What do u think about my poem???

Question

this is a poem that i wrote about my grandpa [[that i never met]]

Is it fair i never met you?

i never even got to tell you hi

I wonder if the stories are true

about how you lived your life

Full of fun and love

but it wasn't long enough

destroyed by sickness and lies

you never got to tell the ones you loved goodbye

if my dreams would have come true

I would have met you

we would have spent time together

morning dat and night

no matter the weather

rain snow and shin

me and you spending time together

did you ever think of me existing?

think of me being here right now

maybe your listening to me

some way somehow?

thats all i got soo far, and this is my second real poem that i have ever wrote. please tell me what you think about it and be honest. [[trust me, i don't get my feeling hurt easily.]]

oh and this was my first poem i wrote 2 years ago.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqN.82iugeN5JpjM0cJO37MjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20070508154849AAbgjQh

Answer 1

I never met my paternal grandfather.  I always used to cry about that.  I am very conscious of it.  So...to me this poem contains no real depth or symbolism and is a huge disservice to your gandfather.

Also, "Rain, snow and shin"?  Do you mean to say "Rain, snow or shine"?

Answer 2

it's good.

read for my poem at: haritsanwar.multiply.com

Answer 3

that brings soooo many tears to my eyes jk keep up the good work

Answer 4

When I write about the passing of a loved one, even if it was horrendous. I still fantasized about kind emotions and beautiful thoughts....You must never be negative! Maybe this will help you along....I stole the title from an Eric Clapton song, but I added an extra father.

My Father's Father's Eyes

I never got to see

What you would mean to me

And all I do is sigh

No hello or goodbye

Sometimes the world's not fair

Why couldn't you be there?

Emotions hard to save

So much you could have gave

What I've give

To see my father's father's eyes

The ancient wisdom of words so wise

I look into the skies...

Blue as my father's father's eyes

Wrap me in angel's wings

I wish for many things

If I could turn back time

I'd stop your soul from dying

And if the Lord allowed

I'd bring you back somehow

I want you here right now

I'd want to make you proud

What I've give

To see my father's father's eyes

The ancient wisdom of words so wise

I look into the skies...

Blue as my father's father's eyes

BRIDGE:

When I awaken to see you there

Your arms outstretched

Like clouds in the air

While away the hours

Until the night

I'll close my eyes

You'll leave my sight

Could you come back again...

Some nights I feel alone

His smile's like going home

I'd tell him everything and he'd say

Your secret's safe with me

What I've give

To see my father's father's eyes

The ancient wisdom of words so wise

I look into the skies...

Blue as my father's father's eyes

My father's father's eyes...

You may use it with my permission. I write all the time because it comes easy for me. If you want to talk about poetry or lyrics, my e-mail is always open... Ciao -

Answer 5

THAT'S GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ITS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OUTSTANDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TERRIFIC!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

I think the rhyme scheme is a bit simplistic. I love rhyming poetry but it must have more substance for it too work or its sounds to sing song. There are parts are really like, I just don't think the rhyme works. You could free verse it. ( I think never got to say hi, the word hi just isnt strong enough)

Answer 7

i love the begining but the end not to much

but overall it was really good

Answer 8

The poem brought tears to my eyes so I would say its a good one., a very good poem with a lot of depth.  More depth than most of the people replying will ever know.

Answer 9

I like it.