What do you do about a partner that won't change bad habits? It's been years!?

Question

I moved in in 2005, and it's now mid 2008, and the house still has so much CLUTTER!! That's all it is. clutter clutter clutter, everywhere.

it attracts dust, horrendous smells, and he has two dogs which add to it.

Ever since I moved in here I developed asthma/breathing problems, have been sick alot more often, and gained weight because of his horrible eating habits too. I went frmo 154 to 202 lbs and then dropped back down to 175-180 and that's where I am.

This person claims they care about me and that there's alot to it, and I get criticized for things like when I leave the lights on , or don't do this, don't do that,

yet when I try to bring something up about the mess,

"oh its fine, please you're exagerrating."

I'M NOT EXAGERRATING!!!

I can't TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

I'm giong to call Dr. Phil.

Answer 1

You need to decide whether you can accept the living conditions or leave.  You cannot change him, you can't change anyone but yourself.

Answer 2

At this point, I don't think he will change unless there is some sort of intervention (Dr.Phil) and even that would probably only be temporary.  One option would be to start cleaning the mess up yourself, I seriously doubt he would mind it or hire a cleaning crew and later a maid service.    Or you could try to make it like one of those makeover shows where you throw a garage sale and buy stuff to update your house (Clean sweep)  Bring it up and tell him that it's important to you.  Let him know that you've been together for 3 years now and you'd like to make the house your home as well.  It probably is mostly laziness on his part, so you have to take some initiative and just get it done.  And if he won't budge and you are really that unhappy with it, leave him.

Answer 3

If you're not happy, leave. You cannot expect other people to make you happy.

Answer 4

You know you have to set and decide what is more important to you, yourself as a person. You know yourself better then anyone else. there is only one person in this world that knows you and that is you! You need to put your life in the perspective of what is more important to you and what is less important. Then you need to decide if this Partner is important enough to you to continue living in the way you been living to be with them? Can you honestly say you are truly happy with living this way? if your not you need to decide what is in your own best interest?? You are the only one that can bring about the changes in your life to make you happy. No-one else can do that for you, but at the same time you have to understand you don't have the ability to control other people either have you tried cleaning the place up yourself? and asking your partner to help you keep it clean? if he/she will not then you better be thinking about if this is the right person for you to be with because with this person this will most likely be the way life will be for the rest of the time your together. You have to really set down and do some soul searching here buddy! Best of luck to you! Gentle Hugs