What do you all think of this one and what should I call it?

Question

the sound of heaven spoke to me I thought

clear and crisp like a sweet waterfall in my ear

taunting me with familiar words that intoxicated my senses

I prayed for penance

the sound became a lie

thats when my heart began to die

but still I followed in desperation like a pathetic admiration for the beauty of her soul, for love! I didnt know

with this voice now ringing in my ears my sanity became unclear

my soul darkened as I reached for the light but the door closed and the voice died and I began to cry

so now I say goodbye and float away down this river of pain

isolation became my way

then I froze, cold and insane

alone and dead

my life is in shreads

hey thanks again

Answer 1

Why do you leave massive gaps between your lines?

Answer 2

Title Ideas:

The Sound of Heaven

Life Without You (I know, random, but I am a random person)

Alone

Death

Why does it rhyme in some places and not in others? You should have a rhyme pattern, like abcb or something, not all different. Not many people pray for penance-- penance is a punishment. And why would you say they sounded like a sweet waterfall if they are taunting you? And stay in either present or past tense, unless they are reminiscing or something.

Here is my revised version:

The voice of heaven speaks to me

Crisp and clear like crunching leaves

Taunting and intoxicating with honeyed words

On that haunting, daunting eve.

I ask for atonement

As the sounds become lies

I plead for forgiveness

When my heart starts to die.

Still I followed in desperation

For the beauty of her soul

With a puppy's admiration

For her, for love; I didn't know.

I stumble 'cross the plains

With voices ringing in my ear

Floating away down a river of pain

As my thoughts become unclear.

My soul darkens, reaching for light

The door closes and the voice dies

All of a sudden I'm enveloped in black

Sighing, I start to cry, muttering my last goodbyes.

As I travel this sinking path

Isolation becomes my way

Winding here and winding there

I freeze, insane, here to stay.

Here I am

Alone and dead

Thinking to myself

How my life is in shreds.

Good poem idea though, very powerful! Hope this helps!