What do yall think of my long poem?

Question

Ok, i wrote this after i broke up w/my fiance after we broke up. It was 2 months ago and now that time has passed i wanted to see what people thought of it. Please dont freak out, im ok. Thank you

Endless Sorrow

You are the Rose I became the weed

I would never want to see you bleed

But I never even closed my eyes

Even when I saw you cry

The makeup that ran from your eyes

That spilt the truth how you felt inside

Just because you didn’t speak

Doesn’t mean your words were weak

Silence was just a better way

To say this will be our last day

I feel your pain, hear your screams

And now I watch with faded dreams

Alone in a world that’s cold to the touch

I’ll tell you I’m sorry, I miss you so much

And I heard your heart break with words I said

I now feel as though I’m better off dead

And though you might not care anymore

You still love me, this I care for

I’ll never stop loving you…

Oh what a life so full of pain

Sadness and depression, Pour down the rain

For then I can express my feelings and cry

And no one will know the rain is a lie

Up above I can truly see

The place that together we should be

But I am grounded cursed is me

Stole my wings and let me be

And now I fully understand pain

What’s given in life is taken and slain…

It’s so tiring to wait, to hope, everyday

That on this day you take me as clay

To say the simple words “I miss you”

And know that what you say, it is true

If death is salvation, why have life

It all but creates a sorrowful strife

And yet I ask does anybody hear her

Lost in a crowd, Life just a blur

Can’t you see we are both broken

See past our mask hear words unspoken

The burning hope that’s in our heart

We said forever we would never part

And in the end what makes me cry

Is that I never could say goodbye

People say to wait for tomorrow

But I must be saved from my endless sorrow

Tomorrow is too late for me

For now I want everyone to see

As I carve your name in this bullet so kind

All will know you were the last thought on my mind

I say goodbye, and now you know

I’ll love you forever, in heart and soul

And now I end my endless sorrow

No more pain, no more tomorrow

Answer 1

OMG THATS AWSOME DO u reckon u can help with mine http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

i need to write one for my friends party and i have no idea wat to write

Answer 2

very good, read my short poem

"No more pain, no more tomorrow"

Fuc the world with so many azzzholes

Pain and sorrow are part of life

Hope you get over them faster than shiit fly

Yes there will be  a new tomorrow

To accept  the world is full of azzholes

All you do is sit back and relax

Hopefully all the azzes get sagged

What do u think of my short poem?

Answer 3

aww it'z soo kyoot(=

Answer 4

its cool and nice!

Answer 5

I'd say its really good and you should write more. That's deep. Congrats on making a good piece of art.

Answer 6

wooww.....im usually not one for poetry, but that is really powerful, i love it. but ur right, it could raise some questions about ur health, but u sound like ur ok if time has passed. i hope u get over this, im sry about ur fiancee!!

http://smaltise.webs.com/index.htm

Answer 7

You know what?  Usually something that long causes me to get like a random A.D.D. and I give up and stop reading by a certain point.  But that was a very heartfelt, very well written poem, and kept me reading until the end.  You are very talented.  I have learned that pain can bring out so much talent, oddly enough.  I have a book I am writing, literally, of the poetry I have written through the years I suffered from a deep depression.  I hope to use them to help others somehow.  But, I hope that if these are your true feelings, that you seek help....feel free to email me if you'd like...I've been there....I've been so low before that I ended up in a coma.  I wont go on forever about your mental health and what not, but in case this poem is not just getting it out, and is a veiled cry for help.....people do listen.  Take care.

Sorry I love to read poetry so much that I didn't even realize I skipped right over what you wrote BEFORE the poem and read it and responded then realized you said that was 2 months ago and you're fine lol.  Glad you are okay :)

Answer 8

10/10

Answer 9

Beautiful

Answer 10

WOW!!! that's awesome!

Answer 11

Wow, if you didn't say you were ok, I'd have freaked out! :)

I think it really expresses what you were feeling well. It sounds like a good healthy purge of all of that pain and negativity that you felt so strongly. I think there are a lot of really interesting thoughts and ideas there and I like the way that you put them on paper (or computer). It's a really dramatic piece that I think a lot of people could relate to. I think practically everyone experiences something that feels like they've been destroyed and feels like they are really imagining and weighing the suicide option. Then you look back and think, nah, and after you experience enough things like that you just skip to the nah part. I don't think it's too long. If you wanted to do anything to it you could poss. separate into stanzas that stay on a particular idea or theme, and poss. make it a little more tight (not in the slang sense, more like concise). But the way that it is, I think, expresses the more raw and unedited feelings that you prob. were feeling that brought you to that desperate point. It also kind of makes me think of rain pouring down like you mention in you poem, to have the feelings in one steady stream. Now I'd write one about recovering from this pain a stronger and more experienced person with a happier or grateful perspective. The rain could bring flowers, etc.

Best Wishes!

Answer 12

It's good.

Answer 13

think i'll cut my wrists now

Answer 14

Good, but very long!

Answer 15

ahhh so much words!

but its good :D

Answer 16

make it a little longer and uve got urself a kik butt song!

Answer 17

it is very long but good

Answer 18

I think that it is deep and filled with pain and sadness.

Kudos, great poem! :)

Oh, hope your okay...

Answer 19

aw its really nice! i like it a lot. u should answer my question http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 20

omg that was amazing it really touched me i cant believe it iwas not expecting it to be that amazing great job keep it up

Answer 21

WOW!!!! that was O  so very deep its a beautiful poem even if its a sad one good job i hope ur okay *<*

Answer 22

nice i liked it alot good job  

Answer 23

its ok

Answer 24

... wow!!

Answer 25

poetry is g*y i think. I got lost at "you"