Question:

What do u think of this poem and is there any thing i can improve?

by  |  earlier

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This is quite a long poem but please read it all…

Life in foster family

Joining the foster family, the new life begins

You don’t know what to expect next

But to hope for the best, thinking

How will I be treated?

How will I be cared for?

But assuming it would be the same as being with mom

Giddy, got up in the morning, confused and embarrassed

Where am I?

But I hear an unfamiliar voice, Mrs. Moon

Calling, you are late for the school

Got up quickly, and a bit nervous

Though not because of the school

For the first few days, you see the smile on Mrs. Moon’s face

And slowly, this begins to disappear

As usual you sleep at night, and then the dream comes

A dream, when I was with mom and dad

For a while I find myself being with them

Laughing and having funs

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6 ANSWERS


  1. This is bloody fantastic! You have a rare talent. Oh my, this is just so evocative!


  2. Hmmmm, I would say..keep working at it hun.  Its not brilliant but sometimes its just good to get things down on paper, its cathartic.

  3. Your poem was brilliant! The way you wrote it shows how confusing you want it to seem to the reader, and your language use was amazing

    Well done x x x

  4. If it didn't have chopped up lines you would never know it was a poem.  The language is very limp with no images or interesting uses of words.  The others are just responding to the idea of 'life in a foster family', not to the poem.  But maybe that's what you want.

    OK, well what about making something out of that name Mrs Moon?  Cold and distant like the moon - that sort of thing.

  5. The was great! It showed a great deal of confusion to the reader. Like the author wasn't sure what to think in the new life he/she was facing. It had some typing mistakes, but just small ones. other wise it was really great. It was definitely from a new point of view. Great Job!

  6. I think your poem is just lovely the way it is. Poetry is an excellent tool for helping us to understand and process our feelings and I think you do this well. I would leave the poem the way it is...no need to edit...if you did you would be ruinging the moment. I hope the poem helped you and I'd like to see you continue to write.

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