i know the punctuation and structure is not up to par, but otherwise, what do you guys think? I know it's kind of dark, but i'm not suicidal or anything..it's just a poem, or free verse, or junk, or whatever you want to call it.
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What Has Become Of Me
My life is moving in slow motion, broken fragments lost in the absurdity that once held better days.
Passing through these moments i grasp the stagnant and pale reminder of what I once was.
I used to be young, naïve to the reality of life, drugged by hope that beyond my sanity lay a world never stained by man.
Where the air once clean and crisp, the wind blew its beauty with fury,
Sunshine never overcome, colors vibrant and strong, all things conceivable.
Left now are the dying embers trapped within the thinning air.
My head is pounding, demanding the darkness to be freed from its solitude,
My heart now destroys itself with each infected beat, seducing me with devastation.
My breathing grows shallow as the voices that were once unseen bleed their way in.
The weakness that I have starved begins to feed again, screaming through my dried veins,
I feel myself slipping away the more aware I become, I am becoming something unseen.
My senses overcome me, sharpening, evolving, forcing realities upon me I pleaded to be saved from.
Paralyzed I lay witness to blackening clouds and storms brewed in h**l,
My God, what has become of me?
My mind's eye slowly dissolves into ashes, blown away by the naivety that any other existence was attainable,
Life, death, hope, faith…..programmed illusions imbedded to falsely offer escape.
I hear the hurt, its deafening clutch echoes throughout my vacancy,
I can touch pain, it quietly exists in the void, caressing, floating, swimming inside the dreams of those who rest.
This disease lifts me, soothes me, intoxicates me, blinds me, gradually leading me to a warm place where I am no longer within reach,
As each aching breath fills me, I drift further and further, I am now too far gone.
These shells, identities, delusions of self lay waste along side the counterfeit ideology that free will blossoms,
Deep within this emptiness a dark truth begins to emerge; ripping through my panic my skin begins to burn.
My eyes bleed the fragments of my remaining soul as the gloom begins to seep in,
Trembling, melting, suffocating, I am drowning in what I used to be.
I no longer exist, I am no longer me, mirrored reflections only show a blackness I never could have known.
The oneness I have forever sought after, forever longed for, eternally hoped to swim within, soothed by its gentle wave, and blessed by its peace,
All along it was lying in wait, seeking me, stalking my dreams, hovering in my night, crawling through the shadows, attentive, aware, alive.
Manipulating the frailty of my perception, peering at me through city lights and dim lit alleys.
Feeding my fears with my fears, seizing my tears, removing clarity, constructing and controlling paths,
This pale shade of regret that has forever followed me, is me.
My eyes for so long flooded with rage were never mine,
Bloodied hands from the pain of being did not bleed my blood,
Aching bones and broken skin were tendencies never birthed by me,
Hollowed heart and smiles shared, curses laid upon me,
A dark place where time no longer competes, it grows deep inside me,
It protects me now, shields me now, distances me from the pain of breathing,
It feeds me with a glimpse of reality, sustains me with the blackness of void.
Teased by the clarity of truth, my sanity has been reborn,
No longer to run from my h**l that exists, I embrace this death of ignorance.
I challenge my sight to see what is actual, disregard the beyond I cannot observe,
To my touch I pose the question of present, allow things to be what they are,
Hear within before you hear abroad, internally is heard the loudest truth,
To smell the beauty and truth of life, breathe deep, breathe deep, breathe deep,
Indulge your taste with purity and innocence, only Earth can truly provide.
This h**l, this void, this pain of life evolves me,
To accept, to live, to breathe, to exist.
These shallow concepts no longer plague and poison,
For life is pain, and life will end, these fears will have no place.
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