What do you do when you feel stuck in a situation you dont wanna be ?

Question

present situation :

i live in a one bedroom flat in the north of england , on disability benefits, i own nothing except an old computer - got no carpets on my floor, a shabby bed etc. i suffer with borderline personality disorder and post traumatic stress - im waiting to hear if i will get group therapy ; my main problems are severe low self worth , rage and aggression and aggraphobia and anxiety, i have social problems forming friendships or relationships with people.

about my history :

ive had a severe hard life, suffered severe abuse, bullying , victimisation, bad times , assaults , head injuries , homelessness , time in a psychiatric hospital , over a time span 0f 16 years , since the age of 16.

ive missed out on most things in life people take for granted : forming any relationships with anyone . never been employed , spent all my life on disability , never got an education , never got any qualifications.

have a minor criminal record for an assault and carrying a knife when i lived in a rough neiborhood, and i was being targeted by local thugs.

obviously have a psychiatric record to.

i used to have outbursts of rage years ago in public places, where id lose control and lash out at people, not something i planned but i would get a build up of paranoia and pressure in my head whilst outside then explode.

but i dont do that anymore , ive managed my rage for years without therapy.

i also unfortunatly havent had consistant therapy over the years, the system failed me so i havent had the help i needed.

what i want for my future :

im now 30 and would like to achieve a normal happy life, to have friends that i choose, a good paying job in computers , a secure life and most importantly ; i want to emigrate from the united kingdom to somewhere hot , somewhere quiet and coastal by the sea, to find a loving senorita or a loving, partner to share my life with.

thats it.

most people when i talk about these desired ambitions put them down, or tell me their beyond my reach and patronisingly say '' i have to be realistic '' '' everybody wants those things but not everybody gets them ''

that ill find it '' impossible '' in my situation at my disadvantages.

its mainly brits who keep on telling me that - other people from elsewhere usually have a more optimistic view towards me.

its like theres a conspiracy where the brits are trying to keep me here against my will ( paranoia keeps creeping in )

all i know is i desperatly want to achieve those goals and leave the uk.

do i have any chance ?

im not trying to be funny but i would like serious answers please as im really depressed over this right now.

my situation in every sense including geographically , is not where i want to be.

Answer 1

Well I'm a Brit and I think anything is possible. Volunteer your services to boost your self esteem and help you get out and meet new people. This will also get you experience with to show potential employers. I interview a lot of people and would always be impressed with someone who has had a rough start in life and is doing everything they can to get themselves out of the situation even if that means taking unpaid work to show that they are committed. Talk to some local charities, they are always crying out for help and I'm sure would be very grateful. And don't get disheartened. It's always good to have something to aim for. The fact you have a dream means you are already better off than a lot of the people on benefits who are contend to wander through life with absolutely no aim or ambition. Good luck hun, I am sure that you will make your dream come true. And if it makes you feel better, a few years ago, my marriage broke up, I lost my house and got made redundant all at the same time. I could never see an end to it but now I have a good well paid job, a lovely husband and a beautiful daughter and have never been happier.

Answer 2

i dont think its everyone else around you, you've never worked in your life and must be paid disability benefit on top of your dole as well as rent council tax and social security.

no one is going to walk around to your house and give you a good job in IT, the system hasnt failed you, you just blame it.

why dont you get up off your ****,stop feeling sorry for yourself/sympathy seeking and stop scrounging you layabout.

why should you have the right to carry knieves the police must have information of suspicion to stop and search you, its the law.

loads of people have been bullied and had poor childhoods, the dont see themselves as  victims and it a badge to wear and never go to work and blame everyone else

Answer 3

Somewhere within you, I believe you must find a positive attitude and a hope.  If you do, I believe you can overcome whatever obstacles there are.

I have had many difficulties in life to deal with.  I grew up in an alcoholic, abusive home.   I married young and went through severe periods of depression, and was hospitalized more than once.  Two of my children were hospitalized for depression.  I went through severe physical pain from an illness for years.  I've gone through several major hurricanes including Hugo and Ivan.  My first husband left me suddenly after 24 years of marriage, and then died suddenly.  I could go on, because there's lots more.

I used to be very pessimistic, and now I'm not.  Whatever the day brings I will take, and learn from it, and do my best.  My husband and I live in a truck right now.  We don't have a home other than this truck.  Stuff falls off the shelves when we're going down the road.  We're dirty and sweaty sometimes.  We pee in a bucket when we can't get to a bathroom.  It's hard many times to find a place to park the truck. We deal with some people looking down on us for what we do.  We don't make much money and are tired and cranky lots of times.

Still, I have lots of faith, and so does my husband.  I think it's that faith in God really for us that keeps us going.  Sometimes we can't see how to change things, but we have both seen how God can turn circumstances around in very amazing ways...even the ugliest of circumstances.  Meanwhile we will do our best with each day we're given and continue to look for the opportunities we await.  We long for a home in the mountains, or even an RV to travel in instead of this truck...for financial security.  We need dental work...especially my husband, but can't afford it.

Anyway, all I'm saying is for you to hang in there and remain positive.  Do your best with each day and work toward what you can, as you can, to achieve your goals.  It is possible.  Your life is not hopelessly stuck forever.

Answer 4

My honest opinion is to never give up hope.

That is what I believe to be the key.  And if starting new seems like its the best idea, pack up and leave.  There's nothing worse then not trying, even if you fail.   Meet new people, give it a shot, just use where you are now to give yourself motivation to get too where you want to go.

Maybe that helps.

Answer 5

This may sound kind of simplistic, but the one thing I've discovered in my lifetime is that NO ONE can change your life, except you!  I've been in a lot of the same situations as you have and the first thing is to quit thinking of yourself as a victim...you are a survivor! I know when you're dealing with depression it's hard to even get out of bed and everything seems overwhelming....there's just too much to deal with.  Try the old cliche of taking "baby steps".  Today make it point to just get out of bed and clean yourself up.  Then while you're eating or just relaxing, make a list of everything in your life you want to change.  Start with the little things and work up to bigger goals.  If you feel you need professional help with your depression in order to get on with your life, make that your first goal.....get a phone book and start making calls or go on-line and find someone that's willing to help you.  It that person doesn't work out, don't give up.  Find someone that will.

Depression can be crippling in all aspects of your life, so help yourself by getting the help you need.  It's out there waiting.....just like your life can be.  It's up to you to make the decision to survive.

Answer 6

Okay,

This does not sound good. You are depressed as you are allowing yourself to be.

Take control of your own life. Okay, so you have been hurt, victimised, abused. That's the past.

Have you spoken these thoughts aloud to a psychiatrist? These thoughts of feeling trapped, lonely, unloved?

Nobody will love you until you truly love yourself so finding that senorita will have to start with having some belief in yourself and putting trust in the world around you.

1 in 3 people in u.k. are depressed. It's common here.

Running away is not the solution but, if you really know that you just want to go for it, have the faith and courage to follow your dreams. Stop being weak. Give yourself a good kick up the **** and show the world who's boss.

Throughout all these steps have focus and save money for possible trip abroad.

1)Speak to counsellor of your thoughts

2) Try and seek part-time job at first and get comuter qualifications

3)Get a full-time job with your computer qualifications

4) You will probably make new friends in your new job.(Don't tell people you are unwell at work until you really trust and/or like them)

5) If you still feel you want to leave the u.k look at websites for jobs abroad. Eures is a good website . Is in www.jobcetrelus.gov.uk

6) Research area you are going and job. Plan a holiday there at first. Don't rush or be irrational in case it fall below your expectation.

7)If you are hapy with where you visited, then move there once accomodation is sorted there. If not, keep looking.

Answer 7

Your plan to move somewhere warm and find a companion sounds wonderful and achievable. In Stephen Covey's book, the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he says to stop looking at the things you can't change and just work within your own "sphere of influence." Look for things you have power over and move from there. Best of Luck.

Answer 8

Britain seems to be the benefit capital of the world. I think you may find it harder abroad. You take your problems with you though, so i doubt running away will help.

Get yourself the proper healp you need. take small steps, get yourself some part time work (even if its volunteering to start with) and your self esteem will begin to improve.

Answer 9

so your thinking of running away from your problems, won't work, why? cause your taking them with you, you haven't solved your problems, and your far from it. you need to stop thinking so angry towards what u think and what  people think about u  be positive and get on, if you can move abroad then do so and get on with your life to the full, but stop blaming everyone else, its your life get on with it

Answer 10

First step is to get a job. Go to your local job centre and ask for advice.  

Answer 11

Don't give up hope...Hold onto your dreams...You need to work out what exactly you need to fulfill this dream & start working toward it, eg.

If you need to boost your finances to be able to afford the move ~ work on obtaining employment.

Work out what you need & go for it with all your heart. Good luck.