What do you do when you endure long term loneliness & theres no easy solution to change it ?

Question

ive live all my life in pure misery, suffered catalogue and catalogue of bad events and trauma.....severe bullying and abuse over a long time....physical attacks......head injuries......time in a psychiatric hospital because of a breakdown........and i said thing to psychiatrist that sounded bad to scare them so i would get help.......so they sent me to a psyche hospital......i spent 18 months in there.

suffered bad epidodes of rage attacks in public due to pent up anger all the years i was bullied.....id lash out.......lose it in public.....cause myself public embarressment and humiliation......get attacked off strangers.....get laughed at......back then virtuakky everyone in society was ostracising me and rejecting me......i think because of my behaviour..

im 30 years old now.....and live alone in a one bedroom flat on disability......i dont have much....except an old computer......no carpets on floor etc.

throughout my life ive always suffered ' extreme ' low self worth i think because of what i went through.......i get to clingy...to attached to obsessive with people.....and coupled with my mood swings its always caused me to be rejected...........im very self absorbed...very inward looking.....get very angry if someone rejects me and take out bad moods on them or feel the urge to slag them off verbally if they reject me..

because of this, ive never built up any relationships at all.......i deeply fear rejection....so im scared to try to talk to people..

i have nothing and no one.....i get deeply lonely at night......i feel very insecure about my future.......i feel i have nothing to offer anyone.

i have no qualifications....never studied...missed out on schooling, because of bullying.

never been employed..

i have an injured ankle....torn ankle ligaments......waiting to hear about treatment....have to watch how i walk..

have a crooked little finger due to an injury years ago......2 missing teeth at the front because of an accident...bottom row.

the only positive thing is that im waiting for psychotherapy, right now.

alot of people are still aloof, abrupt, stand offish towards me........like im being socially excluded almost.

i feel because of my past that im labelled and theres a stigma that follows me around.....although i cant proove it.

i dont no how to deal with people who are aloof, abrupt and condescending and rejecting of me.....accept to feel aggressive towards them....but i control it.

i spend each and every day isolated and lonely, i stay in all the time due to ptsd and bad anxiety...also because of intense rage feelings.

i was diagnosed with BPD and ptsd before xmas.

i have no one except my aging ill mother......who cant do much for me no more....and a good internet friend ive known for 2 years in americas whos been very good to me....i can tell her anything and she always tries to help...and has never judged or rejected me.

my only goals in life once im ok, is to leave the united kingdom for good, emigrate with a ok paying job to somewhere quiet and coastal.

considering all this information i have provided, how can i survive this period of my life ?

im very lonely, socially isolated with no easy solution to it

Answer 1

You are clearly an intelligent and articulate person. Perhaps an evening class in something that interests and challenges you will get you motivated and socialising a bit more.  

Answer 2

Hi, I think you just need a friend.  I can be your friend. Get in touch.

Answer 3

you're English mate you're supposed to feel the way you do. try eating fresh fruit.and get some sun.

Answer 4

hugs to you you are not a bad person hold your head up when u go out smile at strangers and watch them smile back it will do your self esteem good x

Answer 5

From what you have written I picked up on many questions that  different people have ask in this "answer site". You know what your problem is. You have to help yourself if you expect to be helped.  

Answer 6

how many times r going to post the same question? u need to face it no matter what anyone tells u on here, is not going to make any difference to u, people have given u lots of advice and u r not prepared to listen, find a group that deals with Bpd, or depression, get in touch with victims support, u have to look and help yourself, otherwise u will get nowhere!

beleive it or not there r people who have been through the things u have and recovered it is possible, knowledge is power, go to ur local library learn about ur condition, learn how to change, because u can, u just have to believe u can!

Answer 7

There is an answer, it is the small voice inside you that commands your attention. It is a quiet voice, you probably do not hear it as your other thoughts drown it out, but it is there. It shows you the way, the way of smiles, freedom and peace. It does sound like a dumb question, but try smiling more? Have a day out at the seaside and smile at folks without wanting them to smile back, have a relaxed posture and contentment in your character.

You are a good writer, as you are so isolated one would assume that your communication would be not too good, but it is. Good writers are hard to find, try to develop this? Best wishes from Kent.

Answer 8

send me an email at

[e-mail]

I will send you an article on ostracism that may help you. It is fairly objective but it will help you figure out what you might be doing wrong and how you might fix your situation.

Answer 9

Friend, you posted this yesterday and last week...........where are you based? You need professional help.......Can I help you to get real help as you will need a lot of time and effort to help you.........

Answer 10

you can learn to be someone you'd like to be with, in other words, be your own best friend.

Answer 11

"my only goals in life once im ok,"

well, i guess start working on "being ok" or just go now and move somewhere quiet and coastal.

you cant really just wait to be ok.. youll never be perfect but changes of scenes can help =)

otherwise, (not recommended lol but i do it)  just kick back with a drink and chill with everyone on Y!A or go to sites with people with similar likes or dislikes or hang ups as you! or do both =)

I KNOW study something!! like in a night class or whatever, something you like that could get you a job you 'll meet people in classes =)