What do think of my poem?

Question

it's still in rough draft stage. i scribbled it down in about 5 min. if possible please give fed back and rate on scale of 1-10. thanks!

WHY DON'T YOU SEE ME?

A sweet chuckle honey drips and oozes from his throat.

Brown eyes look at me with sheer amusement.

Fingertips hold mine, so soft and warm, drawing.

Hands create a masterpiece. My heart stops. I can't speak.

I smile up at him. My every cell burning with want.

I see him, but he doesn't see me.

"I love you." I think.

And I die inside.

Answer 1

Ah, I am 18 again!!

It is poignant

..very easy to read

I am not expert

..but I will give you 10 just for drawing my youthful feelings out on to the page...

Cheers !

Answer 2

I like the title a lot.

I Like it

TIp make it hands sculpture a master piece.

Will edit later.

This is one of those that can go longer if you want and I'd give it a 7.5

Answer 3

Not bad, but im really not a fan of that kind of poetry.

Take a look at mine at www.myspace.com/jeffhardy0519

6.5

Could be better.

Answer 4

rate 7.. its lovely, im assuming written from personal experience as well? which always makes a poem better because many people can relate to it! :)

Answer 5

I love this poem.  It flows nicely and the imagery is great.  I usually find it hard to read others poems...so kudos on great writing!

Btw.. love the username.  I'm a huge Twilight fan