Question:

What do u think???

by  |  earlier

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i just wrote this lik a few minutes ago and wanted to no what everyone thought

Every breath I take

I take for you

Every tear I cry

I cry for you

Your everything to me

But I’m nothing to you

You said it would never work

But I believe we were meant to be

Now I’m in a place I shouldn’t be

Because you’re not with me

Only you can make this feeling disappear

Only you can make my dreams come true

But when will you ever care?

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  1. sounds wonderful, everything fits together and you didn't use a word to much in repetion.

    it sounds like you should add on to it though, it kinda leaves you hanging. "now im in a place is houldn't be" i think you should express that more whether its just a feeling or not, but make a clear ending like a revaltion or like "ill always love you" kind of things. good job & great work!


  2. I really like it...and don't worry about the Buts, your not suppost to use but at the beginning of a sentence, but in a poem it does matter so much. People don't speak in Old English but there are poems written in Old English.

  3. I love it. Bloody brilliant! So evocative and the imagery? Wow! Wonderful work...thank you for sharing!

  4. I REALLY LIKE IT.

  5. Dont start a sentence with but. Major grammar no-no

    Its a bit cliche, I sense you are probably young

    The smaller sentences with longer expanded sentences throw the flow off

    Its not too bad

  6. Burnin Up 4 Nick Jonas,

    It's good sweetie, but the theme has been played out over a zillion love songs... Boy meets Girl... Boy breaks her heart... Girl begs for him to desperately come back to her... It was sad 999,999,999 times ago! Dump him before he dumps you and get someone who'll love and respect your body and soul. Good Luck!  Grade  D +   ...and I'm being generous!

    I apologize.... but the Simon Cowell in me had to come out!!

  7. you totally expressed how you feel about that person

    and how it seem far from your reach

    love the poem very meaniful

  8. it's pretty good, it sounds really creative.

  9. wow it's really interesting :]

    You're too creative!
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