What do u think of my first poem?

Question

She is the one I call mine.

There is no other but her.

She is nothing less than divine.

I am nothing without her.

She is the one I call mine.

My love for her will last forever.

She is the one I would put in a zine.

I cant wait for us to be together.

She is the one I call mine.

With out her I am missing.

She has the beauty of the rine.

She is the one I want to be kissing.

She is the one I call mine.

Ill do anything for her.

Finally I can call her mine.

Every time we talk my words slur.

Answer 1

Zine? Rine?

You want the honest truth?

I think you can do much, much better than this. Don't try to make it rhyme by using words than don't belong and feel out of place. Use your vocabulary to it's fullest extent. If your vocabulary is limited then acquire a wider one. It's easy enough to do.

For a first poem it's okay, but this has been said a thousand times by a thousand wannabee poets. Make it come alive with an original view point, a voice that is uniquely your own. I'm sure you have the abilities. So make the effort.

Answer 2

very nice!  

Answer 3

It's not the one i'd call mine

even if it rains or shines on the Rhine.

It's nothing close to divine

but hopefully someday she'll still be mine.