What do people have against adoption?

Question

Forget the adoption of women who don't want the baby, how about through the state--the children who are living in homes without floors, dad is abusing them (in both ways), mom is turning her head at it, they won't get a job, they won't take the parenting classes Child Protective Services is offering them so they won't have to take the child--and the classes have been offered for 5 years. Is it so horrible to adopt those children? Is it selfish? The easy way out? Only to keep our marriage together? Or because "Today it is because too many people can't have children of their own and they only care about themselves and their situations"? Some people get pregnant and are concerned about supporting their child--yeah, we're not in a third world country, but there are people out there who can take care of children, so that CPS won't have to take them.....they're overworked, understaffed, maybe some of us should look into doing the right thing, not the selfish thing. What do you think?

Answer 1

Some people think that adoption is mentally harmful for the adopted child.  I believe that as long as you explain the situation to the child, then adoption is a great thing.  Without adoption over 200,000 children would be in foster care or in poor living conditions every year.  That is a phenomenal number of children, and that is just in the US.  I have friends who have been adopted and the most difficult thing for them is understanding why their parents didn't want them.  The truth is, and I tell my friends this, your adopted parents love you as much as your real parents.  The only difference is that their real parents may not have been able to give them the life they knew their child deserved.  It is a very sensitive subject, and just like anything else, there are going to be people for and against it.  Adoption is a good thing though for the most part.

Answer 2

Homes without floors isn't abuse. Its common it 3rd world countries and isn't a justification to remove a child from it. This is why you see children/adults with bug bites and many people that lack knowledge use it to justify taking kids from their families. I got massive bites in Guate and I didn't stay somewhere with dirt floors.

The daddy abusing and mommy turning her head is a problem even here in the states. The gov't should intervene and get the daddy out of the equation not the child. Its beginning to happen in 3rd world countries where "machismo" is the law of the land. Instead of taking and depriving kids of their heritage and family, people looking to help a child should help fund/support women to stand up against it by giving them options. Taking their babies isn't going to change anything. Their gov't doesn't care because women and certain ethnic groups don't have many rights, as ours didn't until the 70's and 80's.

More support should be given to help educate and support families instead of giving tax breaks to anyone wanting to put a band aid on it.   I can only see the problem getting worse if those organizations and people continue to support practices and laws that are in their "own" best interests instead of whats best for the society and children as a whole. Looking at the situations and big picture will help stop the unethical practices going on and will help bio-parents raise their children in a wholesome home. Until we start caring about the needs of others, children will continue to be treated as a commodity and/or suffer, young girls will continue to get raped, and children will continue to be kidnapped just to fill the supply.

Answer 3

i was adopted from foster care, i feel deeply that they deserve a chance. unfortunately most couples want infants, because of foster care being harder to deal with.

Answer 4

that's a really brave and hard thing for you to do as a parent. your adoptive kids may not appreciate it for years to come...

way to go!

Answer 5

nothing is wrong you jus need to be strong accept them as your own most people fear adopting because they fear when that child gets older he\she will turn against them

Answer 6

There are different types of adoption...some more necessary than others.  Cases of true orphans or abuse are clearly necessary.  But the fact is that no matter what the reason for adoption, the ADOPTEE can, and often does, suffer emotional trauma, even if they're being given "a better life".  Even if their parents were abusive, there is still the loss of the original family for those children and that must always be acknowledged.

As an adoptee, I have a problem with adoption because it has damaged me irreparably.  I'm estranged from my adoptive family, I have no friends, I have low self-esteem, and I constantly suffer depression and suicidal thoughts.  

The adoptee has to always be the primary focus of the adoption.  If they have problems because of being adopted, than that's the only thing that matters.  It doesn't matter if the parents or any adults think that adoption is wonderful...if it's not wonderful for that child, then it's not wonderful, period.

Answer 7

Adoption includes such a HUGE range of situations. There is plenty I have against adoption. Too many to list!!!

What it comes down to is, you have a home and are open to adopt. There are children who NEED a home.

Adopting isn't easy, but compared to pregnancy and child birth, it's simply paper work. of course it's emotional, but not life threatening. Mother risk their lives to carry children who they know they won't parent. I can't even bring myself to get pregnant again FOR MYSELF let alone anyone else.

In your case, the boys moms pregnancy and your adopting them need not be compared. Whats the point?

Just enjoy being a mom, be sensitive to you boys needs. Hang around here and learn a ton, at the risk of looking dumb (been there).

good luck

Answer 8

I have no problem with adopting from foster care. It's the infant and international adoptions that are the problem

Answer 9

Not horrible at all.  I thought about years ago at least becoming a foster parent, for the same reason.  Nothing against adoption to give a child a better life...they didn't ask to be born and just want to be happy.

Answer 10

All the things you pointed out are from the adults - and the adoptive parents' - point of view.  Adoptive parents gain A LOT from adoption, especially adopting through foster care.  Knowing you're giving a home to a child who needs one is awesome and humbling, isn't it?

But the child STILL loses his/her parents.  No matter how "dead beat" their parents might be, they are still a part of their parents, it still hurts to be separated, and they will still wonder about them all their lives.  In a perfect world, parents would become what their kids need - they would STOP using drugs, get a job, be able to pay their bills, feed their kids, and be emotionally stable and supportive.  It's only when someone has failed to do those things that a child is placed in foster care.  By that point, the child has already been hurt.  Then, when the child is adopted, that signals the end...their parents failed, will never get them back, it's final.  They have to say goodbye to all that they hoped for, because NO kid wants to be separated from their parents.

I do think that adoption is "easier" in some ways.  Yes, it is emotionally draining, and it is an entirely different process from pregnancy - and it is true that folks don't have to go through any kind of process to become approved to get pregnant.  BUT, by adopting, we won't be experiencing the pain (physical and emotional) that comes along with pregnancy.  Paperwork, no matter how emotional it is, is still easier than hemmoroids, swelling, back pain, peeing your pants when you cough...shall I go on?  LOL  Two totally different processes, and really, they can't, and shouldn't, even be compared.  The only similarity there is that both pregnancy and adoption result in a person being added to a family.

I hope all this makes sense.  I am a PAP myself, so obviously I'm not totally against adoption.  But I think it should only be a last resort, after all other options have been exhausted, because the pain and anguish that the child could go through just isn't worth it otherwise.  And we do a huge disservice to adoptees when we ignore or minimize their pain, and act as though adoption is good.  It's not - it's painful.  Sometimes necessary, but always painful.

Answer 11

In some cases (such as the ones you are describing) adoption is truly a better scenario for the child.  However, there have been cases of coercion in adoption that have tainted it.  As with all things in life, there will be reasons that adoption is good and reasons for why adoption is bad.  As long as we can recognize that adoption should always be about what is best for the child/children, then we can insure that adoption stays in a positive light.

Answer 12

Far as like with DFACS I dont like they just have special needs kids. And for adoption with an agency the COST!!!!!!!

Answer 13

Dear Proudmama,

I don't think anyone is against adoption of children who NEED homes! Most of us commend those who adopt TRUE orphans and/or abused and neglected children from foster care who are free for adoption! We support ethical, HONEST adoption. Some of us even support open in the real sense of the word OPEN adoptions!

It's all the other stuff (coersion, lies, kidnapping, secrecy, baby-selling, adopting for the wrong reasons, treating women like incubators, treating children as product, treating people like THINGS, falsified records, closed records, inhumane practices in unwed mother's homes, insensitive hospital and social services workers, adoption as a profitable business, skirting of laws ans policies, ignoring the rights of fathers, children and families, myths, stereotyps, the glorification of adoption, the loss of heritage, RAD, dissoluted adoptions, lack of FULL education to expectant mothers, lack of FULL education to PAPs, unconstitutional laws that violate adoptee rights, adoption scams to PAPs, problems with CPS handling of CERTIAN cases, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum...) we have a problem with.