What do u think of those few lines?!

Question

when my eyes are calling for tears,

and my heart feels some fears,

and many things i find hard to bear,

i just recall your beautiful words, that i like to hear,

so i find myself smiling with cheer,

and suddenly i see my way so clear,

i thank God for those special moments that are so dear,

....................

Answer 1

I can feel the emotion you have put into this but I feel you have worked so hard to make the ends of each line rhyme that you have lost the rhythm and flow. It could be good but it needs to be smoothed out a fair amount.

Answer 2

I'm not a big fan of constant rhyming on the last word of every rhyme, but from a poetical point of view, the lines are pretty decent. Just keep the meter more consistent. (I think meter is the word I'm looking for.) It is as good as you believe it is.

Answer 3

Plz tell me whom are you writing this for.Thumbs up and hats off to you,but do try to put in more expressions.Some grammatical errors.Tell me more...

Last lines are not keeping with those in the beginning-too long.Match and rythm