What do you do when the Father DOES NOT....

Question

ABSENT FATHERS: anyone had one?

just wondering, I am in my mid 20's and still cannot understand why my father or sperm donor won't reach out to me. I met him for the first time in high school, and that was basically it. he prefers that I come to him (he's 5hrs away) but his parents stay 10minutes away from me. Outside of my dad paying back pay STILL in child support, he doesn't call, he comes in town ( i don't know about it until he leaves) and then he expects me to just come running to him when he's in my neck of the woods...

would that bother anyone? I know I'm too old to have a father, I'm 4 yrs from turning 30!! How do I get over him NOT being in my life and him doing NOTHING NOW to be apart of mine?

Answer 1

Same boat here. I am 28 and my dad lives 8 hours away.

I have e-mailed him back and forth, but he quit.

I haven't actually SEEN him in 17 years.

He makes frequent trips to Alabama(my home state) and comes through Texas but doesn't stop to see me and his grandkids.

I don't find out about his trip to Bama until I pull up his daughter's(half-sister) myspace page. She has pictures of the happy family. (sniff)

I have e-mailed him pictures of his beautiful little grandbabies and-nothing.

He has another family in New Mexico. Had another 4

kids. Never seen any of them.

I have reached out and tried to bring them into my life, but he ignores me.

I know how old I am. It shouldn't hurt at this age, but it does.

I feel like a little girl wanting her Daddy. My husband doesn't know how much it affects me.

I tell him that he is lucky to have his parents. They have been married 30 years. He has always had his dad in his life.

This is a different world than mine.

He hasn't e-mailed me in a year, but I still check that account in hopes that maybe he'll give a sh** one of these days.

So, I understand. You aren't alone. We just have to make sure our kids never feel what we feel.

Good luck to you

Answer 2

well because men are not responsible. when I was young i didnt have a father. I got a stepdad when I was 12 and hes a drunk. we dont get along. you have to say to yourself that you are already an adult and that you dont need him and you can forgive him. well you must forgive him if you dont want to go on like this annymore. forgive and forget about him

Answer 3

you're on the right road.  work very hard at not hating him and very hard at just accepting that he's never been able to be part of your life and can't change.  just as well that you don't know all the reasons.  

get on with your life - it's most important.  being able to build solid relationships with other men and women depends in part on you having a mind clear of unfulfilled expectations.  Good Luck.  

Answer 4

I understand to an extent of wanting to know your father no matter how old you are everyone wants to know their other half.  On the other hand he is the parent and if he doesnt want to come around or be involeved, it is his loss not yours.  It just needs to be let at that and move on.  If you have a step dad or another guy who did take care of you that is your father.....a sperm donor and a Daddy are two different things, anyone can donate their sperm....I would just not let it affect me.