What do you do when you are not in love with your wife anymore?

Question

I love my wife, but I am not in love with her. I can't imagine my life without her, but I keep thinking about being in love with someone again help

Answer 1

So you don't love her you just depend on her...(cause how can you not love some and then be in love with them at the same time....it's either you love em like a friend or you just need them for support and stability...which isn't love it's called dependency).  

Well figure out what made you love her in the first place and fix it....if she was much kinder or sweeter....well talk to her and let her know she's stopped doing that.  If it's about her looks (which unfortunately always seems the case.)  LOOK AT YOURSELF FIRST....assess what YOU CAN do to make yourself better as well....and then form a plan to work TOGETHER and set a healthier body outlook for BOTH OF YOU.....can't go tellin her "you're fat, i dont' love you cause of it...do something about it." because i'm pretty sure she can run something right back at you....never judge until you judge yourself first.  

But if it's just communication and attention....that can be talked about and compromised..if she's unwilling to compromise then you've done YOUR PART in saving the relationship, and now it's time to move on.  No need to cheat, you CAN live without her because you ARE living without her if you really dont' love them.  Once you've started to cheat you've already made that decision you can LIVE without them.  So instead of being an *ss, you LEAVE and THEN go back to dating again....

Funny how people say they can't live without them...and i'm like well if you ALREADY found someone else to cheat on with...and you just got a 'home' with them.....isn't that affair already living without them?  So if they coudln't leave cause they coudlnt' find noone else that excuse is bullsh*t....and normally when people cheat they're 'missing' something out of their relationship .....so again they're still living without SOMETHING from them....first small step out the door is progress to 'living without them'.......

So do your part, assess what you're missing, attempt to SERIOUSLY dammit..SERIOUSLY fix it....and if all else fails...LEAVE....how it works....good luck.

Answer 2

Let her know how you feel. Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone your not in love with? Find someone that will make you happy ,someone that you can be in love with.  

Answer 3

My marriage is currently in the same state as yours but I just can't give up.  You need to talk to your wife about it and be boldly honest even if your afraid to hurt her.  You cannot make things any better if she doesn't know and if you have talked to her, keep talking to her.  You have to fight for your marriage.  Wouldn't it be great to be in love w/her again?  What is it that's making you fall out of love.  Maybe you need to talk to her about the things she's changes so much and maybe she can work on it.  Good luck to you and I hope you don't lose your marriage.  Believe me I KNOW exactly how you feel but something has to still be worth fighting for.  How long have you been married?

Answer 4

I agree with Laurie67, plus I want to add: life as a married couple does not stay the same forever. You cannot be "in love" forever, because the novelty wears off. What should never wear off is your love for each other. I think you may be like some people who are addicted to the feeling of being in love -- if they do not feel "in love" then they want to break up in order to feel  the feelings and the "high" of being "in love".

Don't do that mistake. Continue growing in love with your wife. Your marriage is the best thing to fight for/ not 'against'.

Answer 5

Divorce her that's what you do.

Answer 6

I got it. In USA so many women who fu*** around with married guys, you are the one of them and fell in love with some of those whor***?

Answer 7

Well you have to decide if you want to continue your marriage as it is. But it is not really being fair to your wife if you are not in love with her to keep the marriage going. How are her feelings for you? Does she feel the same way ?

Answer 8

you tough it out that's why when the preacher said till death to you part for better or for worse.men like you make me angry.i feel bad for her because maybe you never loved he to begin with and that is why it is so easy for you to fall out of love with her.i mean it i feel sorry for your wife

Answer 9

It's called DIVORCE...!

Answer 10

Loving someone is a choice and it's not just based on a "feeling" especially a "euphoric" feeling of being "in love".  

I don't mean to jump down your throat - but ARE you already "interested" in someone "new"?  If so - then you owe it to your WIFE to tell her the truth - put yourself in HER position and answer your own question....maybe you'll have a better idea of what to do...

regardless - "how" you got her is "how" you keep her and vice versa...so maybe one of you isn't doing what you used to do at the begininning.

I'm divorced and remarried.  2nd time around is the RIGHT one and I fall "in love" with him over and over again - because we LOVE eachother in many ways - and not just based on a "feeling".

Answer 11

See if there is something you can do to rekindle that spark your lacking. Sounds like all you need is to heat it up a little.

Answer 12

you think back to the days when you first met her and rekindle what you had, put the effort back in to get the romance going..

Plan romantic nights in or weekends away, anything to get the spark back. Talk to her and ask what she is missing...you are likely to find that she will have noticed changes in the relationship as well.

Answer 13

I think that u should plan a romantic evening with your wife. Plan to do something like recreating ur first date or something to get you to remember what made you fall in love with her in the first place. Try to put that spark back in your marriage.  

Answer 14

maybbe u need to repsark ur marriage or go to marriage counseling

Answer 15

I feel for you.  But 2 things.  If you take your vows seriously, then you need to think about them more.  For better for worse, in sickness and in health.  I truly believe love is not just a feeling, but a committment and action.  Love is helping someone grow and working at a life-long relationship.  I have seen many friends like the feeling of being in love.  But after they divorce or break up, they find titilating love again, then it eventually settles, they break up and cycle repeats.  Habituation is what happens when you get used to something.  You don't respond with the same intensity.  

Remember the love, the person, maybe look for books or references about making marriage work.  How much do you value your marriage and the concept of marriage?  Don't give up on it too quick.

Good luck!

Answer 16

stay with her. do special things that make you fall in love with her again. try pretending your not married yet (in certain respects) and try to "win her over" again.  

Answer 17

get yourself a GF on the side,...  after a year or so, you will realize that YOU are the reason your life with your women is so boring.. it's not them.  lol.    baiscaly, start doing exciting things..  don't ever stop..  how about take your wife out with some friends and actaully enjoy yourselfs..   keep doing that..   : )  

Answer 18

When you got married, there was nothing in there that said 'unless my feelings change' .  There can be good reasons for ending a marriage, but just your 'feelings' don't cut it.  

btw, what do mean you love her  but are not in love with her?  Don't think I even understand that.    

Answer 19

DUH............LEAVE??????

Answer 20

tell her.....you'll be able to rekindle things especially if you still love her.......you are forgetting what made you love her in the first place and the good times you've had.......don't let the stresses of life get in the way of your marriage......be romantic bring the spark back and you'll remember why you felt the way you did what you first fell l in love with her......don't give up.....my husband and i didn't and we are so happy now!!!