.  I had three months to get my act together, then it was time for me to go.  

I'm not sure where you live, but graphic design generally pays well (as opposed to retail).  She should "pound pavement" to find a job.  In the event she can't find one in her field, then she should do what needs to be done, even if it includes working two jobs to get caught up.

With three months to not worry about rent or utilities, she should have enough time to find a job, get caught up and look for a cheap place to live.  But as my Mom always told me, more than 3 months is "just enabling you to be a lazy bum."

Answer 4

Why isn't she at a temp agency getting placed in a job of ANY kind and supporting herself! Give me a darn break! I really don't see how allowing a free ride will help her grow or learn anything at all. Time to grow up and take care of herself as far as I'm concerned. Sorry for her, and for you...but she needs to get a job, any job, even 2 jobs...start making a life for herself! If she lives to 100 she is 1/4th through with her life. Time is working against everyone. If I had bills to pay, and couldn't I'd gladly take any job...even if it was one scrubbing toilets at a truck stop! Income is income...better than being broke with nothing!

Answer 5

I think you should allow her to live with you however I really don't think you should be paying her bills. You are really helping her enough by letting her live with you rent free. She should figure out really quick that she needs to pay her bills anyway she can that means getting any job she can. As long as she has a roof over her head and food in her tummy she should be grateful that you are helping her. If she expects you to pay her bills then she needs to go. A parent of any age child should never pay the bills that the child creates.

Answer 6

tough love. it's the best thing for her - even though it seems hard for both u and your daughter.

don't make it your burden to pay her bills. She's a big girl and needs to find out the hard way that life isnt always handed to you on a platter.

i've made it on my own without my parents since i was 18.

your daughter needs to take any job she can.

Answer 7

She needs to take any job at this point that will pay her bills, even if that means Burger King. She can't rely on you to get her out of the mess she got herself into.

Answer 8

I dont even have a college degree and i was able to land a good job in less than a week! I got my butt up and OUT of the house, passed out resumes, handshakes and smiles and guess what....IT WORKED! I had a job interview the 2nd day and an offer on the third. I was 25 at the time and going back to work after staying home with my daughter for 3 years. She needs a job and you need to put your foot down. By this time in her life she should be helping YOU out, not the other way around.

Answer 9

I wouldn't kick her out or anything but I would tell her she needs to work. Even if she's making minimum wage- it's a paycheck! I wouldn't pay her bills for her and I would make sure she knew that I had no intentions of paying them.

Answer 10

Yes, you should give her tough love and help her grow up.

Depending on where you live, getting a job (related or unrelated to her degree) with any BA should not be too difficult. At 24 your daughter should apply for government assistance and find housing on her own. As a parent you should definately help her with these applications.

I do not know the specifics, but if she lives at home... what are her bills? Turn off her cell phone and tell her to use your LAN line. Don't give her money to go out and eat or to hang with friends. Health insurance is a big deal, but she can get that through the government.

Answer 11

She should take any job and then look for one in her field.

The trouble is the economy is bad and nearly no one is hiring.

Answer 12

totally not your responsibility. i have lived on my own for 2 years now, sine i was 20. never once have asked my parents for money. she needs to get a loan.. get her **** straightened out and find a job. any job. tell her to be a waitress, they make decent money.

and I'm sorry but that's really stupid of her looking for another job while at work... you don't need to suffer because of her stupidity.

Answer 13

I agree with you.  When you are an adult and you have bills to pay...   any honest job will sufice until you can find a better one.  That sucks what happened to her, but its not an excuse to drop the ball on the rest of her responsibilities.  She has to get back out there and find something.  And with the economy right now, jobs are hard to find.  It is not likely she will be able to walk into a job right now doing exactly what she wants.  She needs to take the first job she can get while continueing to look for a job she wants.

Answer 14

I don't see an issue with her living at home, BUT she should be working to help you with bills/food and all that.

Answer 15

It's NEVER too late for "tough love". She will never grow from a child into an adult unless she is allowed (and sometimes forced) to become one.

If she has bills to pay, she should do anything she can get like everybody else. She brought the bills upon herself, she can pay them herself.

Kudos to her dad for being a responsible parent and encouraging her to stand on her own two feet.

Tell her to get some roommates and cut out all other expenses. Offer financial counseling and solutions, offer to store some of her possessions at your place. But do not allow her to continue to live at home, that will only further r****d her development in the adult world.

Answer 16

umm yeah? isnt having a S****y job better than being a mooch

Answer 17

she should.  Work is work.  If she turns up her nose at making a living.. then toss her *** out.  I worked as a mall janitor until I got a job in my field.  Work is work and should never be taken for granted or turned down.

Answer 18

Yes, she should.  However, she might want to try signing with a temp agency.   She might get some jobs beneath her dignity, but they will be of short duration, and leave her some time to job hunt.   That's what I did when I was first starting out.  She should also see if there are any consulting jobs available.

If nothing else, maybe she needs to advertise herself as available for nighttime babysitting gigs.  That way, she'll make some money in the evenings and be free during the day for interviews and job hunting.  She can also tutor at the local school.  There are lots of ways she can bring in a little cash.

Answer 19

Its unfortunate that she is unable to find work in her profession of choice.  But yes she sure should find something until the right position becomes available.  Degree or not, the time between jobs does not look good to any employer.   Also, she may want to leave the degree off her resume for positions where it may not be necessary.  She will look overqualified.  No tough love, yet.

Answer 20

It's WAAAY past the time for tough love so I think it's definitely due.  She needs to realize what the real world is like.  If you look at her behavior up til now it should be obvious to you that she should have had tough love long ago so that it would have never gotten to this point.  But that's the past and you can't change it and there no sense in putting blame on you, but the BEST thing you can do for her is to explain to her that you can't do it and she needs to go out on her own.  She will never truly be happy if she continues this way, there really is no better feeling than being independent, even if you fail once in a while.

btw, places like Sears or babies r' us or grocery stores give employees health insurance, so she better just go find something, anything so that insurance can kick in so she doesn't have a long lapse of coverage.

Answer 21

Yep, she should take any job.

I couldn't get a job in my field either and had to do secretarial work.  It paid the bills.