What do you do when someone has wronged you?

Question

Okay so I am all for the fact that we are all different which also means that different things offend us or pisses us off or gets on our nerves or is a slap in the face. What do you do when someone has done you wrong somehow? What factors do you consider?

Answer 1

Usually I let the person know how they have wronged me (so they can learn something and can be careful with the next person if they wish to change) and I say either a polite goodbye to them if I dont wanna deal with them again, later on forgive them, but never get back to them (as an eg. a date that didn't work out or an acquaintance who has really hurt me), or.....I give them a chance to correct their behavior.

In some cases, I don't say anything when I feel maybe I am being silly and it's not worth it.

Other times I just leave and don't tell them anything and just avoid them.

Depending on my mood n the situation n person, I can either be very quick to report when I dont like something, or I can keep it in me for hours and days...just sulking and ultimately, I have to spill it out coz my health totally gets affected when I stuff emotions in.

So..different contexts..different people..differet state of mind..different responses..

Answer 2

It depends who this person is to begin with and what factors they have in my life or that of my family. Most cases if I barely know the person, I just let it go and go on about my business without saying anything

If it is someone that is close then I try to understand why they did what they did and if they apologize for their actions or atleast attempt to make an effort at realizing what they did, then I would try to move on. If this person was just rotten to the core and said horrible things just to cause trouble because they have issues, and had done it repeatedly,I wouldnt stand for it and would cut them out of my life. They are no good and you dont need people like that around causing you grief. Even if it is a close relative, if they cause you problems then you and your family are better off without them, you need to surround yourself with people who love you and want what is best for you, not people who are jealous, hateful and only want to cause your problems

Answer 3

Our society is way too PC and this has lead to our weakness. To answer your question, it depends on the situation.

If an individual has unintentionally wronged you, then correct them. If someone gets in my face, directly antagonizes me, or strikes me then h**l hath no fury. F-them up. s***w the lawsuit, pound them senseless and teach them the lesson that mommy never taught them.

Answer 4

Well it depends on what it is and who the person is.  For example lets say the person is real close to you and they have wronged you, depending on the situation I would confront that person about it.  If it's something small I would let it go.  The most important factor is intent.  Did the person intentionally wrong you or were you hurt accidentally.  Don't sweat the small stuff.

Answer 5

I consider the *intent* of the person.  As you say, we are from different cultures and backgrounds.  I might do or say something meaning no offense whatsoever, but a person with a different background could see it differently.

This happens a lot with humor.  People have very different views on what is funny and what isn't.

Answer 6

Everyone is different.  That's why we have so much conflict and controversy on this poor Earth.  

I think what everyone needs to realize that life is too short for petty remarks, "slaps in the face".  If someone's irritating you, just leave them be.  It's important to find your inner peace and remember that we're all human, that we all make mistakes, and that we have to be extremely wise with what we say.  

Sometimes, it's completely natural to become so angry that you just may "lash out" at the person who has wronged you.  The person will probably get the point after that, and you've vented at the right person rather than going off on someone who has nothing to do with your situation.  And really, who cares what that person thinks after you've read them the riot act?  They didn't seem to care what you thought when they said or did what they had to say or do.

Personally, I tend to not bother with that person if they've really ticked me off.  Life's not worth being around people like that.  Fill your life with fabulous people who you can trust, people who may hurt you unintentionally, but always keep in mind how you feel and end up apologizing anyway.

Answer 7

There are too many factors to consider.  The best thing to do is try to talk to the person to make it right if possible and to apologize for anything that you have done yourself.  If they don't want to make things right and are hateful, etc, then that is their choice.  You don't have to carry the hurt around with you.  Just let it go and go on with your life and pray for this other person and maybe in time they will come around.  Don't try to get revenge.  Revenge usually does more harm than good.  Trust me on this.

Answer 8

A few thoughts. First and foremost I have a rule that I never want to take my self values down to a lower level. That being the case if the person has done something that is obviously wrong, I'm not going to stoop to their level.

Second, I always keep my eye on what am I trying to accomplish. Any action on my part should strive to meet my goal.

Third, Is the person someone you can talk with. If the answer is yes then I try to work out the issue. If not, I put distance between us.

And finally, if the person has done damage to my reputation I work to repair via sources other than that person.

Generally speaking, people need to step back for a few minutes if they find they are in the Anger zone, clear your thoughts, and determine if it really is something to deal with, or not worth the trouble. I am a believer in the statement, "Don't sweat the samll stuff, and most things in life are small".

Answer 9

I let them know what wrong they have done to me, which gives them the opportunity to apoligize. Even if they don't I have stood up for myself which lets that person know they can not treat me that way without me saying something, I would not do anything to hurt them because when you put negativity into the universe, it comes back to you.

Answer 10

If its one of my good friends I just tell them straight that I don't think what they said/did was amusing and then they usually apologise (or explain themselves) ....BUT...if it is someone who is an acquaintance (work colleague, friend of a friend ect...) it will depend on what they did, if it was something that wasn't that bad I would just be more wary around them, a bit stand offish or just cut them off.

It all really depends on what they did and the seriousness of it sometimes its best to just dissociate yourself from people who are always doing **** that is wrong.

But you should always try to tell people if they did something  to offend you or they might not understand why your attitude towards them has change. Also it is really frustrating when you don't tell someone when they do something rude and then you spend the next day thinking of all the cleaver things you could have said to them.

Answer 11

I consider how much I like them, first of all. Not just how fun they are to hang out with, but how good of a friend they are.

If you decide that this "wrong" they've commited overrides all the great things about them, then it's time to quit being friends.

Otherwise, I normally forgive the person. People are all about blaming others, and not considering what they could've done to provoke said wrong.

So for me, I forgive - the only time I'd cut off a relationship is if I actually dislike the person's personality... that is to say, I can forgive their actions, but don't enjoy spending time with them whatsoever.

BTW - Whatever you do, don't cold-shoulder that person. That's such a stupid thing to do, and it's immature. If you decide to cut off a relationship, be big enough to say it. Communication is everything, and grudges only hurt the bearer of said grudge.

Answer 12

By choosing to begin the process of forgiveness you begin to heal. Vengence heals nothing. Forgiveness does mean you accept wrong behavior, it means, partly, you accept that you have been wronged. One must work through the bitterness of being wronged, and how long that takes is different for everybody. It's not something you just rush through, or assume you have done so. Acceptance does wonders for bitterness. And you will be forgiven by the same measure that you forgive.

Answer 13

The factors to consider are the aged old concept of Who? What? When? Where? and Why?  

Simply speaking, fill in all the blanks to each.  All are very easy to answer, however, the difficulty will arise when analyzing "why" you feel that you were wronged. You must closely examine ...your... actions.  Meaning, what part did you play or what could you have possibly done to contribute to the problem.  In doing so (whether you did anything or not) you will know what you must do to rectify the situation.

Try It and Take Care.

Answer 14

Did they do it on purpose or accidentally? I find it easier to forgive things that are accidental than something done on purpose.

Do they know they wronged me? Sometimes people don't think they have offended, when they have.

Did I make it clear that thus-and-so offended me, or did they think whatever they did was AOK? If I don't speak up, it's on me, not on them.

Do they take responsibility for their actions or words and apologize even if they didn't mean to hurt me? Would they make amends if they could?

Now that they know they wronged me, would they do it again if given the chance?

If the answer to the last question is yes, I cut them loose, no more questions asked. Life is too short to waste on people like that.

Answer 15

I try to consider the factors under which they were operating, but all the while...I am patiently plotting revenge.  Sometimes I am lucky and the one(s) that offend me are struck down before it is necessary to dirty my hands with them.

"If you sit by the river long enough, the body of your enemy will pass by."

Sun Tzu

Answer 16

The factors we must consider is that they are human.  We dont know the mind of anyone or why they do certain things in many situations.  We must consider the fact that we dont know what theyve been through, how they feel at the time, and that what they did may have been an accident.  For instance if someone swerves infront of us while driving we want to automatically think that they didi it on purpose thus making it ok to retaliate.  But we honestly dont know if that person meant it or honestly did not see you.  Many factors when considering forgiveness.  It is best to forgive in all situations though crimes and the like should be punished.

Answer 17

What should you do when a significant other hurts you? In my opinion you should not do anything; Except for standing up for yourself, by this I mean that it is okay to communicate your feelings to them and protecting yourself if necessary. Other than that you should let life run its course. I do not know about you but, I am a firm believer of “karma” or on the popular saying “what goes around comes around.” When a person is unfair with me or simply treats me in a wrongful manner, I would usually withdraw or confront them. But, I do not try to take justice in to my own hands (revenge).

I know that some people would disagree with me but, we are not all alike and that is fine. For me personally, whenever someone does not appreciate me as a person, friend, lover, etc. and does me wrong I believe that it is their loss not mines. I believe that whenever someone that you have done nothing wrong to treats you unfairly it is a direct reflection of their personality. Think about it people that can not respect or appreciate you for who you are may not deserve you after all.

So, whenever someone hurts you, do not let their actions change anything about you. Let life take its course and one day karma will catch up with them. Then they will know that treating others poorly is wrong. You on the other hand get to keep your head up!

Answer 18

think of the reasons it may have been done and maybe it will help you understand why--maybe it is just the way they are--maybe they aren't aware of what they are doing or know the consequences--many variables--do you think there are people that think you have done them wrong?  if they are truly bad people,avoid them and let it go and call it a lesson learned

Answer 19

You forgive. There are no factors to consider. Forgiveness doesn't mean what they did was ok. It just means that you won't hold any negatives feelings in you. That would do you more harm than good. Forgiveness also doesn't mean you give that person a chance to do wrong by you again. So if you choose to continue a relationship. Do so with caution.

Answer 20

depends on how bad they wronged me, and how i took it. if i'm taking it worse internally, i'll usually vent on a pice of paper, and then burn it. if they wronged me really badly and i just want to go crazy, i usually go for a walk, listen to some music, and think about all the ways i was right and not the ways i was wrong, so i can get over it.

Answer 21

I would ask myself what have I done to deserve this. If I can't figure it out or if I have a feeling as to what it might be, I would go to the person and ask if I've done something to offend them. If they say no, but continue to treat me badly then they are the ones with the problem, not me. If they are mature enough to discuss what I did to them, then we can resolve it right then and there.

I realized that some people I come across in my lifetime do not matter as much or not at all. I try to treat everyone the same (with kindness) but then again there are those people who just don't want to get along.

Answer 22

Edgar Allen Poe wrote, "A wrong is unredressed when the redresser fails to make himself known to him that has done the wrong."  So do what he had his character do in The Cask of Amontillado.  Wall them up in the corner of the catacombs with brick and mortar and leave them there for eternity.  If you look at this as an analogy...a fable that is not to be taken literally but figuratively, it's not a bad idea.  Wall them up and leave them for eternity and they can't bother you again.  Do you have time to deal with these people who hurt you?  Cast them aside (wall them up) and keep them there (use brick and mortar).  Choose to have only positive people in your life. You will be happier, more productive, and more successful.

Answer 23

First it depends on how important this person is in my life.  Then it depends on how serious the "infraction" they "commited" against me.  Then I have to sit back and take a really hard and serious look and make absolutely sure that "I" didn't play any part in why or how this person wronged me or if I perhaps had wronged them either intentionally or unintentionally in the past or present.

Sometimes people do things and they really don't mean them.  We all do them.  But it depends on how much we care about the person and the severity of what they did.  It is going to be up to you to look at the things I gave you and make a decision if some just kind of got on your nerves and made you mad or if some really wronged you.  And then you have to decide how and what it will take if and how they the two of ou can come to reconcile the situation if you can.

Peace & Love  :)

Answer 24

If it is a job situation, I state my facts and my feeling of being wronged, and hopefully a resolution will come about.

If it is a random person or someone I was thinking about having a friendship, I would not pursue the case and not contact them again.

If it is a friend, again I would address them the same way as the work situation and more than likely a solution occurs because we already have a mutual respect established.

It seems like those situations do not come up as often now that I am older because I have learned my boundaries of "jokes" and not joking.  At work I just practice transparency in my work without getting involved personally with anyone which simplifies life immensely.

Answer 25

I would first forgive the person, no matter what factors are involved. I would then talk openly with that person about why you were offended, but do not accuse them of offending you. That will only put that person on the defensive and may close the line of communication. More often than not, the other person has no clue that what he or she did or said has offended you, and it may be a simple matter of miscommunication. If it is not, however, and there was a real issue, then by talking it over with that person you are taking the first step toward resolving the matter. The objective should be resolution to the situation, not placing blame or proving a point.

I hope this helps.

Answer 26

Consider how much it affected your life in a significant way.  Did the wrong put you in bodily danger, risk your not having food, shelter, or clothes?  When tomorrows problems come, will you HAVE to count that wrong as a true problem or will it make you wish that wrong was the only problem you had?

Who has the most (finances, friends, beauty, personality, etc) when you total everything, you or the offender?  If you have the most, remember to whom more is given more is required.  Use your more (intelligence) to think less of their wrong.  If they have the most, consider that their actions may show that they do not value the things that money can't buy...integrity.  Don't waste the time of carrying a grudge over it either way because you will let them live rent free in your mind.

Answer 27

No matter what, you have to ultimately forgive. You can plot a revenge, you can plan to get even, you can speak bad about that person, but none of that ever makes it better. You have to decide rather you want that person wants to have that control over your emotions, or if you’re going to be the better person and learn from the mistake you made trusting that type of individual.

Answer 28

Depends entirely on the nature of the wrong, the intent of the doer and also the severity of damage to you.

Since we all must live together and cooperate in a relationship, family and community, certain rules of mutual respect and consideration are mandatory.  When those basic rules (honesty, empathy and respect of one's individual needs) are breached then we feel betrayed and also might suffer additional loss due to the damage wrought.

First off, if you were emotionally hurt and you feel comfortable with that person or there existed a relationship of mutual positive respect, by all means communicate how this person hurt you by their actions.

You may find that they were completely unaware that their actions would harm you.  You may also find that they have belittled the harm you suffered so that they could put their needs first.  Sometimes it is necessary for us to put our needs first, but some consideration via warning or seeking alternative solutions would be more respectful.

Its hard to pinpoint a direct answer as you don't explain the betrayal.

If the betrayal was something that they knew prior would hurt you, whether because you told them or worse, because it is generally socially accepted that it would, then the breach is more serious and you may consider the friendship damaged beyond repair.  Forgiveness is one thing, but one need not forgive those who fail to appreciate the full extent of what they've done.

If the wronging was extensive and especially involved breaking some basic social/ethical codes, then I'd say break of with the friend. If a relative, be cautious from now on, as you can't really break off with relatives.

Either way, you have a right to communicate and tell that person how much you were hurt by their actions.  Even if they fail to "get it", its important that you confront them and place your anger and hurt squarely where it belongs and leave it there.

Answer 29

The first thing I do is get a notebook with lots of blank pages to write on.

I write and write and write, anything and everything about that person and the wrong that they did.  Write and write, till I have considered all the factors, expressed all the pain.

When it's all out of me, I pull the pages out of the notebook, and dump them all into a brown paper bag.  Then, I build a fire in my firepit in the back yard, and burn all the pages away.

There.  Pain has all been expressed, anger is now deflated and gone.  Pages are burnt away.  Gone.  No one was hurt, and I feel much better.

Then, I can forgive and forget it.

Answer 30

I decided on a personal policy about this a long time ago. If someone makes me mad, irritates me or hurts my feelings , I wait 24 hours , if my feelings are the same I go to them and confront them. Not in a bad way though. I may start out with...Yesterday you did this and it really irritated me , Did you do it on purpose or did you not know how I would feel about it? usually they didn't mean to . But if they did I would find out why? Could be it was my fault ( hey, It happens) . Otherwise I try to make a compromise, sometimes this means staying away from the person but usually it is worked out. Believe it or not the average person is not expecting you to confront them.

But the usual result of waiting 24 hours is you will, forget about it, decide it isn't important , or feel silly for getting mad about it.

  Remember everyone has a bad day and says things they don't mean, it's usually only a problem if it is re-accruing

Answer 31

I usually start out liking everyone. I also am an observer.As I am around people more and see how they are around others besides myself, they speak of others myself included. I will not associate with those that pretend to like you to your face and talk behind your back. Only talk or associate with me when it will benefit them.I have worked in a nursing home 99% women.There will be "cliques". I have seen them all chummy at times, I will than see different members of the "clique" bad mouthing the others they were chumming around with minutes earlier.I usually just say as little as possible to those that have wronged me, if they are not worth keeping as friends, with out stooping to their level.

We have very few true people we want in our lives(sometimes family included) All others are pretty much aquantences