What do you do really well as a parent?

Question

... that other parents would do well to copy you on? If you were writing a parenting book to share the secret you've really figured out for raising good kids, what would that secret be?

Answer 1

I'm good at paying attention to my skids. I notice when they don't wash their hands, haven't eaten anything healthy that day, and haven't brushed their teeth. I notice if it's late and they are asleep on the couch. I try to get to them before that point. It's ok if you want to go to bed. I'll ask, did you wash your hands?  Did you brush your teeth? Did you have some fruit?  It shows them that I am paying attention and that I do care.

Answer 2

Always keep your promises. Never invade their privacy and trust them until they give you a good reason to think otherwise. And most importantly, love them unconditionally (regardless of their sexual preference, their grades, their hobbies, etc.). Support is very important for kids and teaches them respect for themselves and others.

Answer 3

Keep the goal always in mind: raising a responsible adult.  Every problem, question, crisis or discipline issue is a teaching opportunity.  Never, never say, "because I said so" when asked "why?"  That is almost never the reason, and you are lying.  Instead, try to explain using age appropriate words and concepts why they should comply.  

When they disobey, point out the natural consequences of their choice.  examples: If you don't do your homework, you get a bad grade.  If you don't take your turn with dishes, tomorrow's dinner will be late.  If you don't pick up your room, then you can't find what your looking for and you will be late for school.  If you don't pick up your toys, they will get stepped on and broken. etc.  Don't forget the positive rewards too.  If you don't buy candy, you can save up for that special game you wanted.  If you help with the chores all week, we will have time to go to the park on Saturday. etc.

Eventually, they will realize that you are usually right when you predict rewards and consequences.  More and more often, they will believe you instead of trying it for themselves.  Spanking becomes a rare event and even grounding not very common.  A stern look and an explanation will often suffice.  Punishment becomes less needed because the natural consequences do the punishment for you once you make them aware.  example: Kid: "Do I have to get up for practice this morning?"  Parent: "Only if you want to play football this Fall." Kid: "OK, I'm up."

This is a long process and you will find you repeat yourself over and over, but that is how human beings learn.  The reward comes in the late teens and early adulthood when your children are willing to ask your advice on life choices.  You have taught them that they will get a well thought out answer complete with choices and the rewards and consequences that go along with each choice.  It's harder work than spankings and "because I said so", but it pays off in the end.

Answer 4

Be consistent. I am not a parent yet but I was a nanny for a while and I learned that consistency is very very important to a child. The more consistent you are with your punishments, schedules, daily activities etc, the more well behaved your children are - because they know what to expect.

Be clear on what you expect from them as well, write it down, post it on a wall and tell them. Example: No hitting Consequence: Favorite toy taken away for a day.

When there are clear consequences with the actions and they don't have to guess they tend to be more well behaved.

For babies the biggest thing is to be calm. They can sense and feel when you are tense and uptight which will make them scream and cry more - listen to their cries, they tell you what they want (Look up Dunstan's Baby Language on youtube).

Answer 5

I listen to my boys... when they need a friend or a hug or just need to open up they know i will not tell anyone but maybe  my hubby... both my boys are foster children who we have permanent custody of and they have issues with their bio dads and their house is different from ours and rules too and they come home all stressed or bummed they know they can talk to us about it and we wont go back to the fathers unless it endangers their lives... U need to listen to your kids and not ridicule them in anyway or run to the person they are complaining about give them your trust and u will go far with them...

Answer 6

I have a 5 year old boy. I try to keep in mind that everything you do right now will effect them when they are older. when i speak to my son i rarely ever get angry and try to always remember that in order to teach our children we have to keep a few things in mind. we want them to be able to make choices, the right ones, on their own, we want to build their confidence and still make sure they are loved. I always give my son the logical reason why he shouldn't do things, ask him to repeat in his own words what i have said to make sure he understands, ask him why it is wrong, ask him what sort of punishment would fit. if i have told him before what he is doing wrong and he does it again i ask him to take a moment on the thinking chair until he can tell me what he was doing and why it wasn't wrong. yelling and hard punishment will get you really behaved children but only out of fear of punishment and sometimes making them feel less if they make a mistake.Also even if he has done something very wrong i always give him a hug to let him know i still love him no matter what. even if i am still upset.  Remember we only borrow this world from our children so even when they are young lets make it as wonderful for them and productive as we can.

Answer 7

I have a million but one I would highlight would be:

Never use the phrase, "C'mon. If ______ can do it and he/she's only ___yrs old, you can do it too." I hear parents say it all the time and I don't think they realize the great impact that comment has if the child REALLY can't do it. Kids shouldn't be conpared to other kids, regardless of who it is and how old they are.  I once said to my now 8yr, "Let's go, tight your shoes tighter. If you younger brother can do it, you can do it too." Though it was only shoes, the reality was, he didn't know how to tie it any tighter and got upset over the fact that his younger brother could do it and he couldn't.

Best Wishes =]

Answer 8

Well.....my mother used to jokingly call me the sleep n**i, lol.  From day one I was always strict about sleep schedules and bedtimes and naptimes.... as a result, my kids are excellent sleepers.

I also think I'm pretty good with manners- I put a huge emphasis on them.  Even my son who has autism, and a major speech delay - he is SO polite and one of his first words was thank you.  My kids are 7, 5 and 4 and saying please and thank you comes very naturally to them.  They have great table manners as well.  I get a lot of nice compliments from people on their manners.

Answer 9

Try to always listen to your children.  Dont just stand there and seam like your are interested but really listen to them.  Most parents miss little cues that they need to follow.  Your child may be doing something they shouldnt be doing or going to do something they shouldnt be doing.  Listen to then and stop that behavior before it starts.  Dont be the parent that says I never saw it coming they were always so good.

One more thing that counting to three game people play is BS!!!! if your child is doing something wrong act ASAP dont wait untill three they know they have you then.  Also remember to paise them if they do good thats the most important thing LOVE!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

If your young child is talking to you always listen to them because alot of the screaming they do is because you don't answer them the first time or second time they ask and then they continue to get louder and louder and start screaming more and more. Which then makes you want to go crazy but had you just listened the first time they started talking none of the crazy whining and crying would come about.

Answer 11

One thing has been encouraging manners.  My daughter learned them early on, so they are almost old hat to her now at almost 4 yrs.  Another thing is I think I do a good job explaining things to her.  I know my dad, for example, if I ask questions to learn more about something, he tends to get annoyed.  I do my best with my daughter to try to give her simple, easy to understand, 'to the best of my knowledge' answers to any questions she has.  She's always asking about anything and everything, starting from the littlest everyday things.  It's always 'what's that?' and 'why?' so I do my best to teach her about the things she asks.  My mom actually complimented me on that one time - it always feels good to know what you are doing a good job with!

Answer 12

I'd have to say letting my kids be who they are. Letting my daughter dressup in as many different outfits and dresses as she wants per day, without advising her on what goes together or not. I feel like i really listen and understand my kids and let them be who they are. Don't get me wrong there is alot of disipline in our house, but when it comes to who they are and what they want to be I let their imaginations run wild and let them explore different options, As of right now, my 4 year old daughter wants to be a pedeatrician, marine biologist, veterinarian, teacher, ballerina, astronaut, princess, and she wants to have 9 children. I won't tell her any different. That's the best thing i do as a parent is let my kids be whoever they want to be.

Answer 13

Tough one. Probably finally learning that I am not always right and that my children do have minds and opinions of their own?

Answer 14

I think I spend a LOT of time playing with my two boys...the laundry is not always done...but we ALWAYS have a good time. They are 2 and 8 months.