What do people *really* think about Americans who adopt from overseas?

Question

I've heard rumors of some negative sentiment and I am curious as to whether it is true and what it might be.

BTW: I've adopted from China. But I'm tough. I can take anything you want to say. And I promise *I* won't report your answer.

Answer 1

Just a correction to Braxowl's statement about the availability of foster children.

There are over 100,000 children available for adoption in the US.  That means parental rights have already been terminated.

http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/fos...

I agree that EVERY child deserves a loving family & a stable home.

"Charity begins at home."

ETA: Wow. 5 thumbs down just for providing information. Well, I guess I DID say that every child deserves a loving family. Oops***.  Guess that is an opinion. Oh well...how sad that anyone disagrees with that sentiment.  : (

Answer 2

well if you can take it then... I think people adopt from overseas because they want an infant. I think people should adopt the children here in the USA of all ages. the kids all need homes. I think people adopt infants from overseas because of their own feelings,it has nothing to do with wanting to "help" a child or whatever. No offense.

Answer 3

That's a loaded question *s*. I think that an adult should be able to adopt from whatever country they want to (as long as they fulfill the countries requirements as well as stateside requirements). I understand how some feel that we should all adopt from this country because there are many children that need help here. But, I also know that I don't know you, or how you feel about things, and I know that if I'm going to say "you should adopt from America instead" I better be able to back it up with a couple of kids that I adopted from this country. Because, until I go through the process it's only my opinion, and it doesn't govern what you do. I have no right to tell you what to do because it isn't my life. Plus, every child needs a family, and it doesn't matter where you get them from (make it legal though! lol *s*) as long as they are loved.

I think that any person, American or not that has it in their hearts to adopt are brave people. It's not easy raising kids, and it can't be easy to raise a child that people (in most cases of overseas adoption) know isn't your child just by looking at him/her.

So, you won't find a negative opinion from me.

I hope this helps,

Skatergurljubulee

Answer 4

I don't think it matters where you adopt from. every child deserves a family no matter what country they were born in.

Answer 5

Are you asking what people from other countries think of it?  Because there is an entirely different perspective inside the US than outside it.  Outside the US, I can pretty much guarantee you people think we're all greedy @$$holes who feel that we are entitled to other people's children, and that the fact that we think we're "saving" the "less fortunate" people from their horrible country of origin really makes us look like we think we're better (wait, what am I saying, for the most part, Americans DO think they're better...hence this opinion others have of us).

Inside the US, however, most folks think that adopters are absolutely wonderful, caring, warm, generous, loving people to be "taking in" these less fortunate (read: throw-away) children that no one else really wants.  We're saviors!  Not to mention that since adopters pay quite a bit of money for their children, they MUST have really helped that poor, unfortunate country where these children come from...right?

ETA:  Jennifer, don't put words in my mouth.  That's not what I said, and it's not what I meant.  The fact that there are foreign-born adoptees in this country has nothing to do with how many foster children end up finding homes; consequently, a foreign-born adoptee DID NOT take a home that would have been given to a foster child.  A family who has decided that foster care adoption isn't right for their family wouldn't adopt from foster care anyway.  The people who purposely adopt from overseas because they feel it's right for their family are a different subset of people than those who adopt from foster care, and they don't depend on each other.  I would think that if you've decided that foster adoption isn't right for your family, then you simply wouldn't adopt from foster care, whether you are able to adopt from overseas or not.  So no, I am NOT saying that foreign-born adoptees don't have the right to be here, or that they are taking a home from a foster child.  

Besides which, it's not the CHILD's decision who adopts him/her, so why would I, or anyone else, blame the child for being adopted by a family in the US?  This could get really long, but it's off topic, so if you'd like to hear more of my opinions on this (and BTW, I have quite a bit of experience in the mental health feild, too, AND I've worked with quite a few foreign-born adoptees, so I'm not uninformed about this), feel free to email me.

Answer 6

I don't think about the adoptive parents as much as I think about the ADOPTEES themselves.

I feel so bad for them.

Growing up white, I have NO CLUE about what racism feels like. I can say I understand it, but I don't.

With all of my adoption issues, at least I didn't have to deal with being a different race than my adoptive family.

My worst complaint appearance-wise was that I was the only one who had curly hair - and that alone made me feel weird and different. When I would say I wished I had straight hair like the rest of my family, everyone would try to make me feel better by saying how pretty it was and everything, but it never mattered. I thought it was ugly. I wanted to look like my adoptive family.

I would hate to be an adoptee from another country living in white America. What I think about Americans who adopt from overseas is that the majority of them don't have a clue about what it feels like, and don't take the time to educate themselves.

I am hopeful that when the move 'Adopted' is released, that this will be a turning point in the education of American adopters.

http://www.adoptedthemovie.com/category/...

Answer 7

i've heard that too. they say that people shouldn't go overseas to adopt, but i bet orphaned children in other countries have a much worse time there than orphans do here. i'm not saying that being an orphan anywhere is good, i just think that every child should have a home where they are loved and it shouldn't matter what country that they are from.

Answer 8

Yes, there is a lot of negativity towards international adoption.  Most of it is out of pure ignorance.

Most of the negative comments I hear are from people who think that when you choose international adoption, you are doing so because it is cheaper/faster/easier (of course, since you adopted from China as I intend to, you know that NONE of those things are true).

I have had so many people ask me, when they find out we intend to adopt from China, why we would do that when there are children "here at home" that need to be adopted.  I am happy that they care about the children "here at home", so I usually ask them how many they have adopted (read the sarcasm here).  What they do not know is that there are a lot of risks associated with adopted both privately and through the foster care system.  Adopting internationally is a pretty safe measure that once the adoption is complete, there will be no further interruptions.

Anyway, I really feel positive towards ANY adoption-domestic, international.  The end result is a family for a child, and a child for a family and that is what is most important.  All children are deserving of that, whether they are American, Chinese or Martian.

EDITED TO ADD: There ARE a lot of children in the foster care system in the United States, but most of them are not available for adoption because parental rights have not yet been terminated.  The amount of children in the foster care system is not equal to the amount of "orphans available for adoption".  You can take a foster child into your home, and love and care for him or her...and then that child may get sent back to the crack addict mother with the abusive boyfriend and there is nothing you can do about it.  I was in the foster care system as a child and returned to my mother-I was NOT elibible for adoption.

Answer 9

After looking at all the different choices, foster , international and domestic adoption and talking with many couples in our area that have both adopted over seas and domestic I feel that different options are better for different people. Some I spoke with chose over seas because at the time it was easier than domestic. Also because in the headlines you only hear about the crazy cases for domestic adoption it scares people away. I know it almost did us. We had this picture and many peoplen still do that the natural family is going to come and try to take the baby away. I know now that it is rare but media has scared many folks away. If taht is the only thing you hear it is hard to warm up to it. Everyone here wants adoptive parents to be honest with the commitment to the natural mother with visits and all and not everyone can do that. I respect anyone who can see faults in themselves and choose the route that best fits their needs and family. If you know that open adoption is something you are not comfotable with and having a natural family in your life is not somethign you are good with then domestic adoption is not for you and international is the way to go. I would love it for everyone to be comfortable to choose open adoption but this is the real world and not everyone is and at least they are opening their home to a child that needs a home.

Answer 10

I adopted from overseas and I see nothing wrong with that.

I AGREE WITH JENNIFER L & BRAX OWL.

I want to puke after reading Gaias comments: "...and that the fact that we think we're "saving" the "less fortunate" people from their horrible country of origin really makes us look like we think we're better".  THAT'S NOT A FACT.  THANK YOU.  I LOVE MY SON'S COUNTRY OF ORIGIN.  I DID NOT SAVE HIM...  IF I DIDN'T ADOPT HIM SOMEONE ELSE WOULD HAVE BECAUSE HIS NATURAL MOTHER PLACED HIM WITH A FOSTER FAMILY IN GUATEMALA.

Answer 11

I think it's great that they are choosing to make a child a part of their family.

How ever they see fit.

Answer 12

In real life, I've never had anyone say anything bad to my face.  Then again, when people see my kids.... we adopted older kids with medical issues.  My daughter has a problem that's  disfiguring, she's undergoing a course of surgery to correct it (fingers crossed).  Our older son is often toting an iv or hooked up to a machine.  So from appearances, I assume people understand that even children from outside the US might need a home.  If they don't, that's all right. Everyone has a right to their opinion and equally intelligent people can feel different ways about things. I can take it too.

As far as people outside the US: People I've met in my children's country of origin, and from there but living here are all very, very supportive.  They've gone out of their way to include us in their community. We share in all the celebrations, go for language classes in their homes. They've helped us to find contacts with email to pass letters, pictures, & arrange financial help, for our kids' families.  They've comforted me when I tried & failed to keep our son's family together. They think we're a little crazy for adopting at all, because they tell me that blood is everything in their culture, and adoption outside the family is almost unheard of. But they think it's a good kind of crazy.

Answer 13

When I was backpacking in South America for a few months more than a few locals asked me if I was adopting down there, and after they found out we "weren't" they let us know how unfavorable they thought it was. They weren't supporting it at ALL and actually looked DOWN on americans for going down there in the hundreds and adopting their children. I tend to agree with them.

Answer 14

I like any one who adopts No matter where the babys come from

I just dont understand why so many here in the usa needs to be helped but they go else where My be they think the ones here are better off then the ones over seas

either way it a blessing your here and I Hope  your Loved

But I am happy your here with us

You are truly a special person

Answer 15

I support it and thinks its great but in a sense it makes me kind of upset because there are tons of orphans in the states that need families also. I understand that a lot overseas countries deserve to have their children adopted and that is why I think it is so great that people do this and give these children they lives they deserve but also I do think it is unfair to the children back in the states because when they hear about these things you can't help but wonder if they are sitting there thinking " They could have went a couple blocks down the street and adopted me,why did they go overseas.Am I not good enough for anyone?"   I guess I am kinda both ways on this because I fully support it because I feel sorry for the children overseas who don't have the same as the orphanges in the states do now a days but I also feel bad for the children here because they are just as good as anyone else...

I didn't meanto sound rude to anyone so sorry if it sounded that way.

Answer 16

As an adoptive parent from children born overseas, some of these comments are rather hurtful and ignorant.  But the questioner asked for honest answers, so that's what we got.

First of all, some corrections.  There are very few infants available for adoption overseas.  Most children are at least toddlers, with the vast majority being school age.  So, to correct one misunderstanding, we aren't adopting overseas to adopt infants.

Neither is the process "easier".  Try taking all of the qualifications that every adoptive parent must do for this country, then add on the requirements for another country.  Twice the bureaucracy, twice the paperwork, twice the screenings and we haven't gotten into immigration paperwork yet.  

That said, the process may be more timely, or rather, on more of a schedule.  With US infant adoptions, there are no timeframes.  A family could be chosen the day after they submit their profile, next week, next year, or never.  Foreign adoptions are fraught with delays because third world country governments simply don't operate the same way they do in the US.  China has probably one of the most regulated processes out there.  But that's the exception, rather than the rule.  It's got more to do with how any given country runs its bureaucracy rather than its policies on adoption.

Another misconception: that non-americans see americans adopting from overseas as greedy.  Not true!  My family has received tremendous love and support from the African community where we live.   We are told "Bless you for doing this."  and "You are our sister now too."  I have more people willing to braid hair, give recipes, make clothes and generally be supportive than I know what to do with. My children have learned more about their traditional culture from other immigrants in America than they did in their home country, as their culture was lost in a lengthy and bloody civil war.  

Of course, there is always the argument that people should adopt from this county rather than go overseas.  I believe that every family needs to make whatever choice is best for them.  Foster care adoption is not without its risks.  Cold hard fact is that our foster care system inherently is damaging to children, sometimes to a level of severity that makes parenting very difficult.  I'm speaking as someone with experience in child and adolescent psychiatry.  We made a very informed decision on what we felt was best for our family.  And foster adoption was not for us, at this time in our lives.  I would think people who do foster care and can validate that it's not for everyone, would be supportive of that.  

And this brings me to my next point: by saying that US citizens should only adopt through the foster care system, that statement pretty much blankets that all children adopted from overseas don't deserve to be here because they took homes that should have gone to Americans.  We try to be so sensitive and compassionate to adoptees on this forum and it blows my mind that this aspect gets completely overlooked.  There are a few adult international adoptees that post here from time to time.  Has any thought been given to their feelings and their "truths"?  

Let alone, this is personally frustrating because again, I am getting the message that my children don't deserve a safe and loving home because they were not born on American soil.  

I probably shouldn't have read this thread so close to bedtime, but I feel the need to respond.

Thank you.

ETA: Kristy, I hear you.

Answer 17

Charity begins at home.  Why go so far away to adopt a child when you could easily adopt from foster care right here at home?

Answer 18

i'm in the process of adopting right now and it is very hard to adopt in the United States and alot of children needs to be adopted i don't care were in the world they are from  but maybe if they make adopting in the USA  is very herd unless u are really close kin to the child  and it takes not only months but years to adopt in the USA maybe they won't have as many going overseas adopting if they think of the child more than their pockets   and i'm trying to adopt in KY i've had her since she was 4 months old she is now 2 years old   i think everyone who adopt know matter where you adopt from are special because you gave a child a chance to be loved good luck to everyone who adopts

Answer 19

I dont think your a horrible person beacuse you have or wanting to adopt fro overseas. Your far from it. I just think that the child should stay in its own culture. I think it would be more beneficial to the child to stay with its own race. Less confusion. I also think that there are enough children in foster homes in america, who need to be adopted.

:)

Answer 20

I honestly think, as Americans, we should adopt from America...there are plenty of children here without homes...why go overseas and adopt...

Answer 21

I totally agree with "Beth".  America needs to help everyone in this country before helping others.  But, I don't understand why it's so time consuming and costly to adopt here.

Answer 22

I think that some are motivated by racism -- They want a Caucasian child, and will go to the ends of the earth to adopt one.  That is why many parents began adopting from Russia years ago,  while African American and Hispanic babies were transitioned into foster care for the rest of their lives.   But then things started to change, somewhat.  Now, there are NO infants of any race -- or medical conditon (other than the most severe of severe) -- waiting to be adopted in the U.S.!    There are tons of aparents waiting to adopt any and all infants in the U.S. now.  Thank god.  

Then there are U.S. prospective aparents who are afraid they will loose their child after a bmother "changes her mind" about adoption.  (A big myth, in most cases.)  And they have been reassured by International adoption advocates that bmothers in other countries do not do this.  (The truth is -- They can't! They have no voice, no power and no money.)

I am so conflicted about this.  I used to get angry when adoptive parents would say how they wanted to adopt overseas so they can parent a "white" baby, and then go to all lengths to adopt, disregarding the fact that the Russian child they adopt may have been exposed to alcohol all during the pregnancy, or has severe nutritional deficits, or mental deficienices -- that they ignored in many cases.  How could this children get a fair shake and proper care when the parents wanted to think of them as healthy and normal?  (Not ALL parents did this, of course! Some were VERY prepared to adopt a medically fragile child from overseas and have given them the best of the best care possible!)  Of course, ALL children need and deserve a loving and prepared family, no matter what their situation.  But the parents cannot be motivated only by race.  And SOME are.  So that is where the conflict comes in.

Also, adoptive parents MUST insure that the child they adopt from a poor country is not the result of a poor mother making a desperate decision just to feed her child or other children.  There is just something inherently wrong about that.

The opportunities for abuse are rampant in other countries where we personally see nothing, are involved in nothing first hand, but rather just fly overseas to pick up our child (in some cases turning our heads to what has really happened).  Of course, there are MANY children in orphanages overseas whose parents did knowingly relinquish them, or whose rights were taken away due to abuse or negelct.  

But how do we know which ones?  That is a big issue for me.

Answer 23

My only things is that these celebrities and such are praised for their support and adoptions from overseas.  But what about all the American babies that need homes too.  I am not against helping out these countries, and hate to see what they have gone through.  We Americans spend so much time rescuing the world that we forget our own people in the process.