What do u think of my husbands opinion on "stepparents" and why?

Question

I have been married for 4 yrs to Jim and he has a 8 yr old son with his exwife who he shares joint custody. I have been in his son life since he was just a baby and he loves me to death and even tells people he has "2 moms". I have NEVER told his son to call me mom(or would I) and he never does. My husband on the other does not feel this way. He has never refured me as his sons stepmom .My husband has told me that his son will always have just 1 mom and that the word "stepmom" is only really used if the "real mom" is dead. He feels that if BOTH "real" parents are active in THEIR childs life there is no need for any more parents.The funny thing is HE has a stepdad that he calls dad and loves to death so i don't get it. I think the problem maybe his exwife who is very threatened by me and reminds me and my husband that SHE is his sons mom not me.For some reason my hus has always seemed more loyal to her than me and i don't know why.He divorced her but not for me.

Answer 1

Ask him why he feels the need to make you feel small.  Your husband is full of S*(t and should explain himself.  I would have decked him.  What an ***.

Answer 2

if the boy is comfortable calling u mom... i think it's ok

Answer 3

i am married with 3 sons the oldest is from a previous relationship. i had he is 8 he calls both my husband and his father dad. both my ex and my current agree this is for the best it is the childs choice who they love and if your helping to raise someones child in a parental role then they are your child not a step child. your husband and his ex need to grow up this is not highschool. your husband should be proud of the fact he married such a loving woman to step into this type of family dynamic. both dads in my sons life are present for all of the occasions and they have even been at events i could not attend, family is stronger than people think.

Answer 4

I am a step-mom of an 11 yr old girl, who has NEVER called me "mom". We too have joint custody of her 50/50. I have been with my husband for 10 yrs and married for 5. We have 2 other children together. My step-daughter admits she doesn't call me mom because it hurts her mom's feelings. She will often refer to me as her step mom or her other mom, but always calls me by my name. (Which I hate when my 2 yr old daughter calls me by it too if she hears my step-daughter say it) Her mom has had several men in her life (only married one of them and divorced after 2 years) and she makes her daughter call these men DAD. I assume your husband expects you to treat HIS child like a mother would and love and care for him, however you are not allowed the to be considered his other mom? Whats up with that? You need to talk to him about it. Think about how his son will feel when you are forced to refer to him as "MY HUSBANDS SON" eventually he may feel like you don't care that much for him, not to mention the lack of respect that is being showed to you by your husband and his mother, the boy will likely disrespect you as well. I think you need to remind your husband that marriage is not just about one person, it's about both of you and when there are kids involved it makes you a family. If he is doing it to keep his ex-wife happy, he's choosing the wrong woman's feelings to look after.

Answer 5

Okay sound like the communication river has a dam! LOL You need to clear the way of communication and talk to him!

Answer 6

My question is that if your husband show loyalty to his ex wife why did YOU marry him?  If he didn't want you to be in on the parenting of his son WHY did you marry this man with a son?