What do u think about my poem?

Question

I'm sad

I'm in pain

I cut to take the pain away

no one can help me

to make me stop

I cut a little to deep

my world spins and goes black

when i awake

in the hospital

i leave

to go home and cut even more

Answer 1

I HOPE IT IS NOT TRUE BUT AS A PUBLISHED POET I DON'T THINK IT IS THAT GOOD

Answer 2

its REALLY sadd

:[

I hope it's not true

:[

Answer 3

it doesn't make sense. what are you cutting? your hair? make it a little more clear.

Answer 4

wow. that's deep. an no im not talkin about ur wrists! lol. sorry. this is no laughing matter. i surely hope it's not true. and if it is...best of luck.

Answer 5

It's not very good, but perhaps with some language and form adjustment it could improve.

Answer 6

If this is truly you in your poem. I just want to let you know that there are better ways to ease the pain then to cut yourself.

Well your poem has meaning but I feel as if it is choppy, but I think your going for the whole choppy sentences ting. If you are trying to do that then I think that you shoule emphasixe the choppy you know. Make it even choppier then it is. Make the poeme short and sweet. You can do that by just eliminating some things, for example.

I'm sad

I'm in pain

I cut

No one helps

I cut too deep

My world spins

Then I awake

Somewhere strange

I'm in the hospital

No one knows

That when I leave

I go home

Only to cut deep

Ok so I just thought of that off the top of my head and I did add some stuff, but I just wanted you to get the idea of how to make it choppier.

Answer 7

it sucks.

Answer 8

Honestly, it's not that great.