What do you do when the child you are adopting has bio family that want to stay in contact?

Question

I am in the process of adopting and the child has been living with his bio aunt, he will be moving in soon and i know that he has to have some down time from her but i don't know how to handle this, appropriate time etc. Dss doesn't seem to have any answers. I also have been his care giver for along time so he has a connection to my family. He is almost 3yrs.

Answer 1

Dear Pupsnkids,

Do the right thing and maintain some kind of contact! It may very well prove to be beneficial in the long run.

Answer 2

wats wrong with staying in contact?

Answer 3

So long as there is no compelling reason not to (like the safety of the child), staying in contact with the child's first family is perfectly fine.  All research points to this being very healthy for the children.  

Can you have a meeting (in person or over the phone) with the child's bio aunt and work up an agreement for contact, something that you and she would both be comfortable with?

Answer 4

We treat it as any other extended family, with spontaneous phone/email communications and visits arranged as convenient for everyone.

They are family to you by legal rather than biological means, through your son- sorta like with in-laws- and you just add them to your list of family members.

Answer 5

Having contact with someone in his bio family will help the child feel more grounded when the child gets older.  It's hard for a child to feel completely lost from his roots.  I would let the child keep in contact.

Answer 6

What do you do when the child you are adopting has bio family that want to stay in contact?

Thats an easy one.  Come on in and visit for a while!

Honor and keep the connections to your child's bio family please.  The bio-family is a part of your child, s/he needs them too:)

Answer 7

I don't understand.  Unless it's not safe, which doesn't sound like the case here, you continue contact.  It sounds like a good situation in that there hasn't been a rapid transition but a slow one, but why would you all of a sudden not allow the child contact with family members he knows and has a relationship with?

Answer 8

if they want to stay in contact you LET them.  i gave my baby up for adoption and i wouldnt have done it if the APs werent going to keep in contact.  i guess you wouldnt really know unless you have been through it, but it hurts like h**l to do it anyways.  i dont know anyone who can just walk away from their child and never hear from them again.

Answer 9

That would be an open adoption, if you are not comfortable with that, then you may not want to go this route.

The other side of the coin is, he will know he is loved and have a large family, you could be doing the best for him if you allow the family to remain in contact, but the down time is an adjustment time and if he has been between the two of you all along, then he should not have  a problem.

Good luck and congrats.

Answer 10

Just tell his bio family that they will be allowed to see him and have contact with him, but that he will need some time to adjust to his new life//family before seeing anyone.

Answer 11

First of all, his needs come first, before your, or the bio aunt's.  It can be kinds of like visiting any aunt that he has, sometimes a lot, and some times, not so much.  Since he's been living with her, phone visits might work to help in the transition.  Play the time by ear, and see how much time the bio aunt has.  If she only has Saturdays, on the 3rd one of the month, then it's settled.  If she wants him every other day, you'll have to work on it.  See how your son transitions, and what his needs are.  For instance, if he goes back in development, and starts halting potty training, some time away might be necessary.  Also, it might be necessary to work around the bio mother, if she's in the picture and is or isn't supposed to see him.  Neutral meetings, like once a month at Chucky Cheeses might work also, where you have a chance as adults to talk about what is happening at each place, and where he can be playing in a safe environment.  Good luck!

Answer 12

As long as the child did not come from a background of abuse or neglect it is my opinion that bio parent/family contact should be maintained. You can negotiate what feels right to all of you. The most important thing is to make sure both parties are sincere and honor what ever agreement you have. The child will most definitely benefit emotionally from this.

Answer 13

Consider her your new extended family and visit every once in a while like you would your exsisting extended family.  Afterall, your family will be your son's new family and therefore, his-yours.

Answer 14

You do everything you can to make sure that contact is never broken otherwise your inflicting emotional damage to this child. There isn't a reason on earth that you could use, to deny a child their right, to grow up knowing their family.

Answer 15

It would be such a blessing, if he could stay in contact with his aunt. We were in contact with my daughter's sister and brother for a long time, until they moved and we were in the military. She looked forward to getting letters, pictures and cards. Talk with the aunt, I am sure you can come to a agreement.

I wish you well!!!!!!

Answer 16

Unless buse or neglect has been involved, you exchange phone numbers and/or email addresses and make every effort to stay in touch! :)